our pants rolled up

bare feet dangling
in a cold lake

touch each other
a little at first

blood flows and
goose pimples grow

each foot has a mind
of its own

slow dancing beneath
the surface

whispering to each other

“the longer we stay
the warmer we get”

not the devil
he is

wicked in a way
I want to be

with a wink
and a grin

always forgiven
for his sin

before he commits it

understanding
the equation

of pain and
pleasure

desire and
obsession

he stays one
step ahead

always changing
the rules

of the game

is how I
want to feel

uncivilized
uncultured
undeveloped
immature

a screaming
banshee
ravaging
woods

reaching back
and grabbing
time by
the throat

no one has yet
cursed me
with potential

I cannot
be polished

I will never
shine

so when you
describe me
to another

use the word
raw

and feel
red meat

between your teeth
sliding past your tongue
and down your throat

Sun sitting high
breathing heat
a sky that sparks
with electric light
never reaching me.

I crawl along
the bottom
scratching
my name
her name
trying to erase
his name
from the sand

breaking bitter nails
too weak to bleed

Acid burns my tongue
I am the other sun
the one bubbling up
from
beneath the surface

Large, ugly birds with silver beaks
the lovers of old meat
wake and immediately
seek my death.

I let them think my death
think I am a carcass
as they circle me.

I eat them whole
when they land.

They feed my isolation
this feeling of being lost
and alone
broken in two
by a wall of ***** wind
***** words
her words
his words
living with
this waiting
for
the taste of wet
the taste of pink
the taste of lips

For a taste of someone else’s spit

this waiting for the
constant dryness of earth
to swallow me whole

to end this drying
of my insides out.

my words spread
in my head

a sea of weeds
that never believe

swallowing gods
and demons

digesting nothing
I am alone

I am in a creek
up to my knees

mud between my toes
holding me in place

sort of fishing

you are on the bank
on a blanket

your head on a soft pillow
a glass of wine within reach

sort of reading

you say something sort of funny
and I sort of laugh

alone on
a path

by a stream

my foot falling
on a fallen leaf

one crackle

and I hear a
sound

movement
something

rising from
the weeds

small head
beady eye
long beak

dark feathers
lift the skinny

body from
the surface

it glides
along the

stream and
disappears

alone

don’t look at me
that way

I feel naked
in your presence

I am not in control
I cannot remain silent

your questions
have exposed me

you have loosed
my tongue

with your cleverness
with your insight

seeing inside me

you must be from
another world

you possess a
super power

I have never felt

I see in me

what you said
is in me

I am his
I am he

the one
who painted

the hatred in
your heart

I cannot help it

I cannot drain
him from me

sometimes blood
is poison

that does not ****

and

sometimes cells
are cells

we bit the apple
it was juicy

we let it drip
all over us

licking up
every drop

on that day

everything
came alive

in us and
around us

on that day

everything alive
could die

that day

was the
first day

we wanted
to live

and I heard words
that jumped at me

fish on a feeding frenzy

we give our life
to meaning

meaning is the
drug

meaning is the
hurricane

spinning
spreading
*******

we create
meaning
in a mushroom

the secret
shhhhh…

knowing which
one is poisonous

Sound, sound, sound
the dimensions of which are endless, defenseless, I can be quiet, like you told me.  

Only you said it in a way that was far more unsettling.  What are the metaphors for the quiet; a snake, a cat before it pounces on an unsuspecting mouse, oh, the defenseless mouse, and the dead?  

I learned how to be quiet one night in a breathless bar.  It was with you, I think.  My memory goes in and out; oh you already know that, of course you do.

We were there no more than ten minutes when my voice disappeared.  The suddenness was almost laughable to you.  I opened my mouth to speak; sandpaper rubbing against my vocal cords swollen from useless overuse.  It is strange how many people can suddenly go deaf.  

Here we are again, you ignoring me as if I do not exist.  You seem to be disappearing into various levels of sound as I begin to merge into the surroundings.  With only one sound there is silence.  I could be a ghost.  I could be a ghost.

I have seen
your garden

delicately
maintained

I have walked
through your garden

carefully

admiring the
colors

absorbing the
fragrances

I lean down
toward your

prized flowers

and kiss a rose
to show you

I am not
afraid to

bleed a little
for love

we are young
in the universe

of time

barely part
of history

but we think
we created

the modern world
that we are the

definition of good
in this complex

of worlds
I look in the

mirror and
ask myself

why five times
to find a cause

at the root

as I listen to
david sing

about being
afraid of

americans
I see generations

of myself
looking back

and I am
afraid too

Entering an enclave;
an encased little city
in the sky.

I must appear the same
today as yesterday

blue suit, white stripes
a corporate tiger
black shoes, wing tips
an ostrich
because I cannot fly.

I smell the fragrance of the artificial;
emotions set in stone.

I brush against the texture of coats on
the wall, the building up of artifacts.

I can feel the artistry and the
attitudes of the painters

templates of the care taken on both
the good and bad days.

I hear a cough move quickly
through cubicles; a contagion,
a protest song.

If I stand still at the top for long enough
I can see the patterns of movement
beneath me.

I can see atoms dancing to the bumps
and bruises of a life lived in an enclave
in the sky
as if it is a choreography
as if they are living out a plan

but I know there is no plan
only reactions; being set in stone.

the leaves are
disappearing

intersecting
naked branches

some thick
some thin

extend in
every direction

why do we
prepare for

winter by
removing

our coverings
and exposing

our skeletons
to everyone

are we not
as vulnerable

as you

who are you?

protecting me
from you

who am I?

protecting you
from me

we search each other
with our eyes

maybe flirting

our masks move up
theorizing a smile

our hidden lips
six feet apart

ache for
something more

she’s an interesting cat.  her mind moves.  fast.  
not without direction.  but she is hard to follow.
she knows more.  then me.
she knows all.  the hiding places.
and waits for me.  to enter
so she can pounce.
I know it is coming.  but I enter.
anyway.  exposing myself.

she devours me.
as nature.  take its course.

I slip-slide into
the vessel of
pain and pleasure

pressure dissolves
into silver glitter
flakes of dreams
leave me
floating over me

I lick them up
count them with
my tongue
and just before
they dissolve
I swallow them

they feel like the
sudden warmth
that makes you
shiver a little

they create
connections
that spread
through me
with intense speed

into deep space
into empty space
turning into
one thing
one pure thing

and for an instant
I am connected

throughout
time and space
connected

merged into being
and nothingness

and just before
I dissolve
I am swallowed
by something
or someone

I am the
sudden warmth
that makes you
shiver a little

they say love
is a breath

don’t think
about it or
you will forget
how to do it

don’t try to hold it
for too long or

it will **** you

the fat hamster
in the wheel

chasing dreams
it knows it can
never catch

but it can’t stop itself

I know what it is
being ripped into two

sides

warring against
each other

the dichotomy
of demons

wanting to possess
others to live

she didn’t tell secrets
but she liked to whisper

her words were never shallow
and she was never scared

no matter how far we sank

she sang songs I never heard
and taught them to me

we sang songs they never heard

she never told me
she was made of glass

if I had known

I would have never let
her slip through

my fingers

think about
one thing

care about
one thing

challenge
one thing

believe in
one thing

that is
a start

I cut the strings

and slumped
in my seat

I had no strength
of my own

I didn’t even
know what

my own meant

but I was determined
to find out

with great effort
and many days

I lifted my head
opened my eyes

and saw what was
right in front of me

it was a start

I knew the sounds
had meaning

but I did not know
what they meant

their beauty was
evident

in their sounds
and their spaces

but is it the beauty
of pleasure or pain

is it the beauty of love
or loneliness

I could not tell

I just knew I felt
something pure

and I had to
find a way

to say thank you

I am alone tonight
like most nights

the wind howls
changing into a wolf

I leave my house
to walk

just to walk

loose things move
through the street

trying to block me
or lead me

I end up
somewhere
dark and loud

the skinny ghosts dance
moving into and out of
each other

beginnings and
endings disappear

there are only
moments bleeding
into each other

she walks next
to me
close to me
against me

she is electric
not like lightning
or electrocution

more like static

the sparks that
communicate a
connection

the sparks that scare
without too much harm

at first

She licked me
stuck her tongue inside of me
like I was an electric socket

like she saw some invisible, powerful
thing raging
inside this plain, broken exterior

something that would shock her
that would radiate inside her
make her curly hair stand end to end

like this cracked skin wasn’t meant to
protect what was inside

but to protect the outside from
what was living inside

and if she could only free it
if she could only feel it

she could become it

she wasn’t scared
this pretty girl likes electricity

I felt the
darkness

move in
a welcome

guest I made
a bed for us

to rest

I watched
the clouds

cry on my
window the

the most
perfect tears

misshapen circles
about to bleed

I had to capture

them before
the light returned

and they disappeared

I am so freaking human.  I want to die.  feelings are these animals.  rampaging.  words are these viruses.  ******* my brain.  from a crazy straw.  I can feel the pressure.  being swallowed by a snake. I can feel each curve.

I am so freaking human.  the planet is dying.  vomiting all these chemicals.  raining acids.  accidently making ****.  she is weak and confused.  unable to control.  even her base
survival instincts.

I am so freaking human.  she is telling me.  close my mouth.  I talk too much.  while saying nothing.  she is telling me.  give in to my two ears.  hear what is always around me.  stay still and silent.  she will tell me secrets.

I am so freaking human.  but today I will try.  to be still and silent.  I will try to listen.  to her.  but I am so freaking human.  and I must want to die.  why else would I keep living like this.

the purple
pope

beyond
royalty

beyond
religion

he created
the

consummation

of sound
and ***

the guitar
screams

its devotion
to his hands

and we are
all raised

to another
plane of

existence

he cannot
be replaced

I asked the mountain to dance with me
let the wind guide our movements
perhaps the birds will sing for us
so we can feel the music
come alive inside each other
you are ancient and wise
have seen it all from
your great heights
I am a new life
small yes and have seen nothing
but I have this unbounded energy
perhaps you can teach me balance
and I can teach you imbalance
as we learn to move together
to create a better world

we take a walk
in the woods

stepping on
our shadows

breaking sticks
and throwing
stones

whispering words
that never hurt us

we hold hands
and wait long enough

for a black turtle
to cross our path

volcano breath
burst of energy

human bodies
crash

feel the force

explode
my ears

then my
soul

make me feel
everything

then make me
think

then make me
question

everything
and know that

nothing is
settled

you were
little not small

you knew more
than you
should have

you were
filled with
feelings

like me
you knew
something
was missing

death entered
early

taking from us
too much
too soon

the gaps were
too large
for us to leap

so we fell
into each other

and now
almost a
grown up

when I
think

for more than
a moment

and I feel too much
I think of you

you were the
first soft thing

I ever knew

if you take
all that I feel

tonight

and wrap it into
a ball of blue yarn

you could crochet
your own ocean

and drown in me

this week
life was hard

I fell again

broke my happy bone
became an
emotional invalid

falling
into an
invisible
hole

I was here
close to you
near to you

but you did
not see me

the deer in
your headlights

I wanted
you to hit me
make me feel
something

but I avoided
you again

you missed me
but I was already
gone anyway

unaware of
what you felt
when you missed me

this week was hard

I fell into a shell
and pretended to
be a rock

maybe when you
are bored you will

kick me

she said it
wasn’t her

looking back
she went outside

to find herself

she loved her
shadow more

she said

it was always
honest with her

I think she is brilliant
I want to be one of her words
just one of her magic words
that casts a spell over all these people

I will start as a mere disturbance in her
a feeling that something important just happened
a desire that she cannot yet name

I will spend so much time in her cavernous mind
wandering through all her crevices
falling off the cliffs into deep water

god she is so deep
how am I able to breathe
there is so much going on in here

all this energy
explosions of thought
everything moves
so quickly
that nothing should
connect

but somehow it
all does

and when she finally
turns me into
form

real enough so
she can grasp me
begin to understand me
and she expels me
from her

as one short word
of one short poem

because I was inside her
people will think
I am brilliant

I

I am in a dream
with sullen creatures

we have holes
in our pockets

losing hope and
other pieces of lint

our shadows drip
like icicles
obeying the sun

spreading a little
darkness

down the drain

II

angels love
the smell of water

they cannot swim
so they fly close

enough to feel
the mist

hovering like hummingbirds
so that it covers them

and they drip
with desire

falling in love with
their own odors

III

fairies lift the air

sprinkling silver
dust on everyone

creating stars from
slivers of light

they live and love
in small places

spreading hope
around the world

waiting for all the
sullen creatures

to find them

I ask the river
to swallow me

but with this drought
it is in more pain

than me
it asks me for my help

asks me what have I done
to this world

says everything was fine
before me

I tear off my clothes
exposing myself to nature

I jump in and

sink a few feet
to the bottom

I start to cry
hoping every little bit

helps

I speak to
the mysterious force

the wind

lift me
carry me

take me with you

I know you are
strong enough

to hold me
to keep me

from falling apart

you may be
the only one

she is in pain
the quiet kind

there are no
cuts or scars

there are no
lumps or bruises

there are no
screams or tears

nothing is broken
nothing ever heals

three equal parts
make a whole

that is how it was designed
to function

balance is everything
one force checking the other

they knew…the danger of…
the ultimate force…

power

power is always hungry
power is insatiable

power is not possessed
it possesses whatever it enters

it must always be checked
…constrained
by other forces

anyone assigned to
one of the parts

must use their power
to constrain the power

in the other parts

they designed parts
not parties

parties cannot constrain
themselves

that is why we have parts
to constrain power

there really is no other reason

he likes

the lights
at night

heat rubs
against his

brown wings

the danger
of sparks

excites him

he is not
a butterfly

blue beauty

flitting about
in the sun

he is not
that simple

I was happy
walking in a

drizzle
words
dripping

from my lips
I was alone

making up
a conversation

I would have
with you

when we met
I would know

it was you
because you

would be happy
walking in a

drizzle
words
dripping

pale blue eyes
I can see

through you

to the bottom
where you

really live

your white skin
is paper thin

appearing
fragile

but I know
you are

stronger than
that

you have been
broken beyond

any bones
and survived

you have
dandelion’s

breath

spreading life
wherever

you land

there have been
moments
when I felt myself
complete

every cell
of body and soul
integrated
alive and
thriving

a universe
inside a universe
giving birth
to another universe

sensitive
to the fluttering
of air
the movement of
butterflies
from anywhere and
everywhere
electrifying my skin

penetrating
making me

come out of
my skin

emerging

with wings
white and thick

a soul aged not old

I have had moments
like this

they always start
when I stand on a cliff

and lift my arms to fly
and I jump

believing I can fly
or someone will catch me

she wakes to
the desperate fool

sleeping soundly
rubbing his crystals

he is holding on
to his imagination

she has been down

so many holes
she knows

everything is fake
in this land

what is left to wonder
everyone is a

creature with secrets
to tell

some tears
fall inside

sight unseen

softening
the soul

preparing
us to be

remade

with my finger
I make small circles
in the air
I am conducting
something
before there was
something
the sound of cells
separating
it is the first music
instrumental
instruments
beginning the
formation
of space and time
the dividing lines
making anything
possible
but I do not decide
I am not right
or wrong
good or evil
I only create context
you fill in all
the blanks