Running away doesn't seem like an option, I hope it was, on days that weigh me down and tear my soul apart, I hope I could run away.

Days when breathing itself is too hard, how can I even think of walking around acting as if nothing is wrong?

Escaping has always been my thing.
Feeling sick? Work
Feeling tired?  Work more
Feeling violated? Just continue working.

"Keep doing what you have always been doing or else you may break down, in a way that you won't be able to come back up" says my stupid mind and I keep believing that it's true but knowing deep within that it's not.

There are days I just wanna quit,
Throw it all away and crawl back into bed,
Cry out loud till its all clear and clean inside out.

Daily I try, to be a better me for you and for me,
Dragging myself from the sheets of comfort that cover me, I fight,
I fight everyday for the strength that helps me stand.

It's not easy, I'm barely alive somedays,
So please be kind to me, Atleast on those days let me be kind to myself.
It's not hard to be kind, is it ?

I don't remember the last time I wrote,
Wrote something good
But isn't all that's written and
All that will be written good?
Maybe this is what it is,
What they call a perfect example,
Of a bad writing.
Is it so?

Using words I sew up that hole I found in me.
The hole that has been wrecking havoc and turing things upside down.
Will that be enough this time?
I have always done this and I know no other way
To pour out the pain, the grief, the guilt, the regret.
But nowadays even the words don't come out of me.
It's so hard to even pen things down.
It's so hard to say what I am feeling.
What will I do when the only way I could throw a fit has died within me?

Everyday I try,
to pull myself out,
of all the trauma
the lies you told me caused

I thought, rather I believed
I had moved a lot further
from all the scars your lies left
Looks like iam wrong

Entirely evidently,
I was wrong,
Cause it still hurts me
Way too much than it should

Even the smallest
of small lie hurts me
deeply and badly
Unable to breathe I struggle

Makes me wanna see you,
talk to you never again,
ever again
So please don't do this

Don't lie to me
And if you ever do
make sure to never let me know
cause I would hate you too
as much as I hate lies.

Talking to you on the phone,
drains me out of energy
And puts me to sleep
making my head hurt,
making my tummy ache,
its paining all over

It drains me , drains me out
way too much

Makes me want to cry ,
makes me want to hear sad songs
like u haven't caused me enough sadness
Cry with me will you,
sing with me will you,
after all that you have done

It drains me , drains me out
way too much

2 years apart
Still close to heart
A shoulder to lie on
A hand to hold on
Endless stories to share
More movie nights to come
Outings being a bliss
Combine studies becoming an abyss
Hoping for wonderful days
And amazing people to be a part of your life ahead.

Aren’t we all hypocrites in one way or the other?
We all say we should respect other
But we make sure to call them mad or crazy when we find out they are different from us
When we find out they do things differently
We judge easily,
We criticize easily,
We make fun easily,
Not caring about how the other person might feel
Yet we claim to be the most respectful
We call others hypocrites when in reality we all are hypocrites
Aren’t we?

I have a crush
But I daren't let the world know

Born from within me
It will die within me.

How could you call me that
An introvert you say,
Just cause I don't talk to you
How crazy of you to think so?
My never ending blabber will surprise you
But it's not for you to listen to
My words and my voice are for the ones that's I want to share it with
For those who build that comfort wall around me
How do I speak to you,
When I feel so suffocated just sitting next to you?
My heart running miles and miles everytime you utter a word
My throat going dry and hands sweating tons
Now tell me is it my fault that I don't talk to you?
Is it my fault that you call me an introvert?

His grip so tight that it left marks on my skin,
that's been pale for as long as I can remember
Its now the darkest shade of red,
as dark as it can get.
I should probably be searching
for a way to escape, But here I am standing still
like a statue bearing all that pain,
unable to find my voice,
unable to regain my strength.

Why do all my poems sound like a cry for help?
Like iam so desperate for someone to come and save me
Is that normal
Or have I become abnormal?

It hurts when I breathe,
Like my lungs no longer wanna take air in
It's painful, it hurts, even when I lie down
Dark circles won't go away,
Pimples and acne just doesn't leave,
Legs ache, they gave up on me
Tummy growls, in hunger or anger I am yet to discover,
I am loosing hair, I am loosing my mind
Skin too dry, yet not dead
Most of all my heart feels too heavy,
Like my entire weight is balanced on that tiny little flesh smaller than the palm of my hand.

The longer it takes for you to fall,
Deeper will your fall be.

That's what I was for them,
a doll to play with,
a doll to throw away when unwanted
and take back when needed
I got angry,
they pretended to be nice,
I let them do what they like,
but again they made me the doll
Never was my feelings considered
What feelings could a doll have,
they might have thought
Not their fault cause I stood there,
for years being their doll,
even when I could have ran,
I didn't
But now I am going to,
I no longer will be the doll,
go find a new one to play with and throw around

She bled not through the holes in her,
but through the lines she wrote
She let it all out
emptying herself of pain,
devoid of emotions
The paper took it all from her,
her true companion
listened to her all day long,
comforted her,
and finally was burned in the fire
along with her own blood.

I did it first
She copied mine
But hers was better

It ******, it felt terrible
to see her get all the credit
Maybe it was just jealousy

But still it hurt!

There are days when she calls
And I just don't wanna talk
There are days when I wanna talk
but she doesn't
I just realized maybe she gets tired too

Tired of being a mom

They love to see you cry,
They would sing praises for you
and jump around with joy.
But only until their thirst is quenched
and belly is filled.

They all pretend to love your tears,
Until the moment they realize
you aren't gonna stop soon.
Why are you crying, They would ask,
Don't you know your tears bring us pain?

When your tears overflow,
They would curse you out for your existence.
Some would beg the heavens above to make you stop,
Some would cry along with you,
Clever ones find a way to sell the pain you caused.

And if you suddenly decide to stop crying forever,
When you realize its not worth wasting your tears,
You will still be cursed.
You will be condemned for the attitude you put up,
You will be criticized for the lives that you destroyed.

Still there will be some,
Who would try to please the Gods to see your tears,
Who would make news out of your unshed tears.
Lives are lost either way,
You will be blamed either way.

You can choose a middle ground,
Cry until when you are needed to
and then stop when they ask you to.
But the tears are yours alone,
So should be right to decide.

Oh dear world, hear me preach!
You asked me what are we, Let me tell you
There isn't a word that can summarize us
We are best friends,
We fight together, dance together, party together, play together
We steal glances, the world becomes air when we are together ,we hug, we steal kisses too,
Friends don't do that,
But we aren't just friends,
You aren't just a boyfriend too
We aren't just a gay couple like the world calls us,
We are each other's best partner, each other's home and comfort,
Each other's everything
Now tell me a word that explains it all
I couldn't find one in the dictionary
So we would rather remain in a no definition-relation
Than one which doesn't do justice to it

A walking disaster,
I was named
From birth, it's all I ever heard
They feared being with me
What if I pull them all down with me, Cause of this cursed luck of mine?
Anyone who ever came near said the same

You were the first who asked,
"Will you ever be you if you changed",
Instead of the usual words they threw at me, that cut straight through my heart
You bandaged that bleeding heart and held it tight,
Within your strong embrace

With you I was no longer a disaster
You told me I am so much more
Than what they all ever said
If that's true, then why did you leave me too?
Was my bad luck too much to bear, that you had to runaway from me without even saying a goodbye?
Didn't I deserve a goodbye from you atleast?

I belive we were meant to meet
If not today then tomorrow
If not this week then next week
If not this month then next month
If not this year then next year
And so on....
But someday somewhere we were meant to meet.
Meant to be each other's comfort
Destined to be each other's best
Made to be each other's forever.

Miss your hugs
Miss your touches
Miss your consolations
Weren't you ever tierd
hearing me complain,
Cause thinking back
I realize that's all I ever did
Iam sorry I never asked
How you are doing
Iam sorry I never complimented
When you shared your success
Iam sorry I never cared
When you cried for support.
Iam sorry mom
That I never said I love you
Even though I have never loved anyone as much as I love you.

They knew it was hard
But they still kept pushing
When will they realize
That I can't even breathe anymore
I have nightmares
I no longer live
Will they stop if I go away
Far away from them
Will others be saved?
Is that the only way?
Please show me other roads
I don't wanna leave yet

A love like yours,
Platoinc yet peculiar,
Withered and yellow,
Soft and mellow,
Fallen with time,
During its prime.

Never have I seen a smile as pretty as yours,
The way those eyes twinkles,
And those dimples appear,
As you pose for that not so candid but candid photo of yours.

It feels just so empty inside out,
So blank like a new book,
Empty pages left to be filled up

But the ink doesn't flow,
The pen refuses to write on it,
Not only is the book empty, its too old to be used

The pen doesn't wanna get *****,
The book tried its best to get filled,
And that's enough knowing that it tried its best, nothing else matters.

If you can't respect my happiness
Please walk out
Iam happy to see you leave
I hold no grude
I take no offense
Please just leave
I have nothing more to tell
Nothing more to show
Yes you were important
But sorry I am more important
So please just walk out
For all I care.

Looking at those old pictures today,
I realized I grew up way too fast
My smile no longer looks that genuine
My eyes no longer twinkles
My face no longer glitters
Its all dull and dry now
like a desert waiting for a rain

Its sad to know
I am the biggest reason
for my downfall

I should have tried,
I should have worked,
I should have known,

that magic won't happen
That in the end its all on me
Everyone did well

But that shouldn't matter to me
All that I should care about is
my loss which was caused by me

But the ultimate question being
what's next ,will I try harder ?
will I improve?

Honestly I don't know
but I hope I do
I just hope

Did you know,
when a single drop of tear flows down
through your right eye
down on to your cheeks
its said to be the most painful cry for help

I just hope its not true
I don't want my precious tears
to get wasted for him
he isn't worth it
no one is

Its impossible for me to admire the sunset without having the urge to pen down its magnificence  

Its impossible for me to look at the moon without a paper and pen in hand

Its impossible for me to just stare at the nature's beauty without noting it down

Its impossible for me to calm down my anger without scribbling down words on my note

Its impossible for me to just cry out my pain without putting it into words

Its impossible for me to understand my own emotions without writing it down first

Its impossible for me to stop being a poet.

I feel like crying,
but the tears no loner fall
They no longer wanna roll
down my pale chubby cheeks
Maybe they knew about the ups and downs
they need to face along the way
till they reach the end
before they fall onto the floor

That's exactly what I did
I faked it
Faked my smile
But that's all I could ever do
I couldn't make it real
So I faked it to the point that
I no longer knew
What was real and what was fake.

I never knew charcoal green existed
Until my eyes met yours

What does it feel like to be in love?

Is it like the water that cools your head
or is it like the water that drowns you in it?

Is it like the fire that keeps you warm
or is it like the fire that burns you down?

Is it like the joy that can make you smile
or is it like the joy that brings tears to your eyes?

What does it feel like to be in love?

Should it be the feeling of freedom
or should it be the feeling of suffocation ?

Should I feel scared and paranoid
or should I feel safe and secure ?

And what if I am feeling all this together,
Is it still okay?
Is it still considered love ?

I feel like I have lost a piece of myself
I run back the way I came to search for it
But in the end I return empty handed

I lost it

I lost the most important piece of myself
Is that why I no longer feel anything ?
Did I loose my emotions ?

I feel like I am already dead
Just waiting to be taken away
Is it because of that one piece that I lost along the way?

I am sorry they blame you
just cause I love you

I am sorry they criticize you
just to get a reaction from me

I am sorry they render you worthless
just to irritate me

I am sorry for not defending you
when they kept on downgrading you

I am sorry I couldn't tell them
that you are the only reason for my happiness

I am sorry I couldn't tell them
how much you mean to me

I am sorry I couldn't tell them
that you taught me to love myself

Above all I am sorry for not telling them
that you are the only reason I am alive today

Drowning in happiness
Enjoying each second of your company
Visualizing being together forever
I just wanna tell you
Kinda wanna hug too
Always I will be there for you

Its too loud outside
yet why do I still hear the ticking of a clock?
Why are the sounds in my head so loud?
Even though i can hear them clear,
I still don't understand anything they say

You pushed open the doors  
that I had closed a long time ago
Why did you do that?

You said you would never
let my eyes fill up with tears,
But every single day I cried
and you were the reason for those tears

What explanation have you got?
What excuses have you prepared?
In front of you I was a thin sheet of glass
fully transparent, fully open

You broke that glass,
shattered it into pieces,
with a ****** **** stone
You cut my edges sharp,

Then dared to complain
that I hurt you
As I picked up those broken pieces,
I knew I would never be the same,
we would never be the same
It was all over, once and for all.

Everyone gets to see a different version of me
I can be silent, shy, soft and sweet
I can be angry, mad, crazy and stupid
I can be talkative, loud, funny and smart

But you were the only one who was allowed to see
the raw me, the vulnerable me, the actual me, the ****** up me
But in the end you were the only one
who betrayed me .

i miss you my poetic soul

At the time when none seems to be around,
I crave for a loving hug, a soft kiss and a gentle reminder
that I am needed
that I am loved

A small pat on my head
a soothing touch on my shoulders
or an I miss you text
anything would be fine

Just keep reminding me
that I need to live
Just keep reminding me
that someone will always be there

I saw things
no on else could see,
I heard sounds
no one else could hear.

Looking into that mirror
I asked "who are you?"
She smiled back at me
and replied,

"I am who you wish to be
I am who you dream to be
Wanna cross over this bridge
and see what's hidden behind?"

"You desired to be taken away
You wished to be pulled into
a world far away from your realities
and now I am here to take you away"

She held her hand out for me
But I dare not touch
Cause I knew behind that smile
hid an endless river of tears.

Road to death was dark
The road starved for light
No stars ever shined upon it
Moon hid behind the clouds
I waited for years
For a sign of life on this road
And finally I heard
Light footsteps along the path
That none dared to cross

I was collapsing,
The wall I build around me
started to break down

But before I fell,
your hands always held me up,
your smile kept me safe

Your words made me calm
In you I found strength
to live my hardest days

When stress ate me up,
you covered me
with a blanket of warmth

Distance can never keep us apart
Even if I could change the past,
I would still choose to be with you

Trust me, I wouldn't want to change a thing
Lets just stay this way,
even when our hairs start to grey

Thank you for keeping me sane when the world around me was going insane.