A thought so grim
I looked down the barrel and pulled that hammer
Did that animals life matter?
I say thank you for your life

A poets mind is endless
It jumps from one thought to the other
In an instant
It’s a new poem

December has come and gone
A bitter sweet ending
The beginning of something new
My heart is broke and blue.

A poets life is words
It’s what I do.

****** kisses


I kiss your lips, so ****** and sweet
I softly caress your hips
Run my tongue down your neck.
My heart is a wreck

Your smell is enchanting
Our love is tameless
Oh the sounds of you panting
Call my name in ecstasy
As I enter you so wet and sweet
My love runs deep.

With every stroke our bodies become as one.
With every ****** my heart is on the run.
When I ****** in you
So hot and sticky.
Love like ours is tricky..
our bodies,our hearts, beat and lye as 1.
Your perfume has me under a spell
You’re a vampire who bit me
Now my love take me
I’m yours
You’re mine
With that sweet perfume smelling so fine.

Give me a reason
A reason to exist
A reason to continue
A reason to persist...

The ache inside keeps growing
Like a **** or storm or flame
It smothers all the light inside
Yet I'm the one to blame

I cannot see the goodness
I only feel the pain
The open wound pours sorrow
That leaves me hollow & insane

What would happen with a wound so deep
Would you save me
Or leave me here to die
A choice that isn't meant to be

Tell me how to end the pain
A gun, A knife, or pills
Or maybe I'll pretend to fly
The end result, she kills.

There is nothing left to say
No apologies to be made
You never saw the pain you caused
Check-mate has just been played.

Pain is ecstasy
******* in a false reality
I cut my wrist
I feel the blade as it rips my skin
Oh the ecstasy I can’t keep with in
As I bleed, with every drop I get weaker
I see a dark shadow is it the reaper?
I wipe my eyes and reach out my hand
I ask the angel of death to take me to the promise land.

Goodbye

All this pain
Who’s to blame
It’s driving me insane
My tears pour like rain

My heart holds on
Something that was never mine
I loved blind
All those years

I’m lost here
But in reality I should be like you and not care
You say you love me
But yet when I need you you’re to busy
The loss of blood has me dizzy

I’m alone in this world
No one understands me
My tears that are in my eye as I write this
Are proof that I’m still in this fight

I’ve held on
Held something that wasn’t mine
Years go bye
It’s the same
I’m the bad guy

In these last few lines
I say I love you
I say I’m done with this hurt
I say to you I’ll be fine

I’m gonna wipe my eye
Put my right foot forward
Hold my head high
Because for you and I, this is goodbye

One day at a time
We as Americans have been blinded
Broad sided we are puppets
Strung up by lies

With Every hate crime our country dies more.
If you care don’t shut your door
You’re scared to say your life matters
No matter your skin tone
You matter

Stop the Racist chatter
We are not animals
We my brothers and sisters have the power
We can change this
Pray with me.

My father in heaven
Please protect our lives
My black brothers and sisters
My white brothers and sisters
My Hispanic brothers and sisters
And the rest of the brothers and sisters
From all corners of our planet

I’m on my knees begging
For the miracle
We need your power
So my lord at this hour
My prayer to you is to heal the hatred

Ask yourself do you want your kids to live this in the future?
Our children are the future
We as a whole need to change.

My brothers and sisters
From all corners
No matter your color
I love you and you matter.

So I say to you if we Stand united as one
We can stop all this hate and chatter.

I’m alone in the dark listening to the clock tick life away,and the sounds of screaming run through my head.
I long for the sensual touch
That’s not asking much
The longer nights let the demons
In my burning mind out to play.
I ask please lord, I’m on my knees,I’m praying and I’m begging,Please as I am your servant. Take this dreadful night and turn it into day. As for then the screams of this hellish night will go away.

Imagine

Imagine a world where all can be one
Imagine a world where we don't need a gun
Imagine a world where we need no drugs
Imagine all you need is a hug.

Imagine waking to peace and no senseless killings
Imagine what a feeling
Imagine there is no black or white.
Imagine just doing wright.

Take pen to paper and imagine the possibilities
Imagine owning your responsibilities
Imagine the smile on your kids face when no bullies push or call them names.
Imagine your life with no pain..
imagine taking your loved one and dancing in the rain.

Close your eyes and imagine
Open your mind and imagine the possibilities
Imagine saying hi to a stranger
Imagine a day with no anger..
Imagine if we stood together as one
Imagine how that will feel ?
Imagine if we loved instead of hated one another
Imagine that feeling my brother
Imagine all as one
Let’s make it a reality
And then we all win..

Imagine my brothers and sisters. We all can unite we can all live as one. All we need is the faith of a mustard seed. Faith moves mountains.

                                      Written by
                                 James W Cook
                                      07/18/2020

Joke

Am I a joke?
I am only human
I have feelings to.
I might look tough on the outside
But on the inside I have a heart too

You probably think I don’t care
Deep inside I do
I had to do what I had to do
So girl we are through

Deep inside it hurts
I’ll get up day by day
I’ll put my right foot in front of the left
That’s all I have left

As we move forward I wish you the best
I feel like I was a joke
You say you loved me
Then why treat me like I don’t matter

I’ll say to you
Thank you for the good times
We had one hell of a ride
I’ll dry my eyes
I wish you only the best
I hope you find what you’re looking for
But as far as you and I
I just shut that door.

My mind is like a black hole nothing but hurt and dispare every time I get something that is good I throw it away because I don't know any different.
my heart wants to love but the anger that pulls at my soul want let it In.
Like feeling nothing but the numbness that my mind has become feels like that light at the end of the tunnel that is 2 miles away and your stuck in mud and can't move..
it's never ending

I sit here
Lost in thought
A battle hard fought
Love can’t be bought

Day in and day out
I pour my heart out
My feelings flow like a river
My depression gets deeper

That shadow in the corner ?
Is it the keeper of death
The grim reaper
Deaths sweet keeper

Every word the blade goes deeper
Every breath harder then the last
Soon this will pass
I’ll be free
Alone to walk the streets of hell
My nightmare replays over and over

I wake up in a cold sweat
Man it was just a dream!!! Bet.
I lay in my bed with a tear in my eye
I just want to say bye.

I want to feel peace
I want to smile and be happy
I don’t like feeling low
Until that day comes
I’ll lay here all alone.

Sitting in the dark with the screams of demons all around me. This is my life, my day to day struggle.. I might smile, I might laugh, but inside I am empty my heart is broke into a million pieces and can never be fixed..I look over my shoulder to see the devil smiling at me.. my mind is tourtered with the visions of fire and brimstone..as I sit here in silence my voices touture me with the taunts and the disbelief of my life..I open the bottle of pills and pour them in my hand, i reach for my drink and put them in my mouth and soon I'll be asleep.. I drift away to warmth I'm finally free...

Thought After thought
Tear After Tear
I dream of peace year After year .
60 pills didnt **** the pain
A gun in my mouth was just part of the game.
The misfire of the shell leaves me in this life of Hell.
I lay in thé dark in thought of fear and  how to get free of these voices that haunt me  from day to day. And Night to Night
I think of suicide or to smoke the pain away.
My tourtered mind and forsaken soul will lay here in darkness for eternity and waste away....

My hero
I look up to you
You are the one who taught me to be who I am
My hero is just a man.

He has cancer
Eating away at his brain.
But he doesn’t know it,he feels no pain.

I have no words but 1
No Rhymes
No cute little saying
Only one word
Cancer

My hero
The man I thought could never die
My hero, my paw paw wipe your eye
I’ll never let you see me cry
But in my heart old man I’m about to die

Go rest easy my hero
The reason I say yes sir
Go up to heaven
When you get there kiss my grandma and tell her I am strong
Because as god takes you home
I’ll play your song.

My hero no words can describe my love
My hero go be free of pain
My grandpa, my best friend
Kiss your wife tell everyone I said hi.
Go home to the mansion in the sky.

As I sit here I see you
My baby girl
As the days go bye I wonder
Wonder what you’re doing?
Do I ever cross your mind?

Daddy had to leave
My heart still bleeds
Baby girl I’m lost
Everywhere I look I see your smile
Little baby girl please know
Daddy had to go.

That day in Febuary I lost a piece of me
My youngest child my precious baby. that beautiful smile, you’re brown hair
With your pretty little eyes

On that awful day daddy died
You’ll never know me I missed your first steps.
Watching you grow up is something I’ll never know.

Just know my sweet baby my precious Rylee jo
Daddy loves you baby I just wanted you to know..

I’m Nervous !!!

Girl if you only knew
I’m shaking over here
That pretty smile has me feeling like a little boy

A little crush with the passion of a million dreams
My heart screams
Let me be the one
The one that has that sweet goodnight kiss
Or that pretty smile when we meet eyes

It’s no surprise
You already know
My crush is you
I just wanted you to know.

Depression.
One does not simply know depression. Depression becomes you.
It takes you  over, controls your moods, your eating habits.
One might say depression is sadness.
Sadness is to feel sad. (Sad)
Depression is much more then sadness.
It’s pain,torment,ups and downs .. and sadness can’t leave that out..
ones self worth is at a all time low.
All we need is a loved one to say hey I love you.. or acknowledge there is a problem.

Crying or moping around is not a cop out.
It takes more strength to just get up when you’re depressed then you’ll ever know if you never had depression..
instead of saying hey what’s wrong. Say hey is there anything I can do.. 9 times out of 10 there won’t be anything you can do. But the thought never goes unnoticed.

DEPRESSION in a nutshell.
No energy
No appetite
No will to go on.
Thoughts of suicide
Feelings of worthlessness
Wanting to sleep
Nightmares while you are sleeping.
Some cut
Some write
Some even end their lives..

If you know someone who is fighting depression. Or someone who self harms
Don’t be scared to say hey do you need my help? Can I do something to make things easier for you?

One simple act of kindness can stop someone from taking their lives..
Please don’t battle this awful disease alone. Ask for help.

Pain

I am worthless
I am no good
My life is useless
I don’t want to live

Pain is all I feel
The screams pull at me
The torment is real
My life is a joke
Come on loser just hang that rope

My life is a burden
So I’m sure I won’t be missed
My whole life was a **** with out a kiss
No more pain would be so bliss
Come on loser just get the **** over with

Pain heart ache and despair
I wish I had the courage to leave here
Pills ,A gun or maybe a rope
With all this pain there is no hope

I get on my knees I bow my head
I cross my fingers and pray to be free
My pain is my prison
I’m locked in this hell

The smell of death and the smile from the reaper
The prince of darkness
The death keeper my one hope
To end my pain as i jump and get caught by the rope.

I wonder if she knows,
Knows how beautiful she is.
Does she know? she makes me feel like a little boy.
A school boy crush..

She is my dream
She is out of reach
Her skin so soft like a Georgia peach.

If she only knew
Only knew I would love her till the end of time.
Unconditional love
Love for our lifetime.

Does she know no matter how far apart we are my love won't change.
If only I had the words to explain to her
Explain that she is the one.

I sleep a lot
Not because I'm sleepy or depressed
It's the only time I see her.
You are my dream.
Your eyes , your smile , and your personality
Baby please let's make this a reality..


I'll wake to sadness and disappointment  
I long to hold you
Kiss those sweet lips.

Baby what I'm saying is you're my dream girl.
You are my world.
My dream
My peace
My serenity
My silence in the dark.
My sweet love, you are my heart.

My mind so dark and cold
Torn apart piece by piece
My life has no peace
Just ******* and madness

Life full of sadness
Thoughts of suicide are my norm
Take that blade and cut my arm
To feel the blood so warm

As it spills from my arm
My thoughts are of only death
I can smell the breath of the demon
Sent to bring me to hell

The devil rung his bell
The fires burn so warm
It’s like being back in my mother’s arm
Reborn into hell

My dreams full of lies
I dream to escape this life
So my friend hand me that knife.

My heart on my sleeve
I can barely breath
You broke it in two

I’ll sit here and wait for you
My soul is blue
Tell my heart we’re through
I’m dying slowly here
Girl I love you!!!

Day after day
It doesn’t get easier
My heart bleeds
My soul cracks even more

I keep watching that door
Like you’ll walk through any minute
Wishing for a genie in a bottle
My one and only wish my love
Would be you..

My heart broke
When I hear your name I choke
I can’t get in my head
That you’re gone and never coming home
I just lay here feeling really low
Minute after minute I’m slowly dying

How could you do this
You said you loved me
I guess this is bye
I’ll just hang my head and cry.

I’m dying slowly here
But you don’t care.

Little hands I never got to hold
Cute little cheeks I never got to pinch
Playing catch with you was just a dream

A little bean with a heart
My sweet angel has gone home.
Took away my heart.

Little baby go to heaven and play.
Let Jesus read to you.
And the angels sing you your favorite song.

I wonder if every time I think of what your precious face would've been.
Do you smile
Do you know that your mom and I
Will always love you.

Little angel as you grow your wings
And as you look down upon us
Blow us a kiss.

I never knew it would be so hard.
The love I have will never die.
So baby angel as I lay here and cry.
Go to the play ground in the sky.

I sit here
I look at our society
I see a scared population of people
There is no white or black
This virus will stab us all in the back

My brothers and sisters
We need to bring back humanity
Love now days what a vanity
It’s total insanity

My heart is for the ones who can’t help themselves
The homeless out on the street
Where are they supposed to go
They say self quarantine
How can you self quarantine with no home?

The elderly have lived a long life
Only to be taken out by this man made catastrophe
This isn’t a joke
To you my beautiful people I pray

They say sit back quarantine everything will be ok
I will pray and help to do my best to help all I can
To my fellow workers that still go out day bye day
We are exposed to it all
We won’t quit from dusk to dawn
We don’t ask for anything in return
We are stocking the shelves moving the freight coast to coast
The doctors and the nurses who give all take away from their families to save yours.
Don’t turn up your nose
We Risk it all
With that said, I love you all
I’m in this fight until the curtain falls..

This poem was written By: James W Cook
03/17/2020

One minute to the next
I look back and think
Where did I go wrong?
It’s like a sad song

My heart is broke
I lost my girl
I’m lost in this world
I ponder what silence would be like

Silence ?
24 hours a day I hear screams
I plead with them
They just laugh

36 pills didn’t work
All I thought about was what a ****
I couldn’t even do that right
Stupid **** all I wanted was peace

I once hung a rope
I jumped and hung for about 45 seconds
The rope broke
I looked up with such dissatisfaction
I wanted peace

All the signs are there
I mope
I sleep a lot
I even cried out for help
Only to be told I’m weak

I only want peace
At any cost
It’s a game I need to learn how to beat
Suicide the end to the pain
The love isn’t there
My heart is dead.

Take that 45 put it to my head
Bang I’ll be dead
I’ll be gone
And all your problems will be to.

I’m a burden
I am no good for anyone
Until my moment of peace
I say to you all I’ll play this game
Shuffle the deck
Rummy is on
Don’t worry I’ll go on.

Your skin so soft
Your kiss sweet as sugar
Your eyes blue as the sky
I see the light in your eye

You hold my hand
I hold yours like I'll never touch you again.
My love is for you my friend.
My heart bleeds from tourment.
As I know when the light comes you'll be gone.

My dream girl
You're just a dream
That light I hope to one day find.
A beautiful smile only an angel can carry.
The beauty that can tame this beast.
My love when I find the light
I'll find you... until that day comes
I'll have you in my dreams .
The light I search for until I see it I'll be lost

The silent killer

You've invaded me.
You've  made me sick.
I battle you.
I try and try but there is no trick.
You take away *******.
You take away breaths.
You will **** me,but I won't quit like the rest.
I'll fight till the end.
I'll stand next to you thru it all my friend.
You'll lose your hair and your skin won't be so fare.
But to me you're beautiful so I don't care.
I'll hold your weak hand and next to you I will stand.
Till the silent killer takes you away to the promise land.
I'll be here with you for a hand to hold..
I'll try to hide the pain
I'll try but my tears fall like rain..
as you get weaker and weaker.
As the meds start to fail.
Take no pain with you.
Open up that sail.
As you die and the silent killer takes you from  me.
Go Rest In Peace and let the angels take you away..

                            Dedicated to my grandmother and all the other family's battling cancer and diabetes. Kiss your loved ones we are not promised tomorrow...
                                       James w cook

I sit here
Every person who walks by
I look up and wait for a word
Seems like forever here in this chair

The thought of losing you
Well it just brings me to tears
I couldn’t go on the rest of my years
I’ll just sit here and pray

I pray that god wraps you up tight
And he gives your body the strength to fight
Watching these people go in and out
The uncertainty makes me want to shout

Finally the nurse says let’s go sir the Dr wants to see you.
I listen to him and a smile comes back to my face
Because none of this would be possible without gods loving grace.

They say I’m a killer
There’s some truth to this
I’m a killer with words
I can make you a monster or make you a hero
But in the same thought my words for you are at zero.

I can bring you up or bring you down
But with all this foolishness you can also be bound.
Wrap you up tight in the room of your own lies
The words you say are so full of Bs my eyes are empty of surprise

They say I’m a killer all though this isn’t true
But in my story of life I just killed you.
The world free of ignorance you believe to be so bliss.

So long on your journey for as I wrote you off in my life with out even a kiss
So long from my thoughts
So long with your lies and endless chatter
Because to me you never really mattered.

Lost in translation
Whispers on the wind
I love you !!!
It’s the new word for pain
If not true explain it to my brain

Pain is the normal to me
I’ve lost the good in me
I’m already gone
No words left behind
I’ve gone blind

You were by my side
But now a million miles away
I try to smile
I sit and ponder awhile
But my love has gone away

I’m going under
I can’t breath
No one to save me
I’m letting go
Pain is my world

I’m a loser
I’m the one to blame
Play that game
I’ll take in the pain
I say goodbye so long for now
Until I see you again I’ll be standing in the rain
All I have is this pain.

I open my eyes
Oh I’m not surprised
I’m alone, my room so cold.

I grab my pen pull my pad close
I write you.
I tell you my most intiment feelings
I spill my pain as if I was begging for a touch.

I ask not but one question
What if I say bye?
Would you be hurt
Would you miss me or would you ******* off?

I ask if what you’ll say really matters.
My heart hurting and badly battered
I ask these questions I guess to see where you stand..

If I said bye would you miss me
Would you cry.
Or would you write me off like I Was never here?

When I’m gone go on.
When I’m gone stay strong
I’m where I belong
So my friends and family
I say so long

Don’t cry for me
Don’t say I wish I would’ve ?
Don’t pretend to be hurt
I was alive
Not one word

I am gone
I’ve gone home
I’m sorry I left you alone
My life was lonely
When I’m gone
Don’t cry for me

When I’m gone play my song.
When you see the things you’ve missed
You could’ve took a second my friend
Don’t say oh he  was a good guy
You had your opportunity
So when I’m gone
Dry your eye
You had the opportunity and you don’t get to cry

Why me?

I set here and wonder what I did..
was I bad?
Was I supposed to do that?
Was he supposed to do that to me?
Am I gay?
Why would he pick me if I wasn't?
Should I tell someone?
What if they think I'm lying?
What if he tells them I made it up?
The thought of a man touching me makes me cringe.
I want to crawl under my bed and die.
I set here and have no one to wipe this tear from my eye..
Please don't touch me..
Please don't do that it hurts.
With every touch I lose a part of who I was
Please explain what I did.
Please lord I'm just a kid..

My loss of words say it all
My own personal down fall
As of now I've lost them all

No pretty words
No cool little saying
Just plain simple And true
My loss of words is my undoing

Good bye world
Good bye my friends
My time here is at an end

No more words for the poet
No more poems
No more life
As now I drop the pen
So long my friend..

You will not win

Day by day, minute by minute.
I gaze into the hourglass of life.
Peeking back at me are my fears.
It takes all my strength to hold back my tears.
All I've lost and all I've gained in this life of chess.
I set and ponder and I could really care less.
One day my pain, my fears, my constant life of doubt will be gone.
As I gaze into the pain I call life. I ask my inner demon to get the knife.
I cut to release the pain and let it pour out like rain.
One day my pain will be gone. One day I will fear no more, one day the screams will stop.. I set and I ponder ending my life. But I hold on cause doing that means they win.
Screams of pain in my head,I would love to end. But keep screaming that madness my friend because in the end you will not win..