you asked me
to be the sun you

always wanted

but I was
more like you

the moon

only shining
in darkness

making waves
going through

cycles where
my light shrinks

until it almost
disappears

sorry I could
never be the one

who warms you
like you wanted

me to be

she dumps me
over the side

I fall deep
enough

to where I
am without

breath

to where the
ocean asks

me questions
wanting to

know where
I come from

I tell her
my story

she cries her
first tears

and gives me
all the oxygen

she has

so I can live
long enough

to love again

I enter the collective
without a soul
it was missing
since early childhood
when neglect
blew out the
first light
and it was
never replaced
the collective
promises to
replace it with
something living
beyond the voices
in my head with
something living
beyond the stars
in the sky
it only asks that
I give up questions
I give up thought
I give up doubt
and I tried but
in the end it
was too much
to ask for
sometimes I
wonder if I
made the right
choice

he promised me
I could be the
smallest word
that I could hide
in his book of
mysteries and
everyone would
see me but
no one would
ever find me
and he tried to
keep his promise
but he never
saw you coming
the clever girl
who could read
between the lines
and understand
the smallest word

yes it was
when I first
saw you that I
realized that
words have limits
that all that
I mastered
would never be
enough to say
what I feel
that there is
a place in me
that cannot be
reached and
because of you
I have to admit
it exists
no matter
how much it
pains me

to be clever
to make god laugh

and tell me I
never thought

of that

but making
you laugh

is enough
for now

I am haunted
by shadows

the lost dreams
a little boy

held inside
no one heard

his soft voice
so he buried

them in his
deepest parts

where they lost
their connections

rotted and
turned dark