screams.
oh the screams!
lurking in a place that I can't see.
tell me what you want!
I can feel you, but you are not visible to my naked eye.
cruel, oh you!
vallate acid creeps into my mouth
rip me apart, just do it already!
but instead you stay hidden, buried in time
I don't want to dig!
I must uncover you, slowly, piece by piece
You cut me!
The pieces tear my skin upon touch,
but my soul will not settle until the screams are gone.

the voices in my head
are screaming

the voices have no sound
but they have a physical power
a presence
that can't be ignored

I try not to listen
I tune them out
but they overcome me
and they become too strong

so I cave in
I do what they tell me
I destroy myself to please the noise

oh how silly am I

you can find me hiding
underneath the oak tree
further than the eye can see

thinking about how I'm not ready
how this can't be real
how there couldn't possibly be a you and me

yet here we are
and the memories resurface
of your arms wrapped tightly around my ribs
of your hand enlaced with my tiny fingers

I can't lie and say my thoughts are pure
Because many times I think things might not be right
That I’m not ready for this

my brain tells me I can’t ever love someone
that they could never love me in return

but then I move past all of the noise
and the memories resurface
of you sharing your bacon because you know its my favorite
of you carrying me when my legs have given out

Suddenly I am at peace
I reassure myself that this is right
and I know the thoughts will return
but for now, you can find me hiding under the oak tree
further than the eye can see

tell me again that I'm pretty
I like that
it rolls off your tongue
while the moon lights the sky
at the very moment the waves of sound meet my ears

at the very moment the waves of sound meet my ears
while the moon lights the sky
it rolls off your tongue
I like that
tell me again that I'm pretty

I feel like I'm stuck
but I've been conditioned to like it

to like the feeling of never being able to rest
never being able to let the wheel stop

so I run
I keep running
hoping silently that my legs won't give out beneath me
even though I know they will
im just not sure when

when I will become tired with the constructs
the grind of everyday life
the wheel that won't stop turning

they drift in and out
those that at once I thought I never could live with out
come and go?  
Maybe so
just tell me how I know

will they stay forever
in my heart? in my soul?

Never

So teach me how
to let them pass now
before I become attached
to something I know will never last

I keep staring at the water
wondering when the time will be
when all these thoughts
become too much
and I finally
decide

I keep staring at the water
wondering when the time will be
when I finally give up on these foolish hopes
these silly dreams

I keep staring at the water
wondering when I will feel its chill
breathe deep
and go

I'm not sure how to tell you,
that I'm still an untainted ocean.

For I have watched the birds come and go
And I can speak for years about the rain and the wind
I can tell you the patterns of the sky and the stars
I can pretend like many have sailed through my waters before

I bet you think they have
With my water so wide and the eroded banks along the shore
The vague, mysterious stories I tell
About the waves that cross my body
However, it is all fantasy
For my ocean is untainted and no one has sailed here before

Because every time someone tries to step on the tiny pebbles
on the furthest coast
I cause a storm
I destroy their chances
So I may remain untainted
an untainted ocean

call me naive
just say it already
tell me I'm foolish for picking bouquets of dandelions
that I'm silly when I find your face in the depths of the sky

Acknowledge that I'm innocent when I pull away from your kiss

But don't take away what is mine
Because I fought for so long to get these guileless thoughts out of my head
to only want to be young instead

Maybe years from now
we'll live out the scene we created today

looking face to face
and never
ever
having to say goodbye
your eyes meet mine
and we gaze
stare for hours
as you look into my heart
and I look into yours
and we see the contents of each other's souls
buried without viewing for so many years

but we didn't create that scene
it was just me
and im not sure if you knew
or know now
even though I tried to tell you

I tried to show you subtly
but you didn't care to look
and now you are gone
and the reel will never be played

As I stare out the window
watch
the cars drive along the perfectly made roads
see
the people moving in and out of the city
hear
the birds chirping
feel
the soft breeze pulse through my skin

I wonder if this world is faux
a figure of my imagination
a hopeless dream
I've created
to cover up
the unfortunate reality
to hide
from the anthropogenic plague of
that which is
surreal modernization

To the boy who smiled at me
when he sold me my tacos

I bet you don't know
that I was crying before I saw you

That my eyes were filled with tears
as I gave up on everyone in the world

But, your smile and friendly face made a difference.
Thanks.

tell me...
im begging you.
take away this feeling.
make it go away
or let it grow.
Either way
I need an answer.

I crave the feeling I once had.
The seductive, yet subtle feeling that you would never be mine.
The rush of hormones that filled my body and brain
every time I felt you pull away.

It was never you I truly wanted.
It was the feeling of not having you that I craved.
The feeling of never being able to stare you in the eye,
for you to tell me that I am yours and
you are mine.

The dopamine has dissipated.
The feelings have vanished.
And for now I wait.
Until another comes along,
to make me crave their lack of love.

Wondering if now is the time to say goodbye
To give up the hope that once
filled my soul
To crush the dreams that at the time
Could have filled a sky...

Unrequited,
Unrelinquished,
Unfit,

Tell me why the summer comes so slow
But the winter, it is long
Why the rush of spring, why the burst of energy?
Because the cold feels like an eternity

Take me back to the days of spring
Of birth and feelings of new
Of energy and vitality
Life.

I no longer want to feel like, i’m, falling
-Falling, into the pits of winter
To the darkness
the gloomy;
To the unrequited
the unrelinquished;
Among the bottles

O there are so many bottles
Each one filled with so much
But they lay until spring returns
To shatter them to pieces
And to release their contents once again