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Renea Jun 2019
Every now and then
harsh words are exchanged
  between you and a friend.
Words so harsh and unforgivable
the friendship seems impossible to mend.
Every now and then
we break promises to our kids
  with every intention of making it up to them
    but the truth is
      they won’t remember your intentions
        only the times you didn’t spend.
Every now and then
we push our partners buttons
   we get into arguments over nothing
    then go to bed and fall asleep
     too mad and stubborn to say “I Love You”.
Every now and then
we take Life for granted
   we don’t appreciate today
     because tomorrow is expected.
Every now and then
we forget Life has an end.
   Until we are unexpectedly reminded
     by the passing of a friend.
        Now wishing you could say “I’m Sorry”
          and help your friendship mend.
By the passing of a child
Now remembering all those broken promises
    and all the time you didn’t spend.
By the passing of a spouse
   Now wanting to tell them you love them
      laying beside them in bed
But now you’re crying yourself to asleep
alone on the couch instead.
You can’t go back and say you’re sorry
You can’t get back the time you didn’t spend
You can’t tell them you love them
And NOW it’s too should of did it THEN.
This came to me after suicide claimed two lives of loved ones around me, just this year. My daughters best friend who was only 17, and my sons best friends father who was only 40. Please check on the ones you love, a simple “how are you? Are you ok? Or anything I can do? “ will probably save someone’s life.
Renea May 2019
These are a few of my many dark depressed,
emotions I can't express.
Because I'm alone to tell no one so I keep them inside
So these emotions
This is my life?  For real!
I want to scream
I want to shout
cross my arms
poke my lips out
Stomp my feet
And pout!!
And after all that,
The dreadful emotions
The are very much
still there
They are the monkey on my back.
There has to be a way to let it all out,  
A way to express how I feel.
A way To Release this hate
That's taken over me  so strongly
Its surreal.
So I pick up a pen
Transfer my thoughts onto paper
My emotions to ink.
I couldn't write fast enough
I couldn't believe
For every emotion
I wrote,
With every write,
A release.
So I write.
I write.
I find peace.
And peace is me.
Renea Apr 2019
Whatever happened to a life with
And being humble
Helping a stranger who’s in trouble
Uplifting a broken spirit
Instead just smirk and watch it crumble
What happened to trying a little
Putting the past behind us
Not judging by the mistakes of others
We all have demons behind closed curtains
For one thing is certain
Not one person is awarded perfect
Take a look in the mirror
You may be surprised at what you see
The stranger you walked past
Someone’s failed attempt that made you laugh
That broken heart you wouldn’t mend
May one day be your demons
And to you your only friend.
For Good will always trump evil
in the end.
Renea Apr 2019
He tells her it's over, he's leaving
he's done.
She wanted an explanation
but he didn't give her one.
So angry, shocked and confused
she sat there in that same spot
for hours, she couldn't move.
Finally she gets up to go lay in her bed
Surprising glad she was alone
She didn't feel like explaining what happened to anyone
Ignoring the constant rings from her phone
A short time later, a knock at the door
He changed his mind
He came back to tell her he wouldn't leave her anymore
But disappointment sets in
as her friends walk in
Even more tears now because it wasn't him
Her friends refused to see her upset they were taking her out
and not sit here and cry over this *******.
Renea you're alright you can do this
Just get yourself together
Life isn't always blue skies and sunshine
There's going to be stormy weather
Use your strength as a shield to keep away the pain
Just as an umbrella shields you from getting wet by the rain.
So, out they are
And of course at a bar
Soon she's regretting she even came
Until she heard the voice of an angel asking her name.
She turned to look and as she expected it wasn't who she wanted it to be
Just another strange guy at the bar that she didn't care to see.
But there was something different about him
Something genuine and sweet
She couldn't ignore him and be mean
My name is Renea.
Well hey Renea, my name is Chris.
So do you often come out to places like this?
Sometimes, but not often
I don't want to be here now but I got dumped today
So my friends brought me out
they said they were tired of seeing me frown.
“Well, you are here now
Let me buy you a drink .
No-don't give me that look it's not what you think.
I too,want to see you smile.
All I ask is to give me a chance with just one dance.”
Normally there wouldn't be a chance, a dance, not even a glance
But she couldn't walk away
She couldn't say no.
Could he make her smile?
No sure why but she needed to know
And wanted to find out before it was time to go.
She gave him one dance,
one dance after another
And for the rest of the night there was no one else there
Just the two of them dancing and smiling at each other.
The time had come the night was over.
As he walked her out SHE asked HIM if he wanted her number.
When she got home she laid by the phone
Hoping he would call and eventually he did and so it began
Everytime they'd meet
He swept her off her feet
His warm, long, tight hugs
His soft gentle touch
His meaningful, passionate kiss
She couldn't get enough
Though she'd never felt it before
She was certain she had fell in love.
#HappyToHaveKnownLove #DisappointedToHaveLostIt
  Apr 2019 Renea
Another Bad Poem
she says
she's not a poet
but i find her poems
to have more meaning
more beauty, more heart
to them than mine
and the way
she uses her words
can change how a person is feeling
from sad to happy
just with a couple of phrases
knitted together

she says
she's not a good writer
but those early morning
last minute essays
of pure adrenaline and
half-awake thoughts
present ideas
in such a way
that it's impossible
to find them anything
but perfect

she says
she's not sure
what her future will bring
but i know her
she's smart
and she's
so wonderfully stubborn
that wherever she may end up
she will go farther
than anyone could have ever imagined
including me
i can't predict exactly where she'll be
in 4 months
or 4 years
but i know her path will go
down the most bountiful roads
and in the end
she'll be happy
and all will be worth it

she says
she's not grateful
but almost everything she does
she does for others
she loves her parents
and hurts when they hurt
she realizes what they do
for her, and wants to make them
the proudest parents on earth
she loves her friends
and tries to make them better

she says
she's a relationship whisperer
and i guess she's right
because with a few choice words
gentle nudges and an onslaught
of appreciated suggestions
she whispered us together

she says
that the dark spots on the sun
can bring shadow
to the most brilliant light
but not even
the dark of endless night
can dim her brightness
or hide her from those
who see her for who she is
who see her potential

she doubts herself
sometimes she thinks
she won't succeed,
always worried
that what she's done
isn't enough
or that there's too little time
to get everything done
but no matter the odds
no matter what she's up against
she pushes through
she persists, she fights
and she gets what she wants
or as close to what she wants
as is actually possible
sometimes she even achieves the impossible
and it's nothing if not admirable
showing me that anything is possible
proving to me that
"You could rattle the stars
You could do anything
If only you dared"
not by anything i've done
but by everything she's accomplished

she says
she's not beautiful
true, she's not a model
but that doesn't mean she's not perfect
but the way those eyes shine
like earth kissed by spring rain
promising life and happiness,
mirrored by her wide smile
though not often seen,
just one smile from her
is like a ray of sunshine
through grimy windows
bringing light into a place
that knew nothing but darkness,
warm enough to melt the walls
surrounding the coldest of hearts

she says she's ugly
possibly due to the scars
dotting her arms and her back
scars which started years ago
but on the contrary
i think they just enhance her
they make her more human
each one a reminder
that she's been through
countless things in her life
but instead of giving up
instead of giving in
she's come through,
a lump of carbon
forged by the fires
of her world
and the pressure of
her surroundings
the pressure of life
and came out
the most precious of diamonds
not the biggest
but the most wonderful of all
with small flecks of imperfections
that make it shine all the brighter

i say
she's often right,
but the subject
becomes herself
and she's far from the truth
she's absolutely wonderful
and in my eyes
a perfect person
and a perfect friend
the most beautiful woman on earth
mentally and physically
and there's nobody else
i'd rather love
quote from Sarah J. Maas
though the loving isn't easy, i still love
with all my heart
i hope this makes you smile when you're down
or helps you see yourself the way i see you
Renea Apr 2019
Once again, you were over me.
Clenching my body and pushing you into me
Feeling all of you, making me breath heavily.
Thrusting every inch deeper and faster
until you get what you need.
Your relief in your release.
Then you were done with me.
With no feeling or emotion
You said goodbye with ease.
As I watched you leave,
I realized
Once again
You were over me.
Renea Mar 2019
The smell of rain fills the air
The cool light breeze blows gently through her hair
As she looks across the wide open meadow
boasting endless rows of sunflowers
A perfect sea of yellow
She smiles just a little
Throws her head back
Facing the skies
Takes a deep breath
Closes her eyes
Slowly exhales
Releasing all the pain
The pain she’s suppressed deep down
The pain she remembers alone
For so long
Today is the day she chooses to be happy
All negative things gone
The rain pours down
Lightening starts crashing
The thunder making it’s sound
Dancing in the rain
Crying tears of relief
After all this time
She has what she needs
The wonderful feeling
Of freedom, clarity and peace.
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