I cannot
shed my
skin

the ***** cells
are clinging
to me

they are
supposed
to become
dust

but they
have decided
to remain

and build up
and weigh
me down

so I don’t
feel like
doing

anything

they are
supposed
to leave me

at least
daily

so I can
feel clean

and be
renewed

instead of
lost in this

old mattress rut

slightly above
the earth

I dance
I must be

slightly
lighter

than air

I lost
weight

the fading
memory

of losing
you to him

it doesn’t
hurt as much

and pain
has more

weight than
we realize

I am footloose
but not yet

fancy free
but I will

get there

the smart girl laughs

only when it matters
only when it means

something

then I know I am funny
she gets it

but still I never get her

what does a guy
have to do

plug me in
I want to

feel a force
surging

through me

I want to be
fully charged

I want to be
released

into the machines
I want to be

the power that
energizes the

world to change

what I meant
was hidden

in between
the words I said

it was not
intentional

I don’t always
know what I mean

until I see
what I said

so please
don’t always

take me at
my word

sometimes

I need to
learn about

myself before
I can share

it with you

at the end
the words

had no form
they were bullets

exchanged

without direction
sprayed everywhere

there was no real
intent

other than to
inflict pain

on each other
like a spaghetti

western
there were

no victims here
just a couple

of anti-heroes
staring each

other down

if all we said
we said
leaving nothing
unsaid
would we
understand each
other more or less
is there space
for space
between us
does space give
us more meaning
to play with
each other or
more space to
play with others

there are so
many ways

to feel

and just as
many ways

to numb

but numbness
is not healing

it is prolonging
the inevitable

time

when the pain
must express

itself in so
many places

same pain in
so many places

she is grounded
what is left of
her little yellow
wings won’t lift her
I cry when I
see her run
across the sharp rocks
she jumps and each
time she lands
she cuts her toes
leaving droplets
of blood
that spread leaving
a trail of red
that she hopes no one
ever follows

and last night in
a wondrous dream

I attended the
wedding of one

paris hilton at a VFW

sitting around folding tables
in white folding chairs

we all laughed and danced

I woke up thinking
may we all live in peace

I am alone
in this world
without depth

everything is a smooth rock
skidding along the surface

one, two, three times
creating small circles
that disappear quickly

having no sustained effect on anyone

I am alone
in this world
without connection

everything is a sudden pulse
spreading into the universe

one, two, three billion pulses
pinging against each other
then going off to another

having no sustained effect on anyone

everything she
touches becomes

the standard
against which

life is compared

her thoughts
must be made

of stardust

she drips talent
and I want to

catch a few drops
to drink or

rub on my skin or
inject into my veins

however one

transfers talent
between souls

bees buZz
in your ears

the moan of
the moment

the ecstasy
of honey

drips

feel the pain
and poison

of all my
stings

when you
try to steal

my heart
and run away

can a rock
be smooth

and raw

I feel her
voice like

it belongs
in me

every edge
meant to

cut me

every line
meant to

heal me
her story

is short
but her

power is
eternal

she makes
me want

more
every time

I hear her

found myself in
a dream

lost myself in
a thought

I left it
alone

it has a pattern
it repeats behaviors

everything does

it is their weakness
it is our weakness

that’s why it can
attack us

it learns our
weakness

by replicating
itself rapidly

we can’t do
that physically

that’s why we
invented science

we can experiment
and share knowledge

in essence we can
replicate and share

our minds and
together as

humans attack
our common

enemy

I hope I am
an onion

or maybe a lemon
or a grapefruit

anything but a
tangerine

your secrets
are not buried

beneath rubble
they are right

there for anyone
to see

anyone with the
right eyes in

their mind

to see what is
right in front

of them

there are these people who see.  more than others.  they are blessed.  to know more.  they go.  deeper and wider.  in space and time.  to see.  and they feel.  every moment.   as if it is new.

there are these people who see.  more than others.  they are cursed.  to be alone.  not completely.  just partially.  so some part.  of themselves.  can never be shared.  

not that they won’t share it.  but it can’t be shared.  it can’t be expressed.  by them.  in a way.  that can be.  understood.  by others.

but they try.  they will spend. their lives trying.  to bridge the gap.  in whatever form.  they have.  to express themselves.

and if in a dream

I thought the
worst of you

would it be real

and when I woke
and you were there
next to me

and we smiled
at each other

wishing each other
a good morning

would it be real

can the end begin
in a dream

creating a nagging
sensation

that grows

pecking at the
back of your
brain like a

demonic
woodpecker

we never seem to learn
how fragile love can be

where something as silly
as a dream or a whisper

can spread a dis-ease

they were mine
in my time

a gimmick
perhaps

but not to me
in my time

I was too
young to

know what
that meant

they made
me laugh

they made
me sing

that was
enough for

me

I was a
believer

funny how you
disappear for so long

that I almost forget you
I almost forget

your possession of me
my obsession of you

and then something
strikes me

suddenly

and I remember you

everything about
you and me

and I am once
again overcome

with you inside of me

dreading the pain
loving the comfort of

familiarity

your words
have teeth

and each time
you speak

a piece of
me disappears

into you

I cannot
leave you

it would
feel like

leaving myself

I find her
like me

damaged
and alone

sitting
raw

and naked

in the
abandoned

dirt road

waiting for
something

that will never
come

to run
over her

wanting to
feel

her last
moment

that night we
started a religion

worshipping

the thoughts
we shared

we wrote
everything down

in our minds
putting nothing

to paper

we did not want
followers

each night
our lives

would become
more

synchronized
until we became

the one true

yesterday was another day.  or maybe the same day.  because it wasn’t really different. than today.  does time stop for some of us?

sharp pens make deep holes.  ink flows.  through some of us.  we see things.  and we need.  to turn vision.  into words.  to share.

or to exorcise.  our souls.  we are selfish.  all of us.  at some level.  survival demands it.

2. shed your skin.  show your sins.  show your naked soul.  to someone.  anyone.

I cried today.  watching a scene.  from an old movie.  I have seen it many times.  it always makes me cry.  I watch it anyway.

she tries to hold in everything.  the little girl in the movie.  she loves her damaged daddy. so much.  then he dies.  

and she doesn’t cry.  until she does.  then I cry.  always.

3. maybe it is for.  my damaged daddy.  I cry.  or maybe it is for myself.  having to hold it in.  

if a boy cries in the forest.  or in the street.  or in his room.  and no one hears it…

yesterday was another day. or maybe the same day.  for some of us.

god has a past

humans have memories
of more than themselves

they carry on legacies
bred into them

angels gather
arranging
themselves
into angles

creating sharp
points

to cut the
skin of humans
and corrupt
their smallest spaces

the humans bleed
and bleed
but no longer
sacrifice

we cry only
when we need

man is in an image

man is to god
as a star
is to man

dead lights
fireflies

she soaked
in a claw

foot tub
head under

water bubbles
floating on

the surface

her hands
played in

the air
each finger

a dancer
improvising

it was her
way of

relaxing

spoke a
language

like nature

each finger
a note

I blow the
lights out but

I do not make
a wish

I want to
envelope

myself
in darkness

I want to
feel the

emptiness
of hollow

the moment
before hope

when the string
is pulled

and the chute
doesn’t open

and I don’t
say a prayer

long before
me she

settled for you

so when I
arrived I

already didn’t
belong

to anyone

skinny
white bird
so sensitive
to sound
I do not
want to
scare you
I want to
be near
you so
I can
tell you
I am you
in my own
form
I cannot fly
to get away
but I can
dream
of living free
like you

shall I be dark
and spread
myself thin
so I cover
every inch
and almost
go unnoticed
a mist you
instinctually
detect as
something
amiss but
that you
cannot name
so you get
used to my
presence
and inhale me
in the morning
and let me
stay inside you

I am a bug
caught in

a spider web
of beauty

I know where
it exists

I know why
it exists

I know
my future

if I go there

I land there
anyway

I give in to
my capture

knowing
resistance

is futile

at first she
sang in a church

the sound she
created was

of a prayer

a wanting for
something more

but she was
a creator herself

and her voice
was leading a

revolution for
the longing

like me to
listen to her

and pray

obscure rhymes

playing
on the tongue

sometimes

they make
you think

and sometimes
they are

just fun

we ask why
not for

we do not
want more

you speak
words from

memory

everything
is in your

head but

all truth
is embodied

and never
complete

so you can
not answer us

in any way
we can believe

and they write
of monsters

taking our
pain and

making it
inhuman

creating the
misshapen
creatures

that terrorize us

separating us
from ourselves

telling us
we are not
real

because of
how we feel

but what is
more human

than pain…

perhaps
the memory
of our pain

we must live
with everyday

the misshapen
creatures who

share our bodies
and make us

whole

all cells are alive
the first night

goose bumps
and heart thumps

bones ache
the earth quakes

time suspends itself
on a loop

all sounds blend
when bodies bend

the dictionary

is filled with
empty pages

there is no desire
to explain anything

some temptation
tugs at my soul
something I desire
reaches all my senses
I move toward it
without hesitation
want and need are one
risk and reward
will not be calculated
I am abandon
I am captured
the sultry spider whispers
sweet nothings
into my ear
I feel an urge
to escape
I feel an urge
to give in
every part of me
is twisted
and ready to explode

I dreamt
I was soft

and could be changed
squeezed into molds

to be formed into
something else

something valued
something desired
something created

by the soft hands
of someone with

an imagination

I am confused

my words are
a mumble

a mass or a mess

hysteria or
histrionics

today

the good soldiers
of my mind are AWOL

nothing is lining up
my mind is a rave

I am looking for
some thing, any thing

but the meaning that
creates a thing

lives in the shadows

the meaning that
creates a thing

lives in the
space between

and today

I can’t even
define light
and dark

nothing is that clear

today

I am without
that mysterious force

that creates things
and holds things together

that bends the will
for good or for ill

I am confused

today

ferocity flows
through her

touch her
feel your

sparks ignite
tiny explosions

that tickle
your deepest parts

like your soul
is being

massaged

you can finally
relax and forget

and let yourself
go anywhere

I just started
playing with

w o r d s

they were like
blocks and

my mind was
clumsy

everything I
wrote was a
sloppy mess

then paging
through a book

I stumbled on
a poem named

f e r n s

it became my
model

teaching me
how to paint

with    w o r d s

it is so bad
I don’t even want

to take sides anymore
I don’t want to

believe in any
of them and

I never really have

I want to believe
in our system

that it will be
bigger than any

one human

every human is
biased and
potentially corrupt

(the truth about us
humans cannot be
avoided)

but maybe together
we can create

something that
checks our

most base instincts
(to self-preservation)

and maybe
it can last

and that is the

basis of our
system

to help us check
each other and

ourselves

but check is
an action

and if it does
not occur

(if people don’t
perform their roles)

then why does
it matter

what was
all of this

for

has the grand
experiment

failed in the end

if I let go
I will sink
I am too heavy to float
my head is dense
like a forever forest
that never faces fall
everything that enters
mixes with everything
already there
I cannot sleep
my dreams are too intense
layers upon layers
secret passages
dead ends
I can barely find my way out
and eventually
I may not want to
what happens then
who will ever find me
in my forever forest

I vaguely remember
this little girl

when I was a little boy
I think she was my

first friend

I don’t remember
what she looked like

I don’t remember
what I looked like

I remember her name
I remember the sadness
we felt

when she moved away

I remember the whispers
in the next room

when her dad died

in a garage
the gas running

funny the things we
remember and the
things we don’t

funny or sad

shed like
a cat but

make it tears

leave them
everywhere

so everyone
gets them

all over
themselves

so they find
them in

the strangest
places

and wonder
where they

came from

I feel like I’m being
propelled through
space and time
like a young Einstein
lost and confused
trying on various theories
to see if they fit,
to explain the pain
and wanderings
of my lonely mind
who equals when
what about why
and then
I begin again
to speak
the lost words
that no one understands.
I broke my hands
writing down formulas
for what matters
to explain the feelings
of an atom, lost and
out of place
in time and space

you will regret it

I do not look
like much

cheap haircut
and sneakers

thick glasses

skinny legs
kind of awkward

almost clumsy

but I am hungry
I will outwork

anyone that plays
against me

I don’t tire and
I don’t care if
I bleed

or you bleed

and honestly
I’m faster than I look

believe me

my team will be the best
because I was picked last