So keep writing,
Even if it hurts.
Because even in those moments of pain and hurt
You are feeling, and healing, and moving.
Pick up your pen,
and write.

It hits me in the happiest of places.
My past echoed through people’s honest comments
Through his kindest smile.
When he’s half asleep and he tells you how in love he is.
I'm getting so good at moving on.
At not thinking about you,
But when I walk by a customer who smells exactly like you I can't help but stop and stare.
I can't stop all the images that race through my head.
All running back to you.
Your smell, your sound, your presence.
And I find that even in these moments, you are gone.
And I'm doing exactly what I should be.
Remembering you in bits and pieces, while moving on.
Mending and making something new.

Don’t tell me this is how it is now.
Don’t tell me thanks when I say I love you.
Don’t tell me that I don’t do enough for you.
Don’t tell me that I do not care.
Don’t tell me I don’t love you.

I have given you the world.
I have sacrificed so much.
I have loved you with my entire being.
I have given you my all.
When will you give me yours?

Sometimes it’s so hard to breathe.
Like my lungs are filled with water and I’m drowning.
I’m drowning.
I’m drowning.
I’m drowning.
Please come save me.
Someone…
Anyone…
Before I am gone
forever.

I've had an eating disorder since I was 13 years old.
I ate and ate to fill the void I had, the intense abandonment and anxiety issues I was dealing with.
Then I came out the other side and I would take so many weight loss pills to make me sick and I took so many laxatives to make me have to run to the bathroom every hour.
I restricted my eating, counted my calories and I would go on 72-hour fasts.
Then something happened, I went on a mission trip and I was forced to eat food. I was forced to like what I was eating and I liked it.
Eating wasn't so bad. I wasn't eating myself sick and I wasn't starving myself to insanity.
When I got back I had gained almost all the weight I had lost and I was so upset.
But I didn't have it in me to continue to starve myself again.
I've gained a lot of weight but I don't care anymore. Now I just want to be healthy and love myself regardless of what I look like.
And you should too.

I wrote to you of all things I went through.
Things I’ve never told anybody else.
In hopes that you would see what I see.
I didn’t give you a return address.
I couldn’t risk giving up my location.
But I did give you a phone number that you refuse to call.
So if I see you again do not tell me that I gave you no chances.
I gave you plenty.
You were just too lazy to reach out and take one.
If we meet again I’ll tell you of all things I did without your help.
In hopes of you feeling guilty, and me feeling like I’ve won.
I’m just sorry that we can never makes amends.

It comes in waves now.
It's funny the kind of things that trigger it.
A certain word
A certain place
A certain smell.
Then it all comes flooding back in and you go back to that moment
You think of the things you should have done differently
If only you had known what would happen.
"If I had known I could have stopped it." You say in your mind.

But you have to remember that these things happen for a reason and what happened was not your fault and getting past it has made you the amazing person you are today.

It'll all be okay.