I knew this is a weak appeal
To say I have prior claim
On you...
Just because now she's there
But what can I do?
This is how I feel
As if my world were shattered
When she appeared all of a sudden
I know my place
I know where I stand
Still...
Can't I feel pain?
For my me and you moments
Are now invaded
And became you and her with me looking on
This is my prior claim
That we met first
That we became closer first
That i stayed where I am
Even after you met her
That I am still by your side
That you continue to see me
That you share your moments with me
That you still claim
I am your dearest friend
How foolish of me
To feel this way
To claim your sweetness
As my very own world
To insist I still have you
Like I used to
Like nothing has changed
I am a fool
I am insane
I am hopeless
Just because...
Of my prior claim.

Here I am
Alone with your lingering scent
The only indication
That you were here
It was real
And not an imagination

Bathe in your fading scent
I try to reminisce
Those moments you were here
Your smiles that made me smile
Your gentle and subtle touch
On my hands..elbows..back
Those were moments ebbed in my memory
Something to look back on
And wishing there would be a repeat
But no...you are finally walking away
Turning your back on me
Without goodbye
Without notice
Without a final glance

It was as sudden as a thief
Running away with my emotions
I thought was intact all along
But you were able to steal a part of me
I was guarding for a long time
You who has no license to do it
You who never should have smiled on me
I am now at this moment
Alone
With your lingering scent
Hoping it would stay
A little bit longer with me.

I close my eyes
Fighting tears from falling
I heave a sigh
Praying for strength
Let this phase pass
Take away this weight
Inside my chest
For once let me be
Go away
I've been down on this road before
This is painfully familiar
And I don't want to be here again
Still...I ache with sadness
How do I stop this
With you I am vulnerable
You make me weak
Me who have been doing fine
But now there is misery
You never realize
It is you...
Why tears are breaking me apart.

I saw him first
I talked to him first
He was like heaven sent
To my lonely heart.

Nights seemed endless
Whenever we exchanged messages
My eyes never felt sleepy
Each time my phone beeps.

His presence is a breath of fresh air
He lights up everywhere
Whenever ... However...
I feel like ******* the air he breathes.

How does he do it?
Nonchallant and yet strong
His smiles... His gaze...
As if looking thru my soul.

And now you say...
He looks the same way
To you as he did me
Like you are the only one.

I wondered...

Does he make you sleep late at night, too?
While sending cute little messages?
Feeling that excitement
While heart pounds?

I saw him first
I met him first
We exchanged smiles first
He looked at me as if I was the one.

But I guess first does not mean anything
As long as he can look again
Towards someone
Who is gullible enough
To think she saw him first
To think he looked at her first
And made her feel
She is extraordinary
And that she is one and only.

If this is what first means
Then it's only an illusion
I don't want to be a part of.

Here goes the epic plot of most dramas
The unending dislike towards a man
They think not suitable for their precious daughter
As if they hold his fate
Or that they are a royal like Your Highness
The hypocricy is endless
Belittling a man's ability
Like they knew exactly how he would fail in the future
But the only thing they did was crush his pride
That surely would be his strength to go on
And succeed in life
If only to make them see
How wrong they were to assess him as a man
To step on his worth as a human
Just because he loved their daughter
Now I saw myself back then
When you were being denied
To pursue our dreams of getting together
I suffered as you suffered
And the only thing left for us to do
Was to let go.
**** this drama plot of a romance
Which depicts reality in a cruel way
Letting love witness  broken wings
Making young hearts ****** in pain
I want to hurl something at my tv
It is a mockery of my past
A deep etched pain that has yet to be healed
And i wonder..
Will it ever be.

My very own life's drama.

When you left my world became dark
Tears rolled down on my face
As I wept staring at your back
I could not see properly
You who kept on walking without a backward glance
I tried to see thru my tears
But you were a blur from a distance
I tried to stop weeping
I wanted to memorize my last glimpse of you
But tears kept on flowing
Like a river there was no stopping
I tried to utter your name
A whisper that caught in my throat
Only me who could hear
The wind blew your name
Fading in the silence

I felt all alone...
In misery...
Hurting...
When you left.

There you are standing by the window
Hands inside your pockets
You are staring outside
Contemplating...

I called your name
But you seem so preoccupied
You keep staring outside
As if mesmerize by the falling autumn leaves

I called you again
This time more louder
Hoping you will hear
Hoping it will penetrate thru your thoughts
Again...you never hear my voice

I stare at your back
Yes it is you standing there
Within my reach
But why can't you hear me?

Soft winds blow ruffling the curtains
A bit of a cold air touched my arms
Hugging myself I look at the mirror across me
I look someone who just woke up from sleep
Hair tussled
Eyes still half close.

I turn back towards the window
Now it's empty
You are gone
In a moment you escape me.

Were you just an illusion?
A figment of my immagination?
A wishful thinking...
My heart's longing.

I realize it's hallucination
That keeps on popping every now and then
Not even a dream where I can stay asleep and prolong the moment
No, it is hallucination
Sadly, so fleeting...
Leaving emptiness within as I sigh
Uttering your name in a whisper.

Gripping tight
Hoping it won't let go
Painful and rough
Blisters starts to form
Heart racing
Squeezing hard
Scared to break the string
Yet pulling harder
Praying for a miracle
At this very moment
Clutching the invisible string
The only hope for pleas.

I look at your picture
Seeing the young man you once had been
In my mind I am grasping those moments
But sadly they were vague.
These pictures were precious
They were you and me once
In a time where you and I mattered
A place that is now nowhere to be found

I am a little bit sad
Were these moments once a reality?
Or a figment of my immagination
How can I forget?
How can time erase?
How can my mind not remember?
There you are
Captured in time
There was me captured in the same place
With you
Smiling
Happy

I look at your picture
Once again you escape my mind
The feelings were fleeting
So vague
So far out of reach
I sigh
I felt sad
For you became
A forgotten memory.