Fingers through my hair..maybe even a little tug or two.
A soft caress across my face.
Lips upon mine..a fun war of the tongues.
Light brushs quickly on my chest.
Gently rub my behind and thighs.
Finding hot spot.
Pushing for that high.
Loving myself is grand.
Cuddling with my fuzzy pillow.
Pretending I'm not all alone.
Yes i can love me.
But I would rather let someone else
Share it with me.
I fell too fast.
Although from the beginning it was not going to last.
I reached out my hand.
Hoping you would grab on.
But left to just stand.
Alone once again.
You tell me sweet words.
But they really mean nothing.
You take me on dates..but its all just fake.
You Have work out of town.
But you don't call or text.
You let me fall.
And all I have is your word when you come home.
Deep down I know..but you make me feel like its all in my head.
Time to be strong.
Time to say no more.
Id rather be just with me.
For I hold that key.
It's 5am again.
I wake alone..but glad to sorta
I lay awake.
Either til 7am Or my little one comes to hug me.
They are learning to get ready on their own and be independent.
8am the bus stops and pulls away.
Back to my bed I lay .
Stay til the mail comes at 10 or 10:30..depending on the day.
Go to check it for any good news.
Again I lay.
Have i eaten yet?
I don't remember.
Its noon..I better get some grub in me.
So I don't fade away.
Let the dog out again.
Once more I lay.
Til four..Thats when my babies come home.
I make snack..dinner and talk to them about their day.
Wishing all these feelings were not in my way.
Wishing I could get back the hearing loss and it would stay.
Wishing the government would not take so long to tell me yes, you will get paid.
8 pm..Again I lay.
Closing my eyes to live this same day.
Depression. ..bipolar...reality really bites.
Am I really lost in this world?
Or has the world lost me?
Is this really real?
Am what im seeing true?
Yet it made no sense.
I am still me..its all i will ever be.
And that's cool whith me!
He wondered why I no longer wanted his touch.
That I no longer held for him lust.
No kisses or trust.
Just my heart full of rust.
Feeling like I got left in the dust.
All because his hand raised , came down on me and then
Leaves behind just a sad girl......
I walked away knowing I must!
This is not poetry,
and this is not heartstrings
playing sad lullabies
in the deep spaces of your mind.
This is not poetic;
this is not reading
stanza after stanza
wanting to know what's at the end.
This is not rhythmic,
nor sensual, nor smooth,
nor is it flowing like words should
from the tongues of those
that know which words to use.
This is simple.
These are words
that make sense
without peaking around corners
or hiding behind luscious similes
or over-used metaphors
and out of touch symbolism.
If this is not poetry,
I refuse to dub myself
and will continue on,
but write prose instead.
© Shane Leigh
"Smile" he tells me.
Especially around him.
After spending so much time with narcissists.
It's kinda new.
To smile..to laugh.
He grabs my feet and tickles them til I'm laughing so hard that im almost screaming.
I am more peaceful and have such a good time dreaming.
But ..yessss. A but.
He will move on some day.
He has told me he will not stay.
He has big goals and plans that do not include me.
I will enjoy the moments he gives me.
The way I feel so free.
How I can just be me...
Although the tears sort of fall.
Im still having a ball.