I laughed with the stars
As they shot across the sky
After I realized
I Don't want to die
I clutch at this feeling
And beg it to stay
As I study the grin
The stars hold today
Tomorrow the sky
May be covered in clouds
But unlike the stars
This feeling could drown

I tend to act as a whiteboard
with each person I meet
I wipe clean
hand them the marker
and ask what they want to see

"I just want to know You"
and unfamiliar response
"I'm not sure what you mean,
this is meant to be about Your wants"

"I want to know your favorite color, or your favorite place to eat"
I give my default replies
but they don't really belong to me
they're curated lies
based on what others have liked to see

I say "my favorite color is blue"
my friend and I shared a favorite color
she told me to pick a new
my answer then was pink
but i "couldn't choose that too"

As for where I like to eat,
I don't give a straight answer
"it depends on the day"
or "I'm good with whatever"

I forgot what it was like
when the marker stays with me
but I've got nothing to write
so I'll leave it empty

hyperaware of every movement and sound
pencil scratching paper turns to metal on glass
voices to piercing needles
footsteps to a sledgehammer

light feels blinding
burning like the sun

the brush of a fingertip
tears into me like barbwire

internally screaming but making sound hurts
shaking so hard you'd think I'm freezing

please stop talking
please stop moving
please turn the lights off
but I cannot express these requests

Everything is crashing down around me
I feel helpless
Desperately trying to stop the falling pieces from hurting people
I begin to sob
Watching the pieces slip through my fingers
I don't know what to
The faces of loved ones are slowly etched with more and more pain
I'm buried in the fallen pieces
Suffocating my better judgement and doing what I know will hurt me for the benefit of others
I lay in the rubble
Allowing it to build up until I am crushed.

Stars
The thing that we seem to bond over most
Stars
The lights in the sky that I wish on to be with you
Stars
What we stood under as you jumped with joy learning that I loved them as much as you
Stars
Could never shine as bright as your eyes did when you found out I knew Remember When
Stars
We watched them shoot by, so close we could see the smoke trail
Stars
What I look up at to remind myself that, no matter what,
We're under the same sky

I thought I would be fine, but I was wrong
I stayed up crying for so long
Thought I'd never be happy on my own
Spent so much time wandering alone
Went up and down streets and all around first lake
but the thought of you with him was one I couldn't shake
I want to be the one by your side
I can't move on, gods know I've tried
But I know you love me and I know you care
so I don't want to move on, it feels unfair
I'm just afraid you'll leave me behind
and you'll remain forever on my mind