if one day

the same day
the same time

on that one day

everyone
prayed to

each other
asking

forgiveness
for whatever

pain we caused
in others

and in ourselves
would we feel

different

would that be
enough to heal

everyone

I remember
the ocean

Indian

over 100
days circling

at sea

white hat
blue jeans

bell bottoms

I remember
the guys

serving
together

there was
no war

declared

but we
were always

at risk

serving
together

over 100
days circling

at sea

I watch her dance

her movement
is singular
she trained
every cell to be
in synch
it is communication
in its purest form
internally and
externally

I understand
something about

eternity when

I watch her dance

truth is immortal
it can be buried

but it will not die
you are mortal

so you may not
have to face truth

but your history
will be changed

when truth rises
from your grave

there is no
perfection

there is
trying and

learning
changing

to adapt
to truth

the reality
we all face

if we are
honest

with
ourselves

he feels
himself

deep
inside

the devil
he can’t

express

the truth
he tries

to destroy

it is a
whack

a mole
popping

up

in so many
places

he will
destroy

them all
to not

reveal
the truth

he will
destroy

the world

as he tries
to hide

from the
truth

about
himself

Despite feeling corroded
I did not dissolve
back into the earth

as I had wished.

Just as expired stars
the lights that have haunted me for so long,
disappeared.

I must have reached the outer span
of their rapt attention.

I just may be forgotten
and there is finally…

quiet..

I move, and for the first time,
I am aware of my movement.

I walk around this small space
to explore the edges of…

the walls are sweating
as if they have been working

my mind
is not yet embodied.

I live in darkness,
I am still a stranger to myself.

I touch myself
to feel human.

I touch the healing scar on my
shaved head.

I think
if I pick
at it
I can
free myself

But alas
I am the perfect workmanship
of my creator.

I cannot free myself.

I leave this womb.
I know I am separate from my creator.

I now know I am human.

she felt alive but
she did not know

if she was

he told her things

but he was the
only one

so she had no
comparison

she felt unique but
she did not know

if she was

there were versions
of her

before

but isn’t that
true of all of us

did she have a
heart?

wet metal
flows but

is it blood?

her feelings
flow but

is it love?

the fat hamster
in the wheel

chasing dreams
it knows it can
never catch

but it can’t stop itself

I know what it is
being ripped into two

sides

warring against
each other

the dichotomy
of demons

wanting to possess
others to live

abstractions are chemicals

be careful when you
use them

they can be explosive
and only use them

if they are necessary
and if you

understand and can explain
the ingredients

their chemical composition

otherwise spend the
time learning them

before you express
them to others

and like scientists
engage in peer review

before you use them

make sure others
challenge you

to make your
points stronger

or leave it to
the professionals

which isn’t you
if you can’t clearly

explain yourself
or can’t handle being

challenged

I want me.

everything I say.
gratifies me.
I grade myself.
superior.
I please myself.
in every way.
I tell stories.
about myself.
as the hero.
I tell the world.
how much.
they need me.
I am the beginning.
of everything.
good.
before me.
there was nothing.
good.

love me.
trust me.
tell me.

at the beginning.
of everything.
you say.

how great
I am. and.

blame me.
for nothing.

the leaves are
disappearing

intersecting
naked branches

some thick
some thin

extend in
every direction

why do we
prepare for

winter by
removing

our coverings
and exposing

our skeletons
to everyone

are we not
as vulnerable

as you

tonight I
do not have

the words
for anything

my mind is
fragments

disconnected
from my soul

my heart is
simply a pump

I cannot form
complete

sentences

I see no
patterns

in life

I have nothing
to express

deep breathing
a thought

like an ant
leaves a trail

we can follow
but like a stream

it will never
be the same

each time
we enter it

I am ok
I am ok

if I thought hard enough.  I could probably break.  into pieces.  at least inside.  I was lost.  many times.  I was saved.  once.  that day.  my world was so small.  everything seemed within reach.  and everything mattered.

it was then.  a small man with.  a big mouth. spoke.  the word of god.  as if he was. i am.

and for a few moments.  maybe longer.  but not an eternity.  I forgot when my brain was soft.  or that it was still soft.  or that it could always be soft.  enough to change.  it was later.  that I learned.  that.

faith is death.  the end of mystery.  and doubt.  one night.  I dreamed a new world.  into existence.  an afterworld.  where angels ask me questions.  after all.  they cannot question.  anyone else.  

and without any answers.  we all held hands.  and walked away.  believing.  in doubt.

Faith decays faster than it grows.

You weren’t with me at night when
I went to sleep
so how could I know you
would be with me when I awoke.

I never told you about my recurring dreams.

The one where I’m
standing on the stairs
as they turn to sand
and swallow me.

The one where I’m
drowning in a drinking fountain

reaching out for you
as you turn from me.

I never told you I was afraid
to leave my room.

I didn’t think you would remember
anyway.

If I could never trust my father
how I could I ever believe in God.

systems are
salvation

the gods
are patterns

repetitions
we learn

to love

because they
work

sometimes

all models
are wrong

but we are
designers

correcting
our mistakes

and our is
all of us

those who
came before

and

those who
follow us

beauty is
simplicity

perfection

and while
we may not

be beauty

we are beautiful

striving for
perfection

in everything
we do

we are at the age
when nature speaks

and we reach

for the green at
the top of the trees

it happens
and sometime

later we notice
we left

where we were
and it feels like

we can’t stop
and even if

we did

we are so
far away

we could
never climb

out and get
back to

anywhere near
where we were

we start to
remember

the voices
warning us

the voices
we couldn’t

hear when we
started to fall

when we didn’t
know were

falling

skin melts
into cream

I dream
of a world

without me

where cameras
are too big

to hold
or hide

and I can
walk my

dog “diggity”
on the street

and clean up
behind him

and it is
a chore

not a story

and I wish blood
was not so thick
and sticky

so it would not
pull me back

and it could be
easily drained
from my skin

and replaced
by something clean

and I wish the
past was not
so close

and familiar

and with time
and space
I could lose it

and I wish I could
float away from here

toward something
shiny and new

something that
reminded me

of nothing

pain is human

nothing hurts
without nerves

or words

I have never lived
with angels

we all walked
crooked paths

and sometimes
we learn

everything breaks
and most things

start out broken

you didn’t
speak my name

out loud

you swept me
under the rug

I was that
bulge everyone

stepped over

I was not
a mystery

in fact
I was

quite famous

everyone
knew me

or wanted
to know me

but you made
sure I would

never be more
than a whisper

the world is
filled with fans

it is short
for fanatic

in 32 minutes
she was liked

over 1 million times
talked to

or worshipped
over 21,000 times

I swear

I was only
one of them

His blood,
as thin as he,
runs through me.

I am finally running out
of his
diluted memories.

Barhopping at ten
years old;
looking for him
on visitation Saturdays.

I knew what vampires
looked like…

…when you open
the doors
and the light
from a sunny day
shines in
and they scatter
because they think
I might
be looking for them…

oh science!

your job is to
understand

but you do not
understand me

you have made me
in the image of others

wanting me to be
the image of you

thinking you
understand life

you have taken
life apart

and collected it
in multiple pieces

that you think
can become a whole

believing you
only you

can put them back
together in a way

in whatever way
you want

that you can create
not from scratch

but from the leftovers
of others

oh science!

you are not a god

your job is
to understand

but you don’t
understand me

those ephemeral
little demons

haunting me

If I shout
I might die

the reverberations
creating waves

in the atmosphere

don’t launch the
astronauts

delay until my
day is done

if they feel
me in this

state they
will join me

as I fall to pieces

I say the word
that was taken

for granted for
so long

and now there

are so many
questions

being asked
about these

categories

and sometimes
I don’t know

what to say
I have to stop

and think

sometimes that
is good and

sometimes that
is bad only

time will tell

fatale

legs to
eternity

wearing

shiny thigh
high boots

in the rain

she leans
against

a light post
like she owns

the streets

she doesn’t
ask

she smokes em
cause she

got em

I remember
a boy who

could not swim
in water

so he would
escape into

a lake of ferns
he would crawl

silently and
imagine

becoming part
of the earth

he would lie
still for hours

no one could

see him in
the green

waves created
by the wind

they would
walk right

by him as if
he was just

another fern

in the earth
it was buried

not forgotten
not forgiving

it fell deep
becoming

part of the
core

heating
itself

in rage
it could

not be
satiated

searching
for cracks

looking for
an escape

it found
not one

but so many

that it could
not explode

it had to seep
to reach the

surface and
then spread

either way it
will make

its point

the dragon is
without anger

it breathes
as any living creature

exhaling flames
without direction

it is unaware that
it lives within
a larger purpose

like cleaning the
floor of a forest
of the dead things

the things that will
not leave on their own

like the dead things
within us that
create a clutter and

refuse to disappear

sometimes we need
a dragon within us

to breathe without
anger or purpose

taking from us
those dead things
we don’t know

still exist

some temptation
tugs at my soul
something I desire
reaches all my senses
I move toward it
without hesitation
want and need are one
risk and reward
will not be calculated
I am abandon
I am captured
the sultry spider whispers
sweet nothings
into my ear
I feel an urge
to escape
I feel an urge
to give in
every part of me
is twisted
and ready to explode

she lights
fires in

simple men

we don’t ask
for much

just a touch
of sin

we can be
your afterthought

just make us
feel real

the moment

you light
the spark

the rage.  the spark.  the flame.

you set me on fire.

and waited.

as I turned to ash.

I am not phoenix.

I will not rise.

you had one chance.

and you blew it.

sharp cuts
feel less pain

she thought
I loved her

because I
said so

but what did
I know

I had less
blood

in my brain

she said
I was lost

like the devil

and she was
probably right

like the devil
I was rejected

by my
first love

she dips her
head in a

puddle of his tears

breathing in
deeply she

holds her breath

waiting for
that dove with

the broken wing
to bring her hope

we all have songs
we can’t sing
out loud
they speak for us
they feel for us
they have the
softest hands
that reach so deep
they know things
about us
we don’t want others
to know
they can rip us
apart from the first
note

I

truth is not a wall

it is not a permanent
structure

it does not permanently block you out
it does not permanently block me in

it is freedom

and like words
it is ambiguous

it learns
and changes
and evolves
over time

as we learn
and change
and evolve
over time

the world is
not a cake
but it is layered

it needs to be broken
down into more elemental
pieces to be understood

and then built back up
into a new form
to make sense

and it needs people
who are capable
of understanding
to make sense of it

II

the man has many words
but not a lot of thoughts

and not much meaning
he doesn’t mean much

he is not layered
he is very small
in depth

the layered world
is too big for him

he cannot make sense
of all these layers

he does not understand
what is happening

he cannot process
all this information

but he is too scared
to admit it

so he avoids it
or worse he fights it

he destroys everything
above him

and most things
are above him

he has to try to
shrink the world

so that it makes
sense to him

III

many people
understand this
about him

they use words
like *****
or child
to describe him

and whatever word
they use

what they
are really saying is
that he is small and simple
minded

that he is not capable
of understanding this layered world
which he is supposed to lead

and it is these people

who know firsthand
of his smallness
and say next to nothing
and do next to nothing

and even worse
support him

try to explain him
to others

to explain to others
what he means

to explain to others
how he makes sense

these are the people
who should feel shame

IV

we all are who we are
we all do what we do

just as he

it is up to others to check us
to balance us

that is why our founding fathers
gave us a system

three separate but equal parts

it is up to us to use them
the way they were intended

it is up to use
to understand that parties
or whatever we call them

are beneath our systems

it is our systems
that are supposed to live long
after we die

just as they lived long
after the founders died

V

that is our legacy as Americans

that is why America is great
that is when America is great

I reach edges

and fall down
it is not round

this world

I cannot get
back to the

place I started
and start again

and try again
try harder

I had one
chance

I was sinking
losing myself

you could

still see me
so you thought

I was safe
and never

reached out
to lift me

and I thought
I was floating

so I never asked
for your help

wind is music
as the yellow

flowers dance
the rhythm of

love

spreading seeds
into the sky

sparkling like
little suns

sometimes life
is easy

those living
things

living deep
inside

sleep most
days

and most
nights

only come
alive

when you
walk by

and say hi

on the pier
a morning walk

where nothing
is clear

from the first
I feel at home

no one can really
see me

I cannot really
see you

something can be
anything

someone can be
anyone

slightly above
the earth

I dance
I must be

slightly
lighter

than air

I lost
weight

the fading
memory

of losing
you to him

it doesn’t
hurt as much

and pain
has more

weight than
we realize

I am footloose
but not yet

fancy free
but I will

get there

if I let go
I will sink
I am too heavy to float
my head is dense
like a forever forest
that never faces fall
everything that enters
mixes with everything
already there
I cannot sleep
my dreams are too intense
layers upon layers
secret passages
dead ends
I can barely find my way out
and eventually
I may not want to
what happens then
who will ever find me
in my forever forest

like smoke
mostly

I disappear
there is a

trace of me
somewhere

in you

I could be
a poison

or a moment
of pleasure

depending on
the time of day

it was this day
you made me

a promise
about this day

telling me what
was going to

happen

you would
make up

make up
for everything

you did and
didn’t do

so I would
forget all those

things

a day so
memorable I

would forget
all those things

I did a count
down

a daily count
down

marking off
the days

until today

there are still
a few minutes

left

you still have
a few seconds

left

will the young
lose their memory

in their machines
can their machines

forget or is erased
the same as forgetting

is the nature of
knowing changing

what is the source
of an idea

and where is it located
will we all be implanted

or have we always
been implanted

is innovation alchemy
and what are the

ingredients

do we know our
own recipes

can we recreate
ourselves

and become our
own young