I dreamt
I was soft

and could be changed
squeezed into molds

to be formed into
something else

something valued
something desired
something created

by the soft hands
of someone with

an imagination

I feel like I’m being
propelled through
space and time
like a young Einstein
lost and confused
trying on various theories
to see if they fit,
to explain the pain
and wanderings
of my lonely mind
who equals when
what about why
and then
I begin again
to speak
the lost words
that no one understands.
I broke my hands
writing down formulas
for what matters
to explain the feelings
of an atom, lost and
out of place
in time and space

we have stopped
our motion

only doing those
few little things

the absolutely
necessaries

leaving all the
things we used

to do undone

and when we no
longer isolate

how many things
will linger

how many problems
will not get solved

in time

how many things
that would have been

small will now
grow larger

the gentle man
has disappeared

there are no posters
looking for him

the neighborhood
is not holding

hands as they
comb through

the dark forest
there are no

flowers or signs
in his memory

he is not
remembered

or missed
by anyone

but he will be
when silence

and sanity return

shed like
a cat but

make it tears

leave them
everywhere

so everyone
gets them

all over
themselves

so they find
them in

the strangest
places

and wonder
where they

came from

I just started
playing with

w o r d s

they were like
blocks and

my mind was
clumsy

everything I
wrote was a
sloppy mess

then paging
through a book

I stumbled on
a poem named

f e r n s

it became my
model

teaching me
how to paint

with    w o r d s

ferocity flows
through her

touch her
feel your

sparks ignite
tiny explosions

that tickle
your deepest parts

like your soul
is being

massaged

you can finally
relax and forget

and let yourself
go anywhere

we laugh when
the dark clouds

form

we do not melt
in the rain

sometimes
we dance

naked like
the stars

water is magic
H 2 O

defines it but it
does not explain it

water seeds life
and heals bodies

it wasn’t what
they said

to her that
made her

pray

she was
a true

believer
and I

was jealous
of that

certainty
she didn’t

know how
rare she was

she believed
the best in

others and
of life

but I lived in

a different
world

power is
poison

it should
always be

diluted
weakened

until it
can do

no harm
the people

who seek it
in its purest

form

are those
who seek

to do the
most harm

to the people
and the planet

lost without
my shadows

I can’t see
in the light

I need at
least a bit

of gray

things can’t
be clear

for very long

I will scrape
away the

shiny veneer
and look for

the oozing pus
I will discover

the secrets of
the beginning

so I can start
all over again

she dumps me
over the side

I fall deep
enough

to where I
am without

breath

to where the
ocean asks

me questions
wanting to

know where
I come from

I tell her
my story

she cries her
first tears

and gives me
all the oxygen

she has

so I can live
long enough

to love again

it is the
only way

to start
the day

begin with
the mind of

a beginner

knowledge
has a shelf

life and

it is getting
smaller so

we need to
ask more

often

question
those who

speak

especially if
they claim to

speak for us

she cut bangs

a straight line
a frame for
pain

sharp nose
subtle skin

eyes that
never lie

lips that
never open

without reason

a body with
long branches

and deep roots
a mind tattooed

with history
everything in

memory

I want her
to remember me

each day that
passed

each time we
laughed

I held my
real words

inside my
mouth

I felt like
a squirrel

I always passed
as a friend

when I really
wanted to be

a lover

I guess that
made me

a liar

I was the sun god
the radiance
the dance of dust
they said don’t look
directly at me
I will burn your eyes
they said don’t name me
I will burn your soul
you were the brave one
never one to believe
the words of the ancients
you entered my realm naked
green eyes wide open
ready for whatever came
you looked right at me
called me love
and now you stand
next to me
and they tell the next
generation to never
look directly at them

life is honest
it has no layers

nothing to peel through
nothing to analyze

it just is

we create all our
confusion and chaos

and give it to each other
creating layers of

languages

a virus
a dis-ease

we need all this mess
to be human

and so

once again I ask
you who is more

human than me

I think
before I sleep

trying to
influence

my dreams
to give me

answers in
those mystical

night creatures

those lynchian
stories

that have no
beginnings or

endings

that make me
sweat and

wake up
drenched

feeling like
I learned

something
important

but not
knowing

what it was

it is just before it is my turn to speak.  my mind is the inside of an atom.  the inside of a hive.  the inside of drunk stomach. everything I want to say coming up at once.

before me.  she is speaking about the body.  the feminine.  so many ways to the body. the feminine.  touch…***…birth…rebirth…and after me.

she will use her body to speak.  hair as long and alive as the rays of the sun.  fingers catching butterflies.  her voice inflected.  deep thoughts.  fluidity.

everyone has a way.  to express.  but it is not easy.  not like she and she makes it seem.
freedom is hard.  one foot doesn’t always follow another.  most times it doesn’t.  
we struggle to say.  what we feel.  the fear. of not connecting.

something blocks communication
even if the words escape
and even if I enunciate perfectly, clarity lives somewhere in the miles of air between us.

freedom is hard.  one word is never perfect.

she takes a
photograph

of speed

my brain
is a neutron

bomb

the earth is
a dangerous

place

humans have
existed for

a breath

I am is the
first name

of god

before you slept

I heard you
pray for peace

it was

a lifetime of
little pains

that led to this

the night god
whispered

your name

he has never met me
but I live in his world

this man of small deep spaces

he notices the gaps
that never end

what could be
what wants to be
what needs to be

and he works
always working
toward something

he makes me feel okay
to be unfinished

to age
to become old
and still be
unfinished

to live
to be
to become

part of life’s
grand experiment
that never ends

to work on my own gaps
and be happy

I write in pieces
and parts

they are never
meant to be

finished

complete but
not finished

they are meant
to be

components of
a larger story

which become
components of

a larger story

until…eventually

you get it

there is no end
to this story

we just tear it

apart and start
all over

if you remember
scratched records

when they would skip

you might understand
my mind

falling into a groove
repeating sounds

and words
and feelings

only it’s not as
easy to notice

and there is no one
to move the needle

only her body
was small

everything else
impacted the

planet

compassion
is the best

type of
passion

I think her
voice is

an echo

living in
many

generations
she will pass

through time
and be felt

just short
of forever

her face was
scientific

supersymmetry

god had a smoke
after he made

her

eyes made of
soul

blue-green
ocean-deep

hypnotic

skin radiant
a polished stone

delicate &
vulnerable

no one would
touch her

afraid of
changing

her

and on those
nights

the waters grow
still and

there is no flow
all thoughts

become one
and they

don’t spread
they burrow

toward the
bottom

where the
dark creatures

swim

I could drown
it would be

so easy

entering the seed
to sleep

I want to be
nurtured

like when
I was small

I want the
chance to

grow again

shed most
everything

until I am
a sliver

of myself
like the moon

shaving the skin
of a lemon

creating zest
adding just a

hint of flavor
to my dull life

it is that easy
to please me

red lights
frame her

s-shaped
body

she leans
against

the wall

eyes closed
she inhales

deeply as
the ashes

grow beyond
reason

smoke
is a snake

dance

she smiles
feeling relieved

untamed and
wild

each strand
a story

of the night
before

lost in a
secret garden

a cut rose
in your hair

a fragrance
that lingers

for years

everything was near
or distant

everything was clear
or nonexistent

we shook hands
we hugged
we kissed

we waited for
our mail

electrons were
young and

misunderstood

I remember the
first day we

played pong
everything changed

that day

speak my words

out loud
touch your lips

how do they
feel when they

leave you
are you gasping

for breath

is your mind
spinning

searching for space
speak my words

out loud

are you telling
your secrets

an egg
on the edge

cannot float
it falls

we fall
the abyss

is not as far
as we think

we think
we are high

but we are
rolling down

the hill
toward the

edge we
cannot float

like an egg

couldn’t sit still

made many nests
out of the discarded

was startled
by the sudden

and scared of
being held

created sounds
so pure

they made me cry

I could watch her
listen to her
name her

that’s all she
let me do

I am haunted
by shadows

the lost dreams
a little boy

held inside
no one heard

his soft voice
so he buried

them in his
deepest parts

where they lost
their connections

rotted and
turned dark

I have this mind

it is too heavy
to float

I sink in thought
and drown in

theories or dreams

weaving equations
or explanations

depending if I
fancy numbers

or words

sometimes my mind
is so heavy

I can’t get out
of bed for days

she is so young

that she believes
the stars when

they shine

she has not
seen many

dark nights so
each one

seems new
each one is

a lesson
she learns

because that
is what the

young do

she was patient

the ocean on
a calm day

she waited
every day to

photograph
the rain

wanting to capture
and display

each drop

to show the
beauty of

waiting for love

you assume me
into existence

in your mind
I am

complete
not a human

a judgment
in your mind

I lose all my
nuance

my right to
be wrong

admit it
and grow

in your mind
I am a statue

an abstraction
a theory

this time
I’m happy

I don’t actually
live in your mind

I caught you
waiting

the room
was mystical

diseased spirits
haunting

it was never
quiet

or still

everyone moved
but got nowhere

the girl
with no bones

collapsed on
the floor

no one helped
her

so she slept

the people in
masks

danced in the
corners

making sure

not to touch
each other

the babies in
the bellies

tried to remain
in place
they checked on us
but never checked

us in so

we all waited
past dawn and

while time passed

the dates on
our bracelets

never changed

taste in the
deepest place

at the source
the impulse

that spreads
into every cell

there is no
resistance

there is no
desire to resist

more than in you
I am part of you

deeper than
blood and breath

I am inside

the program that
controls blood

and breath

there is no you
there is no me

there is only us

we cross boundaries
and love our neighbors

as ourselves

intermingling ideas
like spider webs

stronger because
we are connected

he could never
understand this

his book was
written as a child

his brain and heart
were frozen

and never grew
larger than himself

even the grinch
learned how to grow

has one voice
loud it

insists upon
itself

it does not
have ears

it will give

it will not
receive

feedback

it is not
thoughtful

it has already
reached

its conclusions

new words only
make it angry

it is an
untamed

animal
bent on

destroying
anything that

is not itself

love is young
and fast

sugar ray’s
punch in

the gut
knocks wind

out

you can’t
breathe

you can’t
think

you don’t
want to fall

but your
legs give

out

and before
you know it

you are
counted out

and she is
declared the

victor

I want you
to swallow me

whole

let me live but
make me disappear

feed off me slowly
so I don’t notice

give me a book
with many words

so I can play

let me hear your
body growl

when you are
hungry for me

so I can sing

let me dissolve
slowly

and absorb me
so I never die

old stories
are always
morphing

and history
comes to life

in her mystical
too wide eyes

crystal *****

the strange beauty
has no color and
cannot be named

although someone tried

to capture her
in a name to

make her final

but she is too
many people

too incomplete to be
called anything

he ate hate
it could not
be digested
it was a seed
of a ****
that sprouted
and grew
and spread
into his soul
so he could
not be separated
from it
it had no
specific need
other than to
spread itself
so he spewed
its seed to others
and they ate hate
it could not
be digested

dark brain
clouds form

portending
a storm of
confusion

the words
they speak

are too high
to be understood

combined
they form
nothing

of meaning

each side
drawing
conclusions
first

and then
looking for

words to
justify
themselves

telling their
followers

what to believe

never explaining
why

she lights
fires in

simple men

we don’t ask
for much

just a touch
of sin

we can be
your afterthought

just make us
feel real

the moment

you light
the spark