i want to drown in your sound of sorrow
to try to feel something

but in the end,
there is nothing

but a soft beating, bleeding heart

that i can’t feel.

i trace the crumble lines that running marks of you / your white words on the blank paper / i want them tattooed on my skin  black / your words etched on my skin / bleeding ink poison into my veins / i want to die by your silent worlds.

// i want to die //

i want crumble under your soft petals of blue rose / as you kiss my pale sick skin with your ice-cold fingers / but as i reach to touch the blue moon with my bare hearts / as i set my teeth on the dark between the stars / and peer into night / your blue flowers have already withered away / you left your garden  / and i’m left to fall into the darkness of the sky again / between the stars / and to be swept by the rich colours of coming dawn

i want to die and yet...

I can feel sounds die under my fingers

i can’t sleep the sun is going down, down a black void filling the sky and the nightmares are here

i’m lying on the floor / my heart crying tears of blood / crimson rain that embraces the soul / yet kills it in the cold / it hurts / dancing in my rain / that sings for you / all dreams have died / and nightmares have risen from shattered ashes / devouring all that was left of me / as you left / with my doors open / i could see the sky / i could see outside / through the spaces you left in my home / the sky paling away / the leaves falling as their colours dulled away

autumn was coming / the winter was coming / and yet all i could feel is summer / spring / in this pit of crimson tear / as i drown / with you on the tips of fingers / slipping away like everything else

take me home / into the creeping silence / of ghosts / of death / and kiss me into sleep / i want to dream / of stars / of life / take me home / and slip me into sleep / with you in my arms / at home.

set your teeth on the rising dawn

the arrow is shot.
it pierces through the air as
it hits the mark,
dead centre

but barely scratches the surface of my heart.

the sun is rising from the edge
the world is drowning in a spilling hot fire
my heart is falling i’m rising
i’m bleeding voilet you are drenched in sunlight
voilet is tearing at the seams the sun is rising
my heart is falling i’m rising
and everything is white  

oh darling, i can’t see anything

your hands can hold the world
     can they hold my heart?

The song howls. And I dance.

I reach my hand forward
but —

it falls short

and, there’s only
darkness and silence left in this gaping distance

between us

darkness–
moonlight breathes down like ashes

on fire. rose and ashes. brokenglass.
velvet stained. falling deeper.

the moonlight
                      spills
                                 like tears.  burn.

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
cli­cking crystals. shudder. ice stars.
darker. falling deeper. breaths of ash. sliver
k i s s e s. rose glass. stained.
illusion. shatter. falling deeper. silver
k i s s e s. tonight. the moon
is black. your heart. darker.
falling
d e e p e r  into  
d a r k n e s s. — in
love.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

kiss  m y  eyes to sleep. hidden stars.

. roses
wither away. falling red. falling
petals. burnt ash. bitter. s w e e t. sharp thorns. crusts of soil. ash stained hands. falling silence .  
   l o v e s  m e  or  l o v e s  me not

once.
the stars
              collided

and I    burned.

             I ran  
                       ran
                               ran away from fate, from    
                                                         my life.

             ran away towards the sun, towards—
day light.

    I had forgot the sun was a star.

but then I remembered.

And then.

and then the stars had whispered: courage.   And then—

    m y   w o r l d   s h a t t e r e d

and then. I opened my eyes:

it was night time.

And I turned around and faced my memories. my star. my sun.

Him.

And it was:

day light.

she—
             fell
up
      a nd

SUN DEVOURED

crashing waves. the ocean hides silence love in the folds of its wild waves.

i drown.

each part me of electrifying as i fall. And it’s pain/pain/pain

and it’s falling deeper, deeper deeper— in to depths of the sea.

the dark moonlight breathes like ash at bottoms of the sea like a reminder. spills like sunlight, caught in the depths of the sea—

like it’s silent love hidden in the folds of crashing waves.

you are—

dead.

And me: alive.

And,
I drown

deeper deeper darker darker

you are—

dead.

And me: alive.

and the sea water tastes sour sour.

yet. i can’t have enough.

Her bright shoes drum against the concrete

they echoes into the silent night– all I can hear is her  
stamping stars on the cold hard ground and

the world bursts in glitter stars and her smile is the sun
and I gravitate towards her—

towards her and her bright orange sky.

echoes. of. splintered glass. run. closer, closer. petals of rain. white. falling
stars. burn. glass. you keep me locked by your words. sweet. shatter. echo. of. splintered glass. crimson stained hands. s i l e n c e. you keep me locked by your words. sweet. dark. and..
clip. clip. i fall.

soft hands. scratched nails. dig deeper.

Darling,
       pink stains my nails
as my dress paint words with flowers
     petals dancing like stars

chirp.
   chirp.

thousand whispers of birds
and
   I enter a new world with you

Breathing a past of you. foward.

.
the breeze kisses my petals
f l u t t e r
    they fall like soft rain
and
soak the earth with light blue
. dye

i am hidden in layers of flowers
can’t you see the thorns?
can’t you see me?

i am hidden in layers of flowers
pretty little things that spread across my
face in vibrant colours
why can’t you see my desperate smile?
don’t you see me?

i am hidden in layers of flowers-
wrapped around in vines
they are piercing my skin
digging inside

it really hurts

why can’t see you through my words?

(why can’t i speak?)

i am hidden in layers of flowers
in layers of pretty words that cover
my deep scars on my heart

everything i say is in metaphors

and you are captured by its beauty

(why can’t you see me?)

(why can’t i speak?)

and darling, the thorns are digging deeper into my skin

hush
      
            breathe
        
     smile then.
      
      fall.
          
/ burn. /

smile. up. higher. come on

dance with the  stars

drench in star shine. come on.

take my hand

and smile. up. higher

let’s dance with the  stars

and burn with the lights of
thousands of stars.

smile. up. higher. come on, darling.

I drown in possibilities, in dreams
paradise stinging hot-sharp on my tongue
s l i p p i n g   a w a y
fading to ashes— and

today, the night is too loud.

i can’t see anything.

darkness/dim eyes/creeping hollowness/bitter taste/the echoing loud sound of blood in your ears/ the echoing loud beat of your heart/ harsh drums against your ribs/ shatter/ fall / stomach in knots / twisting / darkness / dim eyes / yet—

sunlight blankets you in honey

sprinkle rain taps your glass. shatter.

deeper. darker. heavier. —
    i fall. darkness.

sprinkle. light steps. up. higher. fly.

closed eyes.

silent _ lost _

drown _

fade away. _

closed eyes.

ash stained hands. burrow. deeper. —
     stain.

breathes full of shards. crimson lungs. smiles full of blood. come on. spit it out.

now, how do you feel darling? better?

the sunlight spills through the windows
like honey
creeping into my duvet covers and inside
my fortress of darkness
touches my closed eyelids. and

there

that day

in my dream

i dreamt of stars

it’s there

look closer

look deeper

dig dig

burrow

come on

again

again

crimson-ash-stained-hands

oh, so did you find it yet? ;)

your hope.

(no..)

you did.

the moment you asked the question. you did.

the moment you asked and wanted to find it. you already did.

come on.

dig deeper.

is that really ashes and blood on your hands?

or stardust?

look closer.

again. again.

now, what do you really see?

(you.)

the bark is thin and wearing,
old with thin scrawny web-like branches.

and beneath the old soil
is buried memories of

me & you

the silence was
heavy,
devoid of
everything,
empty.
i  could  hear  
nothing,
  yet the room
was

echoing loud.

today, i went out as the sun was burning bright.
and then,

i  c a m e  h o m e  i n  r a i n and
    t h e  s u n  w a s  w h i t e.

today, i went out as the trees and flowers were in bloom. i went out into a world in vibarant colours.
and then,

i  c a m e  h o m e  i n  r a i n. with
   c o l o u r s  d r a i n e d,
      l e a v e s  f a l l i n g.  l i k e  a s h e s  and

i  entered  a  dimlit,   empty  house.

i lay my hand over my chest. press my finger on the spot that aches
and i can feel it,
a small beat
that goes thump under my finger

as i drown