Im so sad that the tears dont come

I hate how nothing makes sense
I put words together
My mind fears the past tense
My heart is so livid
I can't deal with this ****
I travel through time

The only thing worse than silence
Is being utterly alone

It is hard to say this
But sometimes I am the happiest when I feel sad
For many people, such a contradiction would not make sense
For me, they can be one of the same
Because true happiness for me is always surrounded by anxiety
This anxiety hits me because I worry that my true happiness will go away

Sometimes I wish everything could go away
And I could disappear into oblivion
But then reality sets in
While I lie in my bed
Wondering
What is it like to live?

If we had wings would we fly away?
Would we leave the bed where we once lay
Into the light, if it has not yet faded away
I am tired of this darkness
It keeps me inside
It holds me, hostage
As if I was not alive
Calm it may be
It won’t let me dream
Only showing me nightmares and horrors that I wish I would not see

Sleepless nights
Forever days
I stop to wonder
In my dismay
Will she come
And will she stay
So I can keep this pain away

There's no one on the other line
Just an empty voice
Lost in space and time

Take me where your eyes desire
Your heart stopped beating long ago

I spend so much time in my head
Sometimes I forget what is real

I don't want to hurt anyone
Maybe that just means I will end up hurting everyone

Everything is collapsing
And these words only keep me somewhat stable

She did not know the world
I think it took her by surprise
Lost in her imagination
Her bed would let out a sigh
I wonder what she is dreaming now
Maybe of sunny days
Or rainy nights

Runaway thoughts
Too far gone from the mind
All this madness and chaos
Is enough to turn the whole world blind

The eerie grey clouds
Dominate the vast blue sea
This dullness has hindered my ability to see
But when I hear your words as you stand next to me
It makes this world not as bleak as I think it may be

This girl said she was falling in love with me
I think she was just falling for my words

The wrinkles will come soon
So best not to let your mind rot
For at the end of the day
That's all that you've got

I just want to go where my mind is gone
Tell a few stories
Write a few songs
Get lost in a daydream
And wait till the trauma is gone

Where did the colour go
The words on this paper just show black and white

All I see is outlines on this path that I walk
Without you
The colour has faded
It feels endless
Until it is no longer
The beauty of life
Is that nothing can stay
One day I will be breathing
And the next my body will decay

When I see you
Standing there
What can I do
But fall in love
Once again
How pleasant it is
To be falling for you

Sacred lands
Long fields of green
The lure of this garden
Could only appear in a dream

And when your brain starts to falter
Just sit by your altar
I like to alternate between something missing and
My heart seeps through
No blood is enough to do
What should I do
Im so confused
I hear words that were never used
I see thoughts that I wish I could not view
What is life
If life is always blue

Use me
Abuse me
And throw me away
For one night we were lovers
The next day we were straight
Questions you asked me
At first I said no
But just like depression
coercion is slow
You told me things that I wanted to hear
How we could be more
It's sad that you couldn't care less
You took me for granted
Now you pretend
That nothing happened that wild night
And that I'm just upset