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John Destalo Feb 2021
it is not easy
to break patterns

a human is complex

the whole is more
than the sum

of the parts
and what are

the parts anyway

mind
body
soul

memories
fantasies
dreams

thoughts
feelings
instincts

if­ we can’t
really define

ourselves
how can we

change ourselves
purposefully
John Destalo Dec 2019
shapes are not sizes
and angels are not rain

but they fall

the earth is hard
and life is harder

without wings
or a net

the angry core is fire
compressed

and some stars
explode

but they do not die

she did not
catch me

when I fell

but she did not
promise to either

she had her own problems

I felt it when I landed
no bounce

(like her)

the earth had
nothing left to give
John Destalo May 2020
I dream of a desert
the cold nights

when life hides
and death is

exposed as needy
pleading for

satisfaction

the history of
christianity

is buried in a desert

the memory of
the night death

was found wanting
John Destalo Aug 2020
dig a small hole
to the deep

inside

release it
let it flow

slowly

close to the
surface

give it
words

to help
it move

that last
little bit

shape those
words into

something
beautiful

that everyone
wants to wear

on their
deep insides
John Destalo Aug 2020
not the devil
he is

wicked in a way
I want to be

with a wink
and a grin

always forgiven
for his sin

before he commits it

understanding
the equation

of pain and
pleasure

desire and
obsession

he stays one
step ahead

always changing
the rules

of the game
John Destalo Apr 2019
I turn her on
I turn her up

she can scream
into my ears and

I can bleed
in my head

til my brain is red
and her voice

is the river styx

flowing lava
into my last

synapse and

I am no
longer

connected to
a past

that never
served me

well anyway

she is evil when

only power
tells us who

is good
John Destalo Aug 2020
I am losing

shedding or peeling
snake or an onion

my thoughts
carve away

another layer
of myself

going deeper
into something

I call myself

all these sediments
all these past lives

how many layers
must I lose

until I can see
the eye

or will I just
disappear
John Destalo Apr 2020
I like to write
at night

very late
at night

with music
blasting my ears

and chemicals
invading my brain

the room is empty
no one can hear me

my mouth is
closed but

I am screaming
my digital words

into this digital paper

the zeros and ones
are invisible

but they leave
a permanent stain
John Destalo Jul 2020
so many of you
will never know

distance

to be somewhere
not too far away

but far enough
that you can’t

be reached

when I was a child
I would leave

the house early
and wander

aimlessly

no one knew
where I was

and no one
worried about

me
John Destalo Dec 2018
I do not know why



I live in space
and ask questions
of the sky

there is so much
distance in me

so many layers

so many unexplored
caves in these depths

I am a dark star
*******

in

my soul is twisted
my body is sore

I am a broken angel
all fight no flight

and I hear about him

the one
above me

lighting up
the night
as if a sun

his soul is smooth
and as he speaks

the birds listen

trying to learn how
to make
that beautiful sound

but I cannot hear him
and even if I could

I do not think I
would understand
his words

even if he sings them
John Destalo Jul 2020
I like a
little with

my music

I hate it
with my

information
John Destalo Mar 2020
shut me in
I am contagious

I do not scream
my words

they are loud
without sound

they reach the heart
of the mind

in no time

they are the
center of the

earth

power compressed
into a small space

a black hole
a dark star

a force
controlling

shut me in
I am dangerous
John Destalo Jan 2020
words can link us
to each other

but your words are
not bridges

so please don’t fall

the cliffs are jagged
and you could

accidentally land
on a point

then what would
we do
dog
John Destalo Mar 2020
dog
If I was a dog
I could shed

leaving behind
the heaviest parts

to be swept up
and tossed away

I would be light
and fresh

I would dance
like a puppy

ready to take
on anything

If I was a dog
dog
John Destalo Apr 2020
dog
I smell like
spaghetti

not a neat
eater

I always
dig in

face first
and slurp

with my nose

I push the
meatballs

aside to
play with

later

it is a meal
fit for king
John Destalo May 2020
the cost of
paper

we print

to solve
all our

problems

numbers
add up

but we can’t
count

that high

we don’t have
enough

fingers or toes
to pay

our debt
John Destalo Jul 2020
she called
herself

maybe
someone

called her
first

but now
she called

herself
doll face

porcelain

delicate
breakable

painted lips
puckered

posing for
pictures

discovering
pain lives

in paint
John Destalo Jun 2020
we all have
our limits

our weaknesses

one of mine
is direction

I do not
understand

east
west
north
south

I know
the words

but not
really what

they mean
I cannot follow

directions

perhaps that
is why I

have never
found my way

home
John Destalo Mar 2020
you will regret it

I do not look
like much

cheap haircut
and sneakers

thick glasses

skinny legs
kind of awkward

almost clumsy

but I am hungry
I will outwork

anyone that plays
against me

I don’t tire and
I don’t care if
I bleed

or you bleed

and honestly
I’m faster than I look

believe me

my team will be the best
because I was picked last
Just playing with a memory from the courts long ago
John Destalo Jun 2020
an admonition
to a child

we learn
so much

from each
other

to be shy
and never

try to
be more

than our
place

we were
placed

before we
knew

our place
and now

we know
our place

so we
don’t

try
John Destalo Jan 2019
He would spend his days in the muck called human interaction. Sitting at a table of liars and thieves, he dreamed of tiny puncture wounds and drops of rich, red blood. Each day stained.

His soft shoes and white coat roamed the quiet halls each night. Fluorescent glow, his constant companion, followed every step. I would sit on the floor by my door and listen for his sighs until sleep captured my imagination and I would dream. He would never sleep, he was a dream, I captured.

When he approached my door, I disappeared, a shadow lost in his radiance. He measured each line and then spoke to those of us not there. He expressed an imagination rich in metaphors; splicing pieces of fog into forms. His mind became my probe into darkness. My fears languished in tomorrows.

The soft spots in my brain, with the absorptive capacity of a baby, struggled to understand his words. After he disappeared, I would take a few steps out my room to explore. I mouthed his words without meaning and then sighed. The girl in the next room sat on her floor by her door and listened for my sighs until sleep captured her imagination and she would dream.
John Destalo Feb 2020
starts in a home
seems familiar

my dead mother

is alive and
making dinner

we talk about
something important

the conversation
is never clear

but it seems
familiar

we move outside

to a park with
crowds of almost
family

someone’s family
celebrating something

they all seem familiar
at least to each other

the park expands
into a resort

the mountain
background of
snow covered tips

contrasts with
the summer
resort setting

I walk by a
body of deep water

a large woman
in a one piece

is floating but

as she sings opera
she starts sinking

to the bottom
and then I am awake

and alone
An actual dream I had a few days ago
John Destalo Apr 2020
this night.  he watches me.  he stops me.  I cannot speak straight.  lines.  I slur my words.  I am chemically enhanced.  I change the color of rain.  with a snap of my dragons.  breath.  the world is.  on fire.  and I come.  through the flame.  untouched.  everyone claps.  creating a wave.  of emotion.  in me.  I want to cry.  purple tears.  like blackberry juice.  I open.  my mouth.  and speak.  an acceptance speech.  my words are.  readable.  in the air.  you like me.  you really really.  like me.
John Destalo Jul 2020
a brain that
doesn’t still

shivering
from life

in a

cold water
shower

paint the
rain blue

so it matches
my soul

we are those
lost in the

the pain
of early

loss

broken before
we grew all

our parts

so we never
felt whole
John Destalo Oct 2020
I was happy
walking in a

drizzle
words
dripping

from my lips
I was alone

making up
a conversation

I would have
with you

when we met
I would know

it was you
because you

would be happy
walking in a

drizzle
words
dripping
John Destalo Apr 2020
a naked shoulder
rounds into shape

she has two tattoos

one a shadow
of the other

a name
covered
by a rose

thorns
exposed

larger than
the bright
red
petals

a stem
extending
down her
thin
wanting arms

like a vein
emptying
pain

into her
heart
John Destalo Apr 2020
I don’t want to sleep
the night is not

long enough

street lights are
not sunlight and

I can see in the dark

slim limbs
I walk in the quiet

wide eyes
I see your future

sharp teeth
I make you

and I pray
to no one

before I sleep
you have not a soul

to keep
In isolation, watching my favorite, a Buffy marathon on Hulu
John Destalo Jan 2020
just because it’s
in my head

doesn’t mean it
isn’t real

and I thought

the world is
different

than I imagined
it to be

and when we were
drunk

tom told a riddle
that we did not

understand

but we laughed anyway
John Destalo Apr 2020
I was a leftover
the end of the road

they did not make love
when they conceived of me

maybe he was drunk
maybe she was sad

and lonely

missing the one
she lost

nine months before

it was a different time
a poor man worked

for whatever he could get

and a poor woman
had a duty

maybe it’s not a
different time

for the poor
John Destalo Mar 2020
I see you pray.  
your legs are bent.
your head is bowed.  
your eyes are closed.  
your hands are clasped.
your words are invisible.  
your faith is real.
John Destalo May 2020
strangely
beautiful

shapely
and sharp

always with
a story to

tell

staring at
me escaping

from behind
bronze

locks

they know
they are

my kryptonite
and they will

use this
knowledge

to destroy me
or at least

make me weak
enough to

overcome me
John Destalo Mar 2020
the day after spring.  
I walk outside.
into empty streets.
my steps still carry the cold.  

the sky is black.
the voices from the deep.
seem near.
you can’t be alone.  
we won’t let you be.
without us. ever.

I swallow.
small holes of intensity.
multiple colors.
I feel the slow burn.
descend.
as I am entered by.
a hazy band of light.

it is expanding.
and I am rising.
into the dark.
seeing exploding stars.
sparkle.

I cannot stop.
I have to let it.
burn itself out.
John Destalo Nov 2018
she speaks in a way
that speaks to me

she steals pieces of my soul
and hides them in her little secrets

everything she says
is an ocean

and I want to drown
I want to drown
falling into the deepest

parts

knowing that in her words
I cannot swim
I don’t want to swim
I don’t want to float

I want to lie at
the bottom of the
deepest parts

and lose my breath
give up my breath

I want to get eaten by
something with

sharp teeth and
a sharper mind

so I no longer exist
outside of her

and when she whispers
those wishes she wishes

they will be my wishes

she does not know me
but she gets me
Inspired by another poet
John Destalo Jun 2020
what if
everything

was less

it was not
a race

to have more

what if
this god

said

accumulation
was a sin

and most
everyone

believed it

what would
become of

everyone

would we
have more

together
John Destalo Dec 2018
I

she is no one
she is someone

all of she is one

one of she is
everyone

II

I try to understand her
through her words

I try to understand
through her words

she is not just her to me
she is me to me

something about me to me

I try to understand me
through her words

III

she speaks but
she does not speak to me

she speaks into a circle
where everything

eventually comes
back to her

IV

she has a mind that
overworks

she has a heart that
overfeels

she has a soul
that overdies

she has nine lives
that never change

V

I want to be a word
something that can be defined

something that has a meaning
John Destalo Feb 2020
when he sings
he is me

or that is what
I think

they could be
my words

he sings

they are my
feelings

I feel

or that is what
I think

when I listen
to him sing

he knows
my pain

he is smart
and lonely

he is raw
and naked

or that is what
I think

when I listen
to him sing
My favorite band :)
John Destalo Oct 2020
skinny
white bird
so sensitive
to sound
I do not
want to
scare you
I want to
be near
you so
I can
tell you
I am you
in my own
form
I cannot fly
to get away
but I can
dream
of living free
like you
John Destalo Aug 2020
ferocity flows
through her

touch her
feel your

sparks ignite
tiny explosions

that tickle
your deepest parts

like your soul
is being

massaged

you can finally
relax and forget

and let yourself
go anywhere
John Destalo Mar 2019
I am alone tonight
like most nights

the wind howls
changing into a wolf

I leave my house
to walk

just to walk

loose things move
through the street

trying to block me
or lead me

I end up
somewhere
dark and loud

the skinny ghosts dance
moving into and out of
each other

beginnings and
endings disappear

there are only
moments bleeding
into each other

she walks next
to me
close to me
against me

she is electric
not like lightning
or electrocution

more like static

the sparks that
communicate a
connection

the sparks that scare
without too much harm

at first
John Destalo Mar 2019
energy I do not expend
eats me

unexpressed expressions
are so hungry

they smell my
every weak scent

like a pack
of rabid dogs

digging wet teeth
and disease
into me

I fight trying
to hold in
just one piece

that piece I
never want
you to see

tonight I will
try to sleep

counting
electrified
sheep
John Destalo Mar 2020
and I sit in the warmest
place on earth

on a wooden bench
outside a cafe

where each day
at a specific time

the sun focuses
all her powers

...

sipping a latte
wearing shades

I feel like a star
John Destalo Jun 2020
the meaning
of a girl

to be all
she can be

in this world
and any other

when the moon

covers the sun
we call it

an eclipse
when she rises

to her peak
she doesn’t cover

anyone

life is not
really a

competition
everyone can

shine that is
the point of

being different
John Destalo Jun 2020
neck stretched
to see

elongated
is one of
my favorite
words

curves hold
your tilted

head

are you
thinking

about
someone

or something

I hope it is
something

or me
John Destalo Feb 2019
Like a tall, thick tree
struck by lightning
I am shocked
at how quickly I fall
and how quiet
the forest can be
when I am alone
John Destalo Jul 2020
my mind at night

I reach for
the shiniest stars

wanting to burn bright
I notice details

the layers of everything
the connections

between light and dark

and when I
think like this

each word I conjure
is an ocean

wanting to drown me

I imagine I am a
rock star screaming

my wants are so deep

that I consume
everything

and I still feel empty
John Destalo Jun 2020
yes, less
is more

the negation
of volume

the space
it creates

is so
valuable

absence
is permission

to explore
to discover

another way

to ask more
questions

and wait
for answers

after all

it takes time
to digest
John Destalo Feb 2020
winter licks
your cheeks

leaving strawberry stains

white drops
color your
thick hair

making you wise
beyond your years

crystal knives
hang from
the trees

you lie down
making an angel

playing a
waiting game
John Destalo Apr 2020
barefoot I would
run along the

railroad tracks

see how far I could run
without falling

got pretty good

at this time

they were mostly
abandoned

the railroad tracks
where I lived

mostly used for
factories that

weren’t there
anymore

my grandfather
and uncle worked

on the railroads
most of their lives

repairing them

when it was
manual work

handheld tools
and brute strength

they were not
large men

old school
Italians

weathered and
strong-willed

the railroad
tracks

were the
place I would go

to get away

I could walk for
miles

and see no one
John Destalo Oct 2020
she dumps me
over the side

I fall deep
enough

to where I
am without

breath

to where the
ocean asks

me questions
wanting to

know where
I come from

I tell her
my story

she cries her
first tears

and gives me
all the oxygen

she has

so I can live
long enough

to love again
John Destalo Oct 2020
for a few years
I had a mom

I wish it was
a few years

more
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