We lived for sparkle eye shadow that lasted through harsh thunderstorms and our broken-hearted tears. Claiming if the sparkles could make it, we could too. I never thought that the sparkles would outlive us though. They were just sparkles, after all, we put them on expecting them to work like glue, Glue that could hold your broken together just enough to make it through another day. But you can't expect sparkle eyeshadow to hold a friendship together. I had to wipe mine off at some point. I left the makeup remover wipe on the counter filled with sparkles, to let you find the glue that you needed.
You fell to the bottom of the sea, You expected me to save you. I told you I couldn’t. Sometimes you do everything for someone and it's still not enough. I didn't want to drown trying to save you because I knew, That we would have both ended up dead. At the bottom of the sea.
I didn’t want this. I didn’t want him to leave but he did. I didn’t want her to break me but she did. I didn’t want him to take advantage of me but he did.
What I wanted was a dad who would stay. What I wanted was a friend who would be there for me no matter what. What I wanted was a man I could trust to keep his hands away from me.
I am afraid of getting my hopes up. And yet I still feel saddened when people don’t come through. I’m so tired of living in fear. But my mind revolves around what ifs, And memories, And brokenness. And what if, when I try to think differently, and I get my hopes up, it’s all for nothing? And I am left alone again?
I didn’t know that you needed help too. Maybe if I knew then then things would be different. But the thing is, I still needed you. I needed you to be strong. To tell me it was it all going to be okay. That I would fall, break, get up, and climb again. I wanted you to tell me that I didn’t have to suffer in silence. But I suffered. And I stayed silent. I might be strong but I would have rathered had a friend.
I am slowly coming to peace with who I am. And with what happened to me. I still feel sad. I still feel anxious. Anxiety loves to sneak back in and push me around. But I'm trying to stay positive. Trying to keep an open mind. I know the sun will rise tomorrow, and I know that I will be okay.