It’s dark and I’m tired,
Eyelids are fired,
Running red to a blur,
Speech is a slur,
Insomnia scratches,
Brain starts to fracture,
Silence gets louder,
I reach for more powder.
I’m absorbed in this state,
Playing tag with my fate,
Don’t care if I fall,
Couldn’t care at all,
Just keep softening the blow
Lost in the flow,
Staying just out of reach ,
From the voices that preach,
Inside of my head,
Inside of my bed,
Where everything’s distant,
And everything’s red.

She cried so hard for one so young,
Tears flooded where she lay,
Mummy and daddy were being ripped apart,
Her little hopes were being washed away,
She was told to get up that they had to leave,
She knew it wasn’t good,
Confused and scared she grabbed her dolls,
From the dresser where they stood,
She didn’t know what they’d done to each other,
Daddy’s eyes looked so sad,
She trembled with guilt at seeing them suffer,
Gone was the strength he’d had,
Mummy too looked scared and hurt,
And reached to lead her outside
She held on tightly to her mummy’s shirt,
And heard her say “I’ve tried”
She stopped at the door not knowing which way to go,
How could she leave either one,
Her dad was her hero and all that she knew,
Yet she couldn’t leave her  mum,
The both looked at her with pleading eyes,
Too young to feel so torn,
She wished she was back inside her bed,
Safe and loved and warm,
She couldn’t move - how could she choose,
She turned and ran inside,
She ran back up towards her room,
And found a place to hide.
Daddy had said if she closed her eyes,
Made a wish and blew,
That if she really really wanted it -
Her wish might just come true.

Me….
I am me ,
Me being the essence of all I am,
Me meaning I,
I who likes what I like,
I who feels what I feel, 
I being myself,
Myself and no other,
Other being you,
You can see me,
You can judge me,
You can tell me ……
But your not me.
If I allow myself to be me,
With you,
Then we can be us.
Us will always be me and you though,
Remember,
I am me,
If I want us,
We are still me and you,
I am still me,
You are still you,
That’s why we became us,
Don’t ever try and take me away,
Or you will lose us.
Cherish us .

You are the summoned incarnation from the depths of my damnation,
Bound to my imagination,
The persona of my true salvation,
You give me strength and make me whole,
And feed the pyre that lights my soul,
A shade of me that makes no sound,
But enough to see the truth inbound,
They’ve called my darkness from its sleep,
So let their wife’s and daughters weep,
Until I find out where they hide,
And force my summoned deep inside,
For this will be their purgatory participation is obligatory.
This is how it has to be,
The price they pay for mocking me.

I never know whether to listen or hear,
Step away when you cry or be catching your tear,
Flood you with love or play hard to get,
Be annoyed when it’s hard or turned on when it’s wet,
I struggle to juggle the feelings I feel,
To know if my thoughts are imagined or real,
To give you enough or take what you need,
To think that your trapped or know that your freed,
Am I overthinking or under thought,
Is it better to fight,
Or is that why we fought,
Should I always be honest and tell you the truth,
Or would that be naive and slightly uncouth,
I don’t want to lose you or force you to stay
I over analyse all that you say,
I know it’s crazy it’s *******,
I don’t even know if I should show you this.
This is the truth of what’s in my head,
During the day and laid in my bed,
This is inside of my anxious mind,
This is the wall that I hide behind.

The silence is loudest in the middle of the night,
When your pallor echoes a deathly white,
An eerie scratch comes from the corner,
The calling card of the dead performer,
You plug your ears to drown the sound
The rising terror knows no bounds,
But the scratching gets louder and closes in,
You dare not move in your quilt coffin,
It’s next to your bed and you feel its breath,
The stench of rotten that comes from death,
A chilling scream from the puppeteer,
It wakes you in the midst of fear,
A desperate second to catch your bearing,
Sitting up confused and staring,
You realise everything is fine,
The nightmare hasn’t won this time.

Why **** so many innocent I hear you ask,
When it was only the actions of one that did you wrong,
Ask yourself -
If I **** the one,
A hundred more may never know nor heed my warning,
But if I **** a hundred .........

Salty tears,
Marooned with my fear all alone,
Desperately torn,
Angry and bitter I mourn,
Not that he’s gone,
But the time that I’ve lost I’m so cross,
25 years,
How is it I’m the one sat here in tears,
Salty tears,
I don’t even know who I am anymore,
At the door - he turned and he said there was nothing to say,
An ordinary day,
So much for nothing,
Why did I stay,
Salty tears,
A familiar taste after all of these years.

They look to me for what to do,
For where to stand and when.
They look to me for what is true,
But fail to see their men.
I’m no one of great standing,
I’ve done things they’d dare not dream,
I’ve been places that they’d dare not go,
And I’m glad they’ve never been.
Yes it’s you, yes it’s me, but for once just let me be,
I’m not a piece of each of you, you own.
I’m not the missing link, every time you have to think,
I’m not the only one around when your alone.
All I do is feel entwined, within myself you look to find,
All the things you think you need to do things right,
Just take the time to think things through,
And think what’s really best for you,
Because the answers are all hidden in plain sight.
At times just think how I might feel,
Remember my life’s not surreal,
I need someone to turn and talk with too,
But if I’m spending all my time,
Making sure others are fine,
Then tell me when I turn, who is it too.
The fact I carry on like this and let so many take the ****,
Is because we all need someone who is there.
Someone to talk to and to trust,
Who’ll give us bread and not the crust,
We need someone who’ll genuinely care.
It’s too late now to dry my tears and to say “you know I’m here”,
It’s too late now to say “you should have said”,
Because it’s only from this rhyme that you realise with each line,
Everything you’ve just this second read.

Sometimes terrible things just happen,
The worst you can imagine,
A nightmare coming real,
The fear you wished never to feel,
Sometimes we just don’t have a choice,
At times no one hears our voice,
Our cry for help falls on deaf ears,
Things fall apart after many years,
There’s no excuse no reason why,
It’s never fair for one to die,
It’s never right to break a heart,
Families should never break apart,
A child should never be abandoned,
No one should break the 5th commandment,
The young should never feel ashamed,
The wild in us should not be tamed.
But It happens everyday,
In a whole myriad of ways,
We shouldn’t let it **** our passion,
Sometimes terrible things just happen.

Why are we - the great creation causing so much devastation,
The intimidated nature of an implicated nation,
There's too much plastic in our oceans,
And Palm oil in our lotions
Our fixes are shortsighted for a world that’s been so blighted,
Is anyone concerned that we never seem to learn.
How much longer can we last,
How much fuel is left to burn.
We call this a democracy which really means hypocrisy -
of a convoluted prophecy which is actually bureaucracy,
The masses keep on moving always scared of what their losing ,
Thinking that they’re choosing when In fact they’re just abusing.
Have we triggered our demise, can you hear the planet cry,
Does no one give a **** or ever think to question why,
Should we not try to transition from our terminal condition,
What’s the point of this admission if we’ve lost sight of ambition.

Is it wrong to write of Adams fight with Eve, after she took Abel,
I don’t wish to blaspheme but the serpent seen what she did at the foot of Gods table,
It led to a fight of biblical might,
With earthquakes tsunamis and lightning,
And Eve knew right then that the world of men would be both confusing and frightening.
Adam asked why she looked to the sky to ask for guidance and wisdom,
“Surely it’s I that’s due father’s reply,
Am I not a worthy victim”
Then came a voice of infinite choice,


“Be still and listen to me,
All that you do involves more than just you,
There’s a whole world that one day will see,
It will see how you cower, how you rise up and tower over those whom you think that you own,
But this road that you follow is lonely and hollow and will leave you lost and alone,
Your an example of choices to those without voices,
They’ll write books about all that you preach,
Let history show so the future will know,
That you’re essence is the proof that I teach.”

We are the broken resolution of a long past execution,
In our search for absolution we find misguided retribution,
I’m not an atheist by choice,
But I can‘t find one true voice,
Which makes it hard for me to feel,
That any single choice is real,
Sometimes we’re blind to see what’s true,
But then the truth is overdue,
Can you really change the world,
Because the world can sure change you,

We teach our young they’re  free to choose,
And then condition all their views,
Because their only hope to win,
Is by accepting that they’ll lose,
I’m just an optimistic realist,
A lyrical theorist,
I don’t force the lines I write,
I just accept they have to be this,

So we write we sing we preach,
Hoping like minds we can reach,
Because our mediums our weapon,
In this world if indiscretion,
We’re the star within the night,
The loudest voice within the fight,
It's a war for our salvation,
A war that’s of our own creation.

I cannot break these chains that bind me,
No more can I see past these walls that blind me,
I don’t know who I’m supposed to be,
I’ve no idea how to be me.

Am I broken,
Beyond repair,
No one see’s me so no one care’s,
I keep the pain buried deep,
Only letting it out when your all asleep.

I know there’s so much that I’m destined to do,
Things I start but don’t see through,
Something pulls but I don’t know to where,
If I don’t know whats lost,
Why do I care,

I feel empty but for the love of my own,
My scars are so hard they’ve turned to bone,
My mask so supple that you’ll never see,
The truth of what is really me.

Am I broken,
Beyond repair,
No one see’s me so no one care’s,
I keep the pain buried deep,
Only letting it out when your all asleep.

Time is ticking,
My fear grows strong,
Somethings not right but I don’t know what’s wrong,
I’m falling but no one can hear me cry,
I’m scared that what’s pulling,
Is my time to die,

I’m scared that I’ve not understood why I’m here,
I’m running out of time and filling with fear,
I want to live but can’t live this lie ,
To survive this maybe I have to die.

Maybe there’s more than what we know,
What if to stay I have to go,
What if these words are the last I’ll write,
As I pass my troubled soul into the night.

Windows

I watch people passing by,
I watch them going about their lives ,
I wonder if they’ve lost a husband or a wife.
I wonder if they’re going through the motions without a care,
I wonder if they’re thoughts are even there.

I wonder if one eye is always looking in the past,
Though they’re probably trying hard to look ahead,
Or if every day is just the same, getting up, going out then going to bed.

I wonder who is there for them,
If they’re on their own,
Do they think about the future, does it matter.
Are they seeing out their time just to ensure others are fine,
I’m thinking it’s the latter.

As I’m looking I realise I don’t really see,
Or is it that they’re all looking at me, I’m ok I say, I give a wave,
I’m just watching people passing by.

Then I see the  girls ,
They’re calling me out, they shout.
They’re waiting for me, they stand and stare,

It’s almost like there’s two of me now.
One that stopped and stayed back there to take care,
And one that carries on distantly aware,

I step out and join them along on their walk,
Our girls so grown up she’d be proud.
Passing by windows some quiet some loud.
I see a man looking out, looks lost in thought.

He waves,
I wave back and raise my eyes,
He mouths back he’s ok,
I feel for him he looks all on his own.
I hope he’s not alone,

I hope he’s as lucky as me,
He can see who I have with me.
I hope he also has family,
Looking out his window,
I wonder who he’d really like to see.