Running away doesn't seem like an option, I hope it was, on days that weigh me down and tear my soul apart, I hope I could run away.

Days when breathing itself is too hard, how can I even think of walking around acting as if nothing is wrong?

Escaping has always been my thing.
Feeling sick? Work
Feeling tired?  Work more
Feeling violated? Just continue working.

"Keep doing what you have always been doing or else you may break down, in a way that you won't be able to come back up" says my stupid mind and I keep believing that it's true but knowing deep within that it's not.

There are days I just wanna quit,
Throw it all away and crawl back into bed,
Cry out loud till its all clear and clean inside out.

Daily I try, to be a better me for you and for me,
Dragging myself from the sheets of comfort that cover me, I fight,
I fight everyday for the strength that helps me stand.

It's not easy, I'm barely alive somedays,
So please be kind to me, Atleast on those days let me be kind to myself.
It's not hard to be kind, is it ?

I don't remember the last time I wrote,
Wrote something good
But isn't all that's written and
All that will be written good?
Maybe this is what it is,
What they call a perfect example,
Of a bad writing.
Is it so?

Using words I sew up that hole I found in me.
The hole that has been wrecking havoc and turing things upside down.
Will that be enough this time?
I have always done this and I know no other way
To pour out the pain, the grief, the guilt, the regret.
But nowadays even the words don't come out of me.
It's so hard to even pen things down.
It's so hard to say what I am feeling.
What will I do when the only way I could throw a fit has died within me?

Everyday I try,
to pull myself out,
of all the trauma
the lies you told me caused

I thought, rather I believed
I had moved a lot further
from all the scars your lies left
Looks like iam wrong

Entirely evidently,
I was wrong,
Cause it still hurts me
Way too much than it should

Even the smallest
of small lie hurts me
deeply and badly
Unable to breathe I struggle

Makes me wanna see you,
talk to you never again,
ever again
So please don't do this

Don't lie to me
And if you ever do
make sure to never let me know
cause I would hate you too
as much as I hate lies.

Talking to you on the phone,
drains me out of energy
And puts me to sleep
making my head hurt,
making my tummy ache,
its paining all over

It drains me , drains me out
way too much

Makes me want to cry ,
makes me want to hear sad songs
like u haven't caused me enough sadness
Cry with me will you,
sing with me will you,
after all that you have done

It drains me , drains me out
way too much

2 years apart
Still close to heart
A shoulder to lie on
A hand to hold on
Endless stories to share
More movie nights to come
Outings being a bliss
Combine studies becoming an abyss
Hoping for wonderful days
And amazing people to be a part of your life ahead.