I feel like I have lost a piece of myself
I run back the way I came to search for it
But in the end I return empty handed

I lost it

I lost the most important piece of myself
Is that why I no longer feel anything ?
Did I loose my emotions ?

I feel like I am already dead
Just waiting to be taken away
Is it because of that one piece that I lost along the way?

That's exactly what I did
I faked it
Faked my smile
But that's all I could ever do
I couldn't make it real
So I faked it to the point that
I no longer knew
What was real and what was fake.

Running away from you
I thought I could escape
But I was wrong
I could never make it

You pushed your way into my dreams
Turning them into nightmares
That haunt me throughout the day

Neither the light nor the darkness scared you, I wonder
Is there anything you fear
Anything that can stop you
From turning me into you?

I can't be you. Iam not you.
Iam scared
Of anything and everything
I fear their ruthless eyes
Their tounge that spits fire

Don't  force me
To be the black sheep
Who will forever be hated
Please let me live
Hidden away from you

Can i write only when my soul is hurt?
Why does words come to me only when I am tierd?
My anger, my pain, my distress,
Its easier to pen down these feelings
But my happiness never makes it out to the world
Why is it hard to find a synonym for happiness?
Someday, Please make me capable
to write down my joy
which I can look back at
years later and feel glad again.

At the time when none seems to be around,
I crave for a loving hug, a soft kiss and a gentle reminder
that I am needed
that I am loved

A small pat on my head
a soothing touch on my shoulders
or an I miss you text
anything would be fine

Just keep reminding me
that I need to live
Just keep reminding me
that someone will always be there

Never have I seen a smile as pretty as yours,
The way those eyes twinkles,
And those dimples appear,
As you pose for that not so candid but candid photo of yours.

I feel like crying,
but the tears no loner fall
They no longer wanna roll
down my pale chubby cheeks
Maybe they knew about the ups and downs
they need to face along the way
till they reach the end
before they fall onto the floor

Its impossible for me to admire the sunset without having the urge to pen down its magnificence  

Its impossible for me to look at the moon without a paper and pen in hand

Its impossible for me to just stare at the nature's beauty without noting it down

Its impossible for me to calm down my anger without scribbling down words on my note

Its impossible for me to just cry out my pain without putting it into words

Its impossible for me to understand my own emotions without writing it down first

Its impossible for me to stop being a poet.

Running away doesn't seem like an option, I hope it was, on days that weigh me down and tear my soul apart, I hope I could run away.

Days when breathing itself is too hard, how can I even think of walking around acting as if nothing is wrong?

Escaping has always been my thing.
Feeling sick? Work
Feeling tired?  Work more
Feeling violated? Just continue working.

"Keep doing what you have always been doing or else you may break down, in a way that you won't be able to come back up" says my stupid mind and I keep believing that it's true but knowing deep within that it's not.

Under the lighted lamp
She sat with her little dairy
As she jotted down
All about her day
The vague and dim light
Could open the door
To her mind that even
The strong and bright light
Of her phone couldn't

You are like a mistress I keep
A mistress who knows all about me
A mistress who shouldn't exsist
But why do I find it hard to keep you away?

Your darkness throws upon me
A blanket of comfort
Covering me up
From a fake world

The night where truth
Swims up to the surface
Real faces tear apart the fake masks
That covers them up

Like a drunk man
I open up my locked chamber
Of secrets and insecurities cause
With you near me I no more fear

With you iam not fake
I stop pretending to be fine
I don't stop my tears
From rolling down my cheeks

I let my pillows be soaked
With my tears
With the weight that I had to carry
Over my already slumped shoulders

Lying in your lap,  I dream
Of another world
Where the morning would be my strength
And the light would be my comfort

Drowning in happiness
Enjoying each second of your company
Visualizing being together forever
I just wanna tell you
Kinda wanna hug too
Always I will be there for you

I am tired, No beyond that
I am exhausted, Not a tinge
of energy left in me
Not a pinch of life left in me

I can no longer walk, Yet
I try to run the race
they all finish even before I start
I am already out, I already lost

Before I run out of breath, Pick me up
Lend me that hand of yours,
Hold onto me and pull me out
Teach me to crawl first

Hold me while I walk
And finally put me back
on that track again to start
at my own pace.

Thank you for keeping me sane when the world around me was going insane.

I am sorry they blame you
just cause I love you

I am sorry they criticize you
just to get a reaction from me

I am sorry they render you worthless
just to irritate me

I am sorry for not defending you
when they kept on downgrading you

I am sorry I couldn't tell them
that you are the only reason for my happiness

I am sorry I couldn't tell them
how much you mean to me

I am sorry I couldn't tell them
that you taught me to love myself

Above all I am sorry for not telling them
that you are the only reason I am alive today

She said its okay to let go
if I couldn't hold it in
any longer,Then its okay
to let go and I trusted her

Just when I thought
I have figured out everything
things changed,
And I am back to step one

But she said its fine
to not know the next
Its okay to let go
if I couldn't bear it anymore and I trusted her

When I stressed over things
that was totally stupid
When I cried over things
that was totally unwanted

She calmed me down
And told me its okay
to let go if I couldn't do it anymore
and I trusted her

He carried away her body,
Knowing that she isn't going to return
I wonder where he took her to

Those red eyes of his looked tired
Alone he carried her in his arms
like he always did but this time
she was no longer smiling at him

Her pale face refused to display
emotions and her big deary eyes
looked helplessly lifeless

All that was left was the memories
that they once shared and
her lifeless body that he carried

But he never regretted taking her life
She no longer wanted him
but he couldn't let her go

If not his then she shouldn't be anyone's
Hugging her dead body close to his chest
he repeated, mine and mine only

Road to death was dark
The road starved for light
No stars ever shined upon it
Moon hid behind the clouds
I waited for years
For a sign of life on this road
And finally I heard
Light footsteps along the path
That none dared to cross

Did you know,
when a single drop of tear flows down
through your right eye
down on to your cheeks
its said to be the most painful cry for help

I just hope its not true
I don't want my precious tears
to get wasted for him
he isn't worth it
no one is

I saw things
no on else could see,
I heard sounds
no one else could hear.

Looking into that mirror
I asked "who are you?"
She smiled back at me
and replied,

"I am who you wish to be
I am who you dream to be
Wanna cross over this bridge
and see what's hidden behind?"

"You desired to be taken away
You wished to be pulled into
a world far away from your realities
and now I am here to take you away"

She held her hand out for me
But I dare not touch
Cause I knew behind that smile
hid an endless river of tears.

I never knew charcoal green existed
Until my eyes met yours

Its too loud outside
yet why do I still hear the ticking of a clock?
Why are the sounds in my head so loud?
Even though i can hear them clear,
I still don't understand anything they say

Everyone gets to see a different version of me
I can be silent, shy, soft and sweet
I can be angry, mad, crazy and stupid
I can be talkative, loud, funny and smart

But you were the only one who was allowed to see
the raw me, the vulnerable me, the actual me, the ****** up me
But in the end you were the only one
who betrayed me .

Forgotten memories resurfaced
But I had already moved on
Why would you come back now?
When all the fire has died down
And all the heat has evaporated
Why now?
Your face taunts me in my dreams
Why come back now
When I finally stopped grieving for you
I was trying to stand up on my own
But you have pushed me down
Back on my knees
Why come back now
When everything is over

I was collapsing,
The wall I build around me
started to break down

But before I fell,
your hands always held me up,
your smile kept me safe

Your words made me calm
In you I found strength
to live my hardest days

When stress ate me up,
you covered me
with a blanket of warmth

Distance can never keep us apart
Even if I could change the past,
I would still choose to be with you

Trust me, I wouldn't want to change a thing
Lets just stay this way,
even when our hairs start to grey

You pushed open the doors  
that I had closed a long time ago
Why did you do that?

You said you would never
let my eyes fill up with tears,
But every single day I cried
and you were the reason for those tears

What explanation have you got?
What excuses have you prepared?
In front of you I was a thin sheet of glass
fully transparent, fully open

You broke that glass,
shattered it into pieces,
with a ****** **** stone
You cut my edges sharp,

Then dared to complain
that I hurt you
As I picked up those broken pieces,
I knew I would never be the same,
we would never be the same
It was all over, once and for all.

Looking at those old pictures today,
I realized I grew up way too fast
My smile no longer looks that genuine
My eyes no longer twinkles
My face no longer glitters
Its all dull and dry now
like a desert waiting for a rain

Its sad to know
I am the biggest reason
for my downfall

I should have tried,
I should have worked,
I should have known,

that magic won't happen
That in the end its all on me
Everyone did well

But that shouldn't matter to me
All that I should care about is
my loss which was caused by me

But the ultimate question being
what's next ,will I try harder ?
will I improve?

Honestly I don't know
but I hope I do
I just hope

i miss you my poetic soul

What does it feel like to be in love?

Is it like the water that cools your head
or is it like the water that drowns you in it?

Is it like the fire that keeps you warm
or is it like the fire that burns you down?

Is it like the joy that can make you smile
or is it like the joy that brings tears to your eyes?

What does it feel like to be in love?

Should it be the feeling of freedom
or should it be the feeling of suffocation ?

Should I feel scared and paranoid
or should I feel safe and secure ?

And what if I am feeling all this together,
Is it still okay?
Is it still considered love ?

Those thorns
They poke right into my bleeding heart
The red rose that once showed our love
Now shows our pain
Again and again they pierce my heart
Shattering it into a mess
But it was already a mess
Since the time you left me
My brain no longer functions as it should
It told me not to depend on that heart
It told me heart can get hurt easily
But I didn't listen and now I know

I badly need a break
but I feel I don't deserve it
I haven't done anything
to feel this tired
physically and mentally
Maybe its all in my head
May be I am over reacting
But i crave for a break
which I think I don't deserve.

In those sparkly eyes
I saw glittery stars rise

Those eyes that held wonder
Smiled louder than thunder

It caught my eye
It caught my heart

Harder my heart thumped
Looking at those eyes

I saw the world in those eyes
And now you are my world

I will never want you to go through what i went through my dear child, trust me my dear I won't let you suffer alone like they did to me.
If you ever need to cry trust me I will be there beside you to hold your hand and sing you to sleep, trust me my dear i won't let you suffer alone like they did to me
I will never make you choose whom you like more between me and him ,no i won't let you suffer my child like they did to me
trust me my baby just trust me please