They told her who she could be
Never asked who she wanted to be

They told her how to look, how to smile
Inside she was cracking all the while

She did what she was told, never spoke back
Of herself and identity she slowly lost track

She didn’t know who she wanted to be
She didn’t know who she could be

Because they pushed and pushed too hard
And now all that’s left is a girl scarred

A girl who can’t decide
A girl who always did abide

By what she was told to do
They never realized or knew

That the girl they forced to be perfect
Is torn up, shredded, and wrecked

All day long
People walk
With their heads down
Because in their phones
Is where their faces belong
All day long
No one talks
No one glances up
No one smiles
Where did we go wrong?

I’m ok, I swear it.
(I’m lying.)
Don’t look at me like that.
(I know you’re seeing through this.)
Yes, that’s my real smile and no (*******) I don’t want to talk about it.
(Because you don’t want to hear it.)
There’s nothing to talk about!! I’m doing just fine.
(I’m really not.)
I don’t look sad this is my normal face.
(I just spent 20 minutes crying in the shower.)
Can you just leave me alone?
(Please don’t. I don’t want to be alone.)
No, you don’t need to stay, thank you though.
(Insist on it, please mean it.)
Okay, see you tomorrow!
(Maybe not.)

Lay your head down and go to sleep
Beautiful dreams I hope you keep
Dreams of dragons and fairies
And flying yellow canaries
Close your eyes and just rest
For today you’ve tried your best
You’ve given the day your all
Now slowly let your head fall
And dream of beautiful things
Of princes and diamond rings
Relax and let your bad thoughts float away
In the hopes that the good ones will stay
Dream of flurrying white snow
And fireflies that always glow
Dream of a sunny beach
And stars that you can reach
Dream of flying kites
And dream all through your nights
Lay your head down and go to sleep
Beautiful dreams I hope you keep

Can you see the way she holds herself in
The way she won’t let anyone in
Can you see through that fake smile
And her face cracking like tile
Can you not see she needs a hand
To get up and stand
Can you see her eyes losing light
Like a lantern on a dark night
And can you not see
That maybe she needs more
Than just to be

She cared too much
About how they thought of her
And how she looked
She cared too much
About finding “the right one”
She cared too much
About having the right friends
And the right pair of shoes
She looked in the mirror
And realized she hated herself
Hated what she had become
She said, “***** it,”
And the girl that cared too much
No longer cared at all

It's said that coffee
Is a bitter drink
Today I swear
It's the sweetest

Eyes wander
Through a crowd
As I search for someone who
Is not as loud
As I search for someone who
I am allowed
To touch, to feel, and
Unashamedly gaze

The best source of warmth
Comes from feet intertwined
And pairs of legs crossed
It comes from two hearts
Beating as one
It comes from the closeness
And the breath of another
The best source of warmth
Comes from arms holding
And eyes gazing
It comes from a body
That is not your own
But belongs to the person
Who now holds you
Close to their heart

Who wins in a fight
Death or War
Who would make it into the light
Who would fall to the floor

Would Death with his scythe
Carve War into pieces
Would he scream and writhe
As the fighting ceases

Would War with his ire
Crush Death in his hands
And dance around his pyre
As victorious War stands

Would Death live without War
Would War live without Death
Or would they simply be
No more

Facing your fears
That cause all your tears
Will only end it all
If those fears have a name to call
Think on it for a few:
Do the things that scare you
Have a name?
I think that
Demons need names too

It's an exorcism
It's a release
I release my demons
Screaming into the night
And in the darkness
They're finally out of sight

Who told you
To handle me
Like a carpenter handles a saw?
I am made of glass
and I swear
If you love me
I will break.
I will shatter
into a million tiny pieces
and never be the same.
Repaired things are only weaker
never stronger
and I, my friend,
have been loved
too many times.

“You have to move, get up.”
“I don’t want to.”
“This is sad you need to get over yourself.”
“I’m broken, and I don’t think I can be fixed.”
“Then fake it. Get up and put on a smile.”
“It hurts too much; I just want to cry.”
“No crying! It’s not worth it.”
“But I just can’t let go…”
“You have to move on. It’s the only way.”
“Please, all I want is five minutes to let it all out.”
“You’re pathetic. Fine. Five minutes.”
“Thank you,” said the heart.
“You’re welcome,” said the mind.
And the heart and mind cried together.
Just for five minutes.

Keep your thoughts inside
Pretend you have nothing to hide
You have to appear strong
Show them they’re all wrong
That you’re worth something
That you’re not made of nothing
Shove it all away
Even if the feelings stay
They can’t see who you really are
Broken down and not up to par
You can’t appear weak
Your life cannot look bleak
You will be happy
Your world is not ******
It’s all good put on a smile
Just pretending all the while
You need to make it through the day
They won’t see you any other way
So you fake it all day long
Hoping no one figures out what you’ve been doing all along
You’re slowly sinking and not rising
And each day devising
How to hide
In an effort to keep it all inside

I am of my mother
Tired hands shake
When the days are long
Letting others take
If I'm not strong
Unable to truly hate
Shoulders that carry
Insurmountable weight

I am of my father
Stubborn, obstinate
A ridiculous bother
Against any threat
A mind that curdles
When it is bored
And a heart that hides
When it is adored

I cannot leave
And run far away
From the me I perceive
The price I must pay
To be human is steep
More than my sum
Yet it's all I’ve become
In this body I keep

I don't know you
the sad look in your eyes
a smile held together by glue

I don't know you
you're not someone I recognize
and you look so blue

I don't know you
a face shrouded in disguise
a face bound to fall through

I don't know her
Yet she's becoming clearer
I realize I'm the girl in the mirror

If foundations were people
If the houses on top
Were those they love
If the builders and contractors
Were a person’s maker

What does it mean
When the foundation
Is set up to fail
With ****** concrete
And cracks forming too soon

When the house realizes
Instability upon which it sits
It will empty and
The foundation is left alone
Needlessly weighed down

When it topples
A few decades later
Lasting shorter than it should
Do we blame the builders
Do we blame the foundation

It is you that holds the key
To the never ending sea
It is you that holds the lock
To the spinning clock
It is you that holds the key
To let the birds fly free
It is you that holds the lock
To the stubborn rock
It is you that holds the key
To my every plea
It is you that holds the lock
To ignore every knock
It is you that holds the key
To the lock
Hidden deep inside of me

Waking up to nothing
But there was once something
You can feel it
It was there and now it's not
What was it you wonder
As the dark pulls you under
What did I miss
And what did I lose
That made my heart bruise
You wander in and out
Of yourself and other things
And you don’t know
Where exactly to go
You had a purpose
you know that for sure
But why suddenly
Is it there no more
Someone grabbed you
And pulled you apart
And now you’re left
With a broken heart

Sitting, staring at a screen,
What the hell does it all mean?
Can I sort through this mess?
And oh, let me express
How I truly feel
No more, no more, it’s a deal
Gone to another land
End of the day at hand
And as much as I like to dream,
I want to let out a SCREAM
I feel so done and
I believe the demons have won

You tell everyone you’re ok
But you hide in the dark
Buried beneath insecurity and doubt
Fearing the next day’s spark

You have a smile
But its never really real
Because you stopped feeling
And it stopped hurting after a while

You can feel your heart beating
But after so long
It doesn’t seem to be doing its job
After every beat failing and restarting

You can't believe this is living
But this is all it will ever be
Shaking and cracking with every breath
You simply want to stop being

Listen all, and hear me well
Listen to the ringing of the alarm bell
It’s time to go, time to flee
Time to get out of what we can see
We can dive deeper I know it
Deeper, we go, pushing the limit
Listen all; it’s time to go now
Leave with a flourish and a bow
Go somewhere new, leave it all behind us
It’s been a good life, but it needs to let go of us
Listen all, it’s been fun
But now its time to pick up and run
We haven’t seen everything, not yet
And we should leave before the sun has set
C’mon, c’mon take my hand
And together we shall travel the land
See what can be seen and hear what can be heard,
We shall do it all undeterred
Listen all, and listen well
And hear the ringing of the alarm bell
Its telling us to flee
And we must go, and be free

It’s been a long day my friend,
The hours blend together,
And it never seems to end.
It’s been a long week my brother,
Every piece has fallen,
Just dropping, one after the other.
It’s been a long month my sister,
Thoughts caught in a blender,
Carried away by a twister.
It’s been a long year my lover,
Rain dripping, drizzling, dropping,
And without you, no cover.

I’m not making sense anymore
Overdramatic and overdone
But no I never won’t run
Dropping parts of me
All over the floor and ground
Yet falling tears don’t make a sound
Careless and out of place
The look of my own face
Staring into my eyes
Suddenly I despise
More than just me
I hate the thing that shows me

I’ll mess with your head
You’ll listen to every word said
Terrified and lonely you’ll become
And I’m just someone
Who made you scared
Made you think no one cared
I’ll make you feel all alone
You should’ve known
To not let monsters in your head
To not let them live under your bed

People hold hands
And occasionally they move away
Maybe it means more to you
Than you’ll ever say.

People gaze into eyes
And then they’ll glace away
Maybe it means more to you
Than you’d ever dare to say.

Some people smile then stop
Their eyes glisten with tears
Maybe it breaks you apart
More than once throughout the years.

People say they’ll be there
But eventually they’ll move away
So maybe it breaks you down
More than you’ll ever say.

No one wants me
No one cares about you
No one wants to be
Like me and you

No one wants to hug me
No one wants to hold you
No one wants to see
The mess of me and you

No one loves me
No one ever loved you
No one hears our plea
To be loved too

I’m not okay
Maybe this time
It's okay to say
I’m not doing well
But none of you
Could ever tell
I’m dying inside
It would be better
If I just cried
Losing control
My tears blurring
Taking their toll
I’m not alone
But my eyes are
Hardened like stone
I’m not angry
Only sorry
That I am me

Count your dreams
One by one
As they turn into streams
One by one
Catch them if you can
One by one
If only you ran
Count your thoughts
One by one
Calling the shots
One by one
Show them you should
One by one
If only you could
Count your emotions
One by one
Go through the motions
One by one
If only they stayed
One by one
If only they didn’t fade
Count your words
One by one
And cut all the cords
One by one
That tie you down
One by one
As we
All
Fall
Down

I could write of lovers
With hands intertwined
I could write of foes
With guns primed
Of people running the streets
No idea of why or what for
Of people next to empty seats
Sitting and hoping for more
They only have so many years
They only have so many days
Suddenly all the tears
And the empty “always”
Doesn’t matter anymore
For your time is long gone
And life eventually
Will not go on

A heart that’s part of a whole
A heart that’s been a half its whole life
Searching for its perfect match in vain
While the owner drowns in pain

A heart wandering on its own
Wondering why it has been left all alone
Swimming in the sea of halves of hearts
In the sea of broken parts

A heart that is only half of a whole
Needs a partner to complete its soul
It cries into the early light
Because it’s only a part of a whole
A heart wandering aimlessly
Into the dark of the night

Pretend it all away
Believe only the good things will stay
Try not to think about it at all
Instead lock it behind a wall
Use a chain and a lock
And of it never talk

Pretend it all away
Then the days won’t be so grey
Everything is okay, everything is good
Everything is as it should
Don’t let it in
And keep it hidden within

Pretend it all away
And create a new way
To go about life’s travels
As the story slowly unravels
What has been seen
Is all caught in the in-between

Live to the last day
And pretend it all away

Someday, maybe
I will travel across the sea
I will see the world
With sails unfurled
I will see all the people
Where it was once peaceful
I will see the mountains
Through the sharpest lens
I will visit everyplace
Meet every face
I will learn more about myself
Than I could ever find on a shelf
I will try all new things
I will see what life brings
I will dance in the rain
Without any more pain
I will travel the sky
Feeling as if I could fly
I will swim the deepest lake
Not much will it take for me to wake
I will see life as it runs free
Someday, maybe

The author reached into her book
And over her characters she took
She attached strings to the humans
Led them to their happiness or ruin
Controlled who they became
And made not one the same

She painted trees with her eyes
And created mountains and skies
She let the scenes drip from her fingers
Onto the pages as her influence lingers
She slowly created worlds and wars
Fabricated houses and hidden doors

She plunged into her story without a thought
And the rest of reality she forgot
She painted with her mind body and soul
A masterpiece of her own control

From her tale and made up lands
She slowly removed her hands
and the author came back to the world
To recreate her story already once told

I think I can make it
The end is almost here
Im already there I can feel it
The finish line becoming clearer
My life isn’t finished
And neither am I
Dreams extinguished
I must say goodbye
I think I can escape
This endless cycle of death
That keeps rewinding like a tape
As I keep
Taking
My
Last
B    r      e       a        t           h

Don’t give up just yet
The sun hasn’t yet set
Soon the day will come to a close
And I want to make sure everyone knows
That you did it, you finally reached the top
And nothing made you stop
If life threw you rain
You stood and let it wash away the pain
When life became a weight
You were never late
When life gave you darkening skies
You never one said lies
If life gave you sun
You were ready to run
When life was full of hate
You let it slowly abate
When life gave you lightning
You never once admitted that it was frightening
So don’t give up now
Wipe the sweat off your brow
The end is near and in sight
Can you see the light?