By "it", you mean me.

Dear 12 year old self,

don't believe him when he says that he'll never leave again.

don't believe him when he says he'll be back in six months.

don't believe him when he says that you didn't love him anyways.

don't even think for a moment, that he is good enough to be apart of your life.

Just don't, never, ever again.
                                                                                                    Love,
                                                                            your 19 year old self

Sometimes I look at you. And you actually smile.
You smile like you don't know me.
Like you never broke my already shattered heart.
Sometimes, you laugh at the things I say. genuinely giggle.
Like you never stole my laughter,
And didn't give it back until weeks after.
But I knew that you were a train going full speed towards a cliff.
Why did I get so attached?
Sometimes I wonder what would happen if I smiled back.
Sometimes I wonder what you think of me years later.
I don't think about you.
Yet I decided to write this. About you. About us.
Sometimes I wonder if you hadn't broken my heart with five little words.
Sometimes I wonder if you had said to me,
"I love you."
Instead of,
"I'm sorry, I love her."

The darkness came over her at a very young age.
The age where a child should be happy… be free.
For she was no longer free, set in chains like a slave.
She told no one, how could she tell anyone?
Which became the chains of slavery  that little girl bore.
She longed, she dreamed to be free.
But held on knowing that it was the only thing keeping her alive.
But as months grew into years, as she became older,
the hope drained from her once green eyes.
There was no more hope.
She knew she wouldn't seem again, only in her haunted nightmares would she see his cold, lifeless body searching for someone to hold onto…
Something like her.
She cried.
She screamed.
Those chains kept her from innocence.
Those chains broke her, she couldn't be strong anymore.
Those chains kept her from love, kept her from trust.
She lay convinced that no one could help her, understand her, love her.
She couldn't see Me.
I understood what she was going through.
I loved her more than anyone ever could.
I tried to help but the grudge she had only kept Me away.
I knew she was angry with Me for taking her father away from what she thought was too soon…
She didn't know I took him up here.
With Me.
She only knew that I took him from her.
That's why she fought,
Why she hid.
She put on those chains hoping they would comfort her.
Too soon figure out that they made her feel worse.
Isolated. And alone.
She just didn't know that she would see him again very soon.
She didn't know those chains were drowning her in a life she didn't want.
I cried for her.
My beautiful child who just didn't yet understand.
She just didn't know how much she was loved.
Then finally she broke.
As I stood behind her ready to catch her broken soul,
I whispered into her ear, “I love you.”
Then out of the chains and into my arms she fell.