The smell of rain fills the air
The cool light breeze blows gently through her hair
As she looks across the wide open meadow
boasting endless rows of sunflowers
A perfect sea of yellow
She smiles just a little
Throws her head back
Facing the skies
Takes a deep breath
Closes her eyes
Slowly exhales
Releasing all the pain
The pain she’s suppressed deep down
The pain she remembers alone
For so long
Today is the day she chooses to be happy
All negative things gone
The rain pours down
Lightening starts crashing
The thunder making it’s sound
Dancing in the rain
Crying tears of relief
After all this time
She has what she needs
The wonderful feeling
Of freedom, clarity and peace.

Thoughts of us- consuming me
How we used to be
Realizing we will never be
Drowning in the memories- I can't breath
Suffocating
Holding on
He let go- a long time ago
Free falling
Out of control
Not my choice- heartbreaking
His mixed signals- aggravating
Frustrated
Tired of waiting
My heart-aching
Time- it's wasting
My life- it's taking.
Continuously pacing
to keep from facing
that he’s gone -
no trace.
End race.
Now
Hovering over this space
watching pain take loves  
place.

Abandoned and bruised
Rejected yet accepted
But only by a few.
The "few" always hurt her
Before it began they wouldsay
"We show our love this way,
Now be a good little girl and just let your body lay."
She obeyed what they said
Closed her eyes
And wished she were dead.
Love was supposed to be good she thought,
It wasn't supposed to hurt.
She was so confused.
Just when she thought it was over
"No, Daddy! Not you too!?"
"Hush baby girl and don't tell a soul, don’t you speak a word.
You’re just a child, only to be seen
not heard.”
So she nodded her head
Never a word was said.
Every night...same thing...wishing she were dead.
Those hurtful nights were suppressed, never wanting to think of them again.
At last the time came,
She was no longer a child
And she left that dreadful place
With a smile on her face
It was finally over
Instead of wishing for death
HER life can now begin.

My eyes refuse sight
In the dark of the night
My lips are sealed tight
Waiting on the sun to shine bright
And at the first sign of light
I'll see if my doubts were right

My eyes don't stop staring
My ears trying to hear over the music thats blaring
My mind is wondering what's the use in caring
It not my feelings he's sparing
He don't care about me
or the pain that I'm bearing
He doesn't even look at me long enough to even know what I'm wearing

The sun rising I could finally see
What I feared was true
he was with her
So I'll leave and let it be
I'll go without a plea
With a broken heart
But a mind at ease.

It’s amazing how you can just turn me off and on
Like a bulb of light.
You turn it on when looking for that something you need
And once you’ve found it
You cut it off
Because you haven’t any use for it anymore.
On and off
Again and again.
Not even realizing the light
Starting to dim.
The light will grow tired.
The next time you’re in need
and try to turn it on,
from being used
so many times
for so long,
It will have blown.
Nevertheless
Without a thought without stress
You replace it with another
For that burned out light, it’s useless
And
You couldn’t care less.

The noise is too much it's simply way to loud
Why can't they be quiet, at least tone their voices down
Why can't there be a mute button
Just silence no sound
Why is he still around
I keep waiting for the day he's 6 ft under ground
His only friend is the beer in his hand
Swaying back and forth
Hugging the wall
So drunk he can barely stand
He stumbles to the fridge
Opens it
Reaching for his friend
Rage sets in
His friend is gone again
And so he goes to teach her a lesson
A lesson that seems to have no end

Raising his hand then bringing it down
One backhand after another
A too familiar sound
she hides under the cover
Putting her hands over her ears
Trying not to hear
Another beating to her mother

Exhausted and drunk
He stumbles to the bed
Where he finally passes out
She picks herself up off the floor
Walking towards the bedroom door
Not a whimper not a shout
Her mind was made up
There was not a doubt

She opens the drawer
Caresses the score
Smiling
knowing
pain from him would be no more
Her thumb in motion
Her eyes in line
Her finger pulls back
And just like that
His life ran out of time

I guess it’s easy to only care about yourself and how you feel,  when you only have your feelings and  yourself to care about. You’re lucky, and envied. Some people wish they were in your shoes. As to not know what that pain is like ...to love and care about someone that couldn’t care less about you.

**These random thoughts of mine are brought to you SOLELY in part by, and based ONLY upon your random selfish acts you continue to do to me.