At what point did our love become the enemy
Was happiness relegated to nothing but a memory
Was it written on the wall, that eventually we would fall
Did the planets un-align, had our sun begun to cool

I used to think that I knew you so well
Now I don’t know you anymore
I used to think that I knew you so well
But you’re not the same as before

When did the sound of a baby crying break serenity
Did sleepless nights become such a sick obscenity
Tiredness it seems, has taken over me
Can’t seem to function mentally or physically

I used to think that I knew me so well
Never saw the changes take place
I used to think that I knew me so well
Now a strangers wearing my face

When did time use up the main source of my energy
Did past life lessons become my teacher
and always humble me
All the mistakes I’ve made, made me the man I am today
Can’t justify my rights or wrongs
But I’m sorry all the same

I used to think that I knew how life was
Now the rules of the game have all changed
I used to think that I knew how life was
But we’re no longer on the same page

At what point did our love become uncertainty
Was happiness a momentary feeling
going AWOL and deserting me
How did we get this miserable? Were the signs invisible?
In time all things that rise, eventually have to fall

I’ve not used any controlled substances for over 2 years now
and any of the cravings I used to get eventually passed by with
time, but I still break out in a panic stricken sweat when I see
people using ******* on the street. An irrational voice inside my
head tells me my dopamine starved mind needs to feed the beast
that mediates so much pleasure to it..
A short lived level of fear hangs over me and a burning desire
to be absorbed by all its glory and ill famed charm.
It’s dominance is apparent in all heavy users whose serotonin
thresholds have not quite reached that level of addiction but are
only a few snorts short of having the monkey on back.
I know a film star whose eyes would literally dilate with
Elysium just from mentioning the rich mans aspirin, we both
shared an unhealthy appetite for copious amounts of opiates
and could’ve quite easily given Keith Richards a run for his
money. How we are both still alive, I don’t know.

There was a young girl who sat opposite me on the train
journey home the other night who couldn’t have been more
than 17 years old.
As she turned her head towards the half opened window in the
carriage door, the push of cold air through the wind swept
tunnel blew her hair to the side revealing a deep 7 inch scar
from her eye to her chin.
You could see people in the same carriage look at her
disfigurement with ****** discrimination
and an interested curiosity .
Made uneasy by the sudden unwanted attention that was
drawn upon her, she coyly masked her face with her long
auburn hair and closed her eyes unaware this imperfection
made her all the more beautiful.

My dreams are better than my reality
My past has now become a twisted happy fantasy
Born of pain and misery,
a curse that’s taken human form
Look deep within and all you see,
a lost soul caught inside the storm

Enhancing how I feel with the help of some Mandy
A chemical spill in my brain that you can’t see
The euphoric thrill OF EXPONETIAL EXPANSION
I’m getting higher,
I’m getting higher

My minds state is bordering insanity
The last remains of a man who died but somehow breathes
Worn away at 43,
submersed in my own crown of thorns
For all I am and will ever be,
a lost soul whose been stung by the swarm

Enhancing how I feel with the help of some Mandy
A chemical spill in my brain that you can’t see
The euphoric thrill OF EXPONETIAL EXPANSION
I’m getting higher,
I’m getting higher

My life’s like a tragic black comedy
A sorry tale of loss and hurt somewhere deep inside of me
Torn apart by history,
thrown headfirst into the wall
A loser longing victory,
but always headed for a fall

Enhancing how I feel with the help of some Mandy
A chemical spill in my brain that you can’t see
A euphoric thrill and the feeling is dandy
I’m getting higher,
I’m getting higher

I won’t say goodbye
Now is not the time
I need to be strong for you and not cry
You look so weary as your life’s slipping by
Not really aware the end is nigh
Punch drunken speech from the liquid morphine high
Fading away with the blink of an eye

I won’t say goodbye
Now is not the time
Here’s where you belong, not the afterlife
I love you dearly Nan, please don’t die!!
You’ve still so much to live for, even at 89
Hunch, slumped sleep, straying towards the light
Frail and afraid, slowly losing the fight

I won’t say goodbye
Now is not the time
I’m choking on my feelings and emotions inside
As your blood pressures dropping, the tears I can’t hide
Now just hours away from the other side
Flat lined bleeps as you leave your body behind
A beautiful soul taken and in Heaven resides
I’ll never forget your love and how you were kind
Goodnight, God bless and forever sleep tight

When I first met Mr Marsh, I had no idea who he was.
He came off as abrupt, eccentric
and if I’m honest a little intimidating.
But once you look beyond this demeanour and see the true sincerity of his benevolence, you’re given an insight into what greatness truly is.
His compassion towards his patients and their family members was moving and he would come in on his days off to see how they were doingafter having lifesaving brain surgery.
It amazes me to think that this man
has seen a part of me that I will never see,
a place where every dark secret, sin, good and bad thoughts, loving feelingsand hatred is stored.
Without a doubt he saved my life,
although I can’t help but wonder how many failed operations it took to reach this level of excellence?
The burden of life and death that overshadows each critical fated incision is ineffable. The magnitude of pressure that comes with performing intricate turn of the tide operations must have weighed down on him like Atlas holding
up the sky on his shoulders.
I met Mr Marsh again 12 years later, he didn’t recognise me but mused at the scars on my head before declaring
“I take it I worked on you!”
What do you say to the man who saved your life?
Thank you and shake his hand? (It doesn't seem enough)
Mr Marsh in my opinion is what a true hero looks like,
he seemed genuinely pleased I was doing okay and even let me have my picture be taken with him
I’m forever grateful for his help
and feel privileged to be one of his success stories.

You say you want to make the World a better place
When the real problem is looking you in the face
Righteousness was never so wrong
Idealistic views, convictions so strong

Transforming humanity
Through the vision of your insanity
Justifying Change with your unarguable fallacy
You seem to do more harm than good
Oblivious dogmatic Robin Hood

Forever redeeming your committed cause
Seeming to ignore all character flaws
How frustrating your blind justice is
Defending the ones perpetrating
Why can’t you tell there’s something amiss?
Has naivety clouded clear thinking?

Out of focus clarity
Hocus-Pocus charity
Choking us with your highfalutin calamity

You say you want to make the World a better place
But people like you leave a bad aftertaste
Forever benevolent saboteur
Box clever pestilent do-gooder