Nobody loves you when you're 66
           Oh, you can have plenty of ***
            To get you're fix
            And lust is available if you wish...
            But no one loves you when youre 66....

I was you're last resort...
  You're feeling drowsy now...
   No need to talk.
You tipped me upside down..
Don't you remember?...
Cascading in all you're glory.

Spilling onto the carpet,
Shovelling me into you're mouth..

You washed me down
With a bottle of water..
I am round to touch,
I don't smell or talk,
All white, and there are many of me..

Shhh... the ambulance is coming soon...
Maybe next time I will succeed,
For I am a bitter pill to swallow...

" But why did you do that to me?"l cried..
             " Now don't get truculent,
               Was you're reply...
               Just give me the facts...
              I hear you say.
              " or by god I'll make you pay"
               But you were very cunning...
                You covered you're tracks.
                Always aiming for my arms or back.
               Thank god you never blackened my eyes...
               But then...sunglasses are always the perfect disguise.
                        I'm sorry, forgive me
                        You sob in my arms
          You're little boy lostlook and deadly charms...
                           I can't resist you,
                           I'm a fool to myself,
                           How did this happen?
                           It must be a dream...
                                   Oh god
                  I'm falling apart at the seams.
                                    

I'm a cheap hotel room
                   With a story to tell
                    I look pretty shabby
                   And I'm not very well
                    I'm used and abused
                    My paintwork is old
                   The owner keeps the heating low
                        And I'm constantly cold!...

                        My tap in my ensuite
                      Monotonously drips
                     I'm fed up with the couples
                   Who use me for naughty day trips!
                     They scuff up my skirting boards
                          And trample on my bed
                        They lounge in my armchair
                         But it's the children I dread!


                     I'd love to be modern
                  All streamlined shiny- new
                  Please tell my owners
                    As they haven't got a clue?



           My windows are grimy
            And my carpet too
         Oh!.. don't go into my toilet
          As there's a crack in my loo!
            

           I want to be boutique
          Urban and cool
         With french windows, verandah
          Leading down to a pool



        But , alas, l am a sad little room
        Like a rose that has blossomed
         But now.. lost its bloom....

" I've got the keys to the shop"
                  As I dangle them in you're face
                " l think the changing room
                     For ***....
                  Would be the ideal place!"
                 We have  an hour to ****
                 Before I open up the shop
                 " we need to crack on "
                    Before it's 9oclock!
                "Well.....get you're kit off"?
                         I say....
                  And I'll kneel on the floor
                  " we don't have time for anything more!"
                      5 minutes later we're arranging our clothes
           Breathless and giggling we go rushing out to the door
           Hoping know one knows!...

When you told me you'd phoned him
                  I held my breath....
                  How many years is it
                   Since steves death?
                   Twenty odd years now..
                     Yet it still makes me cry
                     We've both moved on now
                         And got on with our lives...
                                 You and l.
                     Who were both once his wives
                          Oh how he'd laugh!
                      As we get out the knives...
                           You still the" *****"
                          And me the " poor cow"
                   I wonder who's having the last laugh now?...

Allessandro, allessandro
           I want to tango...
        As you smoulder across the floor
          Allessandro, allessandro
         Let's make love tonight.
       Until I beg for more
Allessandro, allessandro
         Its you I adore!
        I am under you're spell
         Can't you tell?
        Allessandro, allessandro
       You know me soooo...well
       Allessandro, allessandro
     I hunger for you're kiss
And when you aren't with me
  It's the passion that I miss..
When you wrap you're arms around me
   And you hold me until dawn..
       A tangle of bodies
Are clothes strewn on the floor...
Allessandro, allessandro
   Its you I adore.....

With the tattooed angel on you're arm..
              You have plenty of swagger
                And lots of charm...
                  But underneath
                  There is a tortured soul..
                Put back together, but not quite whole.
                  A fragile heart...
                 That is torn apart
                      
                You lost both you're parents at 25
                Then you're brother committed...
                         Suicide...
                You're ex wife you found
                  In the arms of another.
              The worlds not kind...
                They left you behind
                And you'll never recover..

It was an ordinary day ,in every way
I made you your breakfast
But you chucked it away.?

Putting your coat on in silence...
You closed the front door
  I didn’t think then
I wouldn’t see you anymore
  
You went to the park instead of work.
At the end of this day
A mother would hurt..
For you would ****** a child
You’d studied for weeks
Chatting away to them
And giving them sweets..

Until one day.....
You could stand it no more
And you grabbed her hand
Then started to walk..
  
Your car was parked at the end of the road..
The child was content..
In fact quite composed..
But she would be of course..
As she knew you well..
Knew the line of you face
Because you’d groomed her so well..
She put her little hand in yours
Totally trusting
And so in awe..
  
The police car drew up
At the house by the park
Where a little girl was snatched
Before it went dark..
How many people were in the park today?
When a child was abducted
And taken away...

He stood at the door as he showed me his badge..
And looking back now..
Thought he looked rather sad..
“Have you seen your husband?
Do you know where he is”?
“ we need to question him?
“ urgently” you said..
“ he’s at work?
Why wouldn’t he be”?( l said)
“ and later he’ll be home
And I will cook our tea”...
“ what’s this about”?
I said...
“ what has he done”?
“ A child’s been abducted from the park today”
7 years old and tiny for her age..
“ we just want to question him at this stage”
( you said)
“ do you mind If we wait until he gets back?”
But by then you would have smothered her
In a rented flat..
Disposed of her body in a plastic sack
And driven away...
At the end of what started
As an ordinary day......

It was an ordinary day .. in every way
   I cooked you're breakfast for you
But you chucked it away?
Putting you're coat on in silence
You closed the front door
I didn't think then
I wouldn't see you anymore...
You went to the park
Instead of work..
   At the end of this day .. a mother would hurt..
  For you would ****** a child..
    You'd studied for weeks..
     Chatting away to her
     Feeding her sweets
Until one day.....
You could stand it no more
And you grabbed her hand
And started to walk..
You're car was parked at the end of the road..
    The child was content..
    In fact quite composed..
But she would be.... of course
As she knew you well..
  Knew the line of you're face
And how you smelt
She put her little hand in youres
Totally trusting.. and totally in awe...
  The police car drew up at the house by the park..
   Where a little girl was snatched
     But it was dark..
    How many people were in the park today
      When a child was abducted and taken away..
The policeman stood at my door
       As he showed me his badge
         And looking back now...
      Thought he looked rather sad..
   " have you seen you're husband"?
   " do you know where he is"?
" we need to question him"?
   " urgently" you said..
   " he's at work"?
    " why wouldn't he be"?
" and later he'll be home
And spend the evening with me"
    " what's this about?"
    What's he done?
  " a child was abducted from the park today
7yrs old and tiny for her age"
" we just want to question him at this stage"
" do you mind if we wait until he gets back"?
   But by then you would have strangled her...
    Disposed of her body...
And driven away..
  At the end of what started....
      As an ordinary day......

" got any gingers ger" you'd say
                            In you're crude Bristolian way
                             "City did alright today!"
                              Draught bass, skittles
                               Stilton, and port wine..
                               Were just a few...
                               Of you're favourite pastimes
                                You're woolly hat
                                And yer funky bike
                                 Oh my god
                                " what are you like"!!

I've joined a burlesque class!
     It's turned out to be such a laugh...
     In my fishnets and high shoes
     I practise my moves
        And strut my stuff to the groove...
         I bump and grind
         In a provocative way
        I wish the hour was longer
         co's I would really like to stay!....

Charlie's my name
             And snorting cokes my game.
              It gives me abuzz
              Helps me unwind
              Damaging my body
              And ******* up my mind
              It's an expensive habit
                  I wish I could kick...
              But the thought of acting normal
                Makes me feel kinda sick..
               I like the good life too much
           Fast cars, designer clothes and girls..
                 But  I'm madly in love
                      For now......
             With the girl with blonde hair....

I love a chocolate brownie...
               Their moorish and so moist..
               I have a sweet tooth..
               But it's brownies I like the most..
               The rich chocolate mixture..
               That melts on you're tongue..
                You've eaten 3already..
                Instead of just the l
                It's rich and seductive...
                With a hint of promise..
                And just hits the spot...
                Unlike the guy who's dumped me..
                 What's his name?
                 Oh... I forgot?....

The come and go man
    Catch him if you can....
       If you're quick enough
          You'll see him scram....
               Down you're stairs...
                  And out to his car...
                     And out of you're life...
                        Which means, "VERY FAR!!!
                           He'll take his wine..
                              Which he bought you..
                                                           As a gift
              Then when he's done with you...
                He'll leave you feeling ******!
                         Away into the night he goes...
                        " catch me if you can"!
                     He's the come and go man...
              Shouting " catch me if you can"!

Why is it such a hard thing to say?
            Let's face it...
       It's only a word at the end of the day...
             " are we an item?"
                 "Are we a pair"
             I want an agreement
              Now is that unfair?
              How long have you known me?
                 8yrs or so?...
                Surely long enough for you to know?
                 I don't want marriage
                    Or tie you down...
                    Yet I mention that "word".
                   And you're wearing that frown!
                      Regular contact?
                      A walk in the park?
                     The friendship is solid
                      And we do have a laugh
                      You're **** young and funny
                       And you make me giggle
                        Which is just as well..
                        That you like my **** wiggle!!!....
                                                   ­ 
















n

I am a cougar and I'm 65
     With a high *** drive
*** is sooo... exciting
   And I think it's here to stay...
I have to have my fix....
  There is no other way!
From 30 something males
Is the age that seems to fit...
  Young/ handsome/virile...
With bodies to match...
Hand me my fishing rod..
I think I've got a catch!!....

Oh David, oh David..
  I've got the hots for you
   Each time I see you're photo
I don't know what to do..
  You're only 39
And I am 62
     Please take me out
    So we can have a good time..
    I don't care where we go
    As long as I'm with you
     Kiss me touch me
   I don't care what you do
    I'm putty in you're hands
   And you know it, don't you?
   Ride me, smack me
  Tie me to the bed

Where there's champagne, a scented bath
And candles in the room
+ breakfast in bed....

She's Sussed us out now!

              The cats out of the bag...
                 Which makes me upset
                     And awfully sad.
                 Caught in a lovers tryst
               In a seedy little pub
                " very cosy" she sarcastically said.
                    As we're caught in the act!
                    We're as guilty as hell..
                        And that's a fact!
                    She turns on her her heels
                    And exits the room
                 The look on you're face
                    Is all gloom and doom
                     I burst into tears
                     Reliving the scene
                 Somehow it makes me feel
                 Somewhat unclean
              He puts a reassuring arm around me
                     And takes my hand
                          And says..
                    " l know this isn't quitewhat we'd planned"
                      " leave her to me"
                         I'tll be alright"
                    " I'll sort it"...
              Once I get home tonight"!
                   " well there's no need for you
                       To leave early now"
                           He said
                    " let's have another drink
                    And go back to you're place"?
                     " for a nightcap? I think"....

Ping! You've got mail!
          They come in all shapes and sizes
           Some fat, some thin
           Some that would make you're eyes water...
           If that's you're thing..
             It's not mine, that's for sure..
              " please don't send me any more?"
                I've got so many now I could paper the wall!
                I'm gonna get them framed..
                A talking point at parties
                 To name and shame...
                 Then I'll get my own back
                  By playing " their game!"...

" e're you alright ger?"
                " you've gone a bit green?"
                ( tell me I'm imagining this
                  And it's all been a dream)
                So far my thoughts on this trip
                Remain to be seen
              " well I'm off for a pint then
                If you're sure you're ok?"
                Nota terribly romantic start
                     To the perfect day!
                    He lurches down the deck
                    In his trainers and his coat
                    Eagerly intent on tipping
                     Draught bass down his throat
                    
                I wander  around the boat a bit
                    To **** a little time
                    Hoping later on....
                   There would be candlelight and wine
                        But I was disappointed
                           For later on he said
    "We'll use the cafeteria co's its cheaper there instead!
                   We sit down to eat our meal
                    On this unsteady vessel
                 Whilst watching you devour
                You're favourite  fry up special
                I've ordered mackerel salad
                Oh well when in doubt!
               Watching as you stuff black currant.cheesecake in you're mouth....
        " never mind luv.. don't you worry"
           " tomorrow I'll treat you to a ruby Murray"( curry)

                   Later we wandered around the duty free
                     And into the perfume shop
                    " it is our honeymoon " l say..
                       " or had you forgot?"
                     Then in you're loudest voice you shout...
                          For all the world to hear
                   " I'll a've that little bottle there
                               If it's not too dear?"
                        " happy now? You said
                            With that stupid grin
                      Direct me to the nearest hole
                         That I can bury myself in!!!!!arghhh....

" you're drop dead gorgeous"!
               I proclaim with a sigh...
           That handsome face, and a gleam in you're eye!
          Tanned, toned body, and strong **** thighs
               The apple of some mothers eye..
         Masculine physique and broad smooth chest...
               ( oh my stretch marks!)
              They look such a mess...
              6ft 3 in you're bare feet
             Face like an angel
              That would make you weep
               And even though I'm in my prime
             Oh boy! Am I gonna have a good time!!

When I saw you today
         I couldn't hide
         The feeling in my stomach
         Like a rising tide..
          Whether you noticed me
           I couldn't tell
           For if you did
            You hid it so well...
            In the beginning
            Everything was magical..
                Fresh and new
               A sense of anticipation
                    I never knew
                 On the brink of something special..
                     Who knew then
                What was in store for you and me?
               That the violence would have to end
                 And l would make you pay
                            You'll see...

                              

" do you like being single"?
              "Hell no"
            I seem to have lost my get up and go...
            What happened to my spirit of adventure?
                I dunno....?
              Do I fancy a bloke?
               Or a great night out?
               Possibly...
              Who knows?
                No..... a girls day out
                 To buy lots of clothes...!!

Everything's so instant now
          Technology is king
       If you wanna guy
          And you wanna play...
      You send a message
      Get you're reply....
         And you're away
        " hey ***"
        Says the message
        " do you wanna play"?

I've got a fungus!
       That's invaded my nails
      They've gone all green!!
      And it makes me want to wail!
        My sons weddings in July
         And I wanted to look so fab..
     But my poor little finger nails
       Are looking so sad...
       Two of them are looking very loose
        Like when you're 7 and missing
         You're front tooth..  
     But... gel nails are a girls best friend!
      So I'll still look glam
     At the wedding in the end!.

"All I want for Christmas is an action man you said"
                      But by the time I'd realised,
                      Steve was sleeping in you're bed!!
                      " with gripping hands and eagle eyes"
                        And muscular physique"... you sighed..
                        But you were very cunning
                       It took you just a few weeks!!..
                       You're sultry looks and ****
                       And strong muscular charms
                       That's all it took for you to win...
                       And hold him in you're arms!
                       It's been  a " competition"...
                       But all you've done is lied...
                       Though Steven thought it funny...
                       He said he had" two wife's"!..

" I don't like lizard mum"
                   Is you're plaintive cry...
                   As we go to visit you're auntie di's
                    " she always cooks liver and rice"
                    " dont be ungrateful, she's just being nice!"
                      " it gives me a break
                         From cooking a meal"
                         "Just eat up and smile
                           That's part of the deal!!"
                          It's a weekly ritual
                       That I grin and bear.
                       That's the price l pay for showing I care
                       " it's not fair.." " you don't care!"
                        I stare...you glare....
                     " but we don't like lizard mum!!...
                           " it's not fair!
                              I despair!....

I feel fat!
        I shouldn't have eaten that chocolate bar...
         So... that's that!
        What's that expression?
        A moment on the lips
        A lifetime on the hips
        Who cares it was yummy!
         And I couldn't give a ****!...

Ooh...l love Italian men...
      Who say "ciao bambino"
" please can I see you again?"
They flatter. with their patter
All the way to bed
    Where there's plenty of action
         And very little said!
        They speak italian in you're ear
        And tell you they wanna *******
         From the rear...
         When spoken in Italian
         *** sounds sooo... hot
          But when an English guy says the same...
           Sadly it's not.....hot!!

" l'm getting in a mood now"
                    " I'm in a mood " you glared
                   As you stomped you're feet
                   All the way up the stairs!
            " go and change you're school clothes"
                       " do it right now!!"
                   " you never tell jess off.. and she's a little cow!"
                   " right!... it's no tea for you tonight!"
                     " you'll go to bed instead!"
                       I wished l knew the cunning plans
                          You're scheming in you're head?
                              Then all of a sudden...
                             There's a blood curdling cry!...
                            As you decide the time has come
                                To teach the cat to fly!...

I dream about you sometimes...do you know?
Even though it was so long ago
But scars run deep
A repeating dream
With a continuous theme..
And you still looked the same
     You're perfect teeth
  And winning smile
But underneath you were still vile..
   You never forgave me...
      For what I did
      Reporting you to the police...
           For the physical abuse
           The split lips.
The fractures the bruises
  And the lose tooth
   Nights when you threw me out in the rain...
       It's surprising I came out of this
       Still sane!...
      I was very lucky
Escaping with my life
But now you've married someone new
   I fear for you're wife...
...

Love is a four letter word...
     I'm glad I'm free as a bird
     Whether it be lover, partner or wife...
      It simply brings nothing
        But trouble and strife..!
       Love is a four letter word
             What's that expression?
                      No pain,no gain!
              I'm glad I'm a sane person again
                     Love is a four letter word
               Love is commitment intrusion and hurt..
                       It also takes two to make it work!
                       Damaging emotions and draining reserves....
                        Yes.....love is a four letter word!..

I've slept with another married guy...
      They just migrate towards me...
        I dunno why?
         " we can't be seen in public"
           "Can I come to yours?"
           " just shut the front door
               And I'm all yours!"
            " do you have condoms"?
               I practise safe ***....
              " oh you're so romantic"
                 I hear myself say
                ( as you lick my neck)
                " do you like oral"?
                 " wear black underwear and heels"
                  " let's tie you to the  bed
                     And see how that feels?"
             Fluffy pink handcuffs
               And a blindfold
                I love the lot!
          You're like a school boy
                In a tuck shop!!......

Why are men led by there *****?
" fancy a **** love"?
Better make it quick!
   You'res or mine?
For a ***** and a kiss
A bottle of cheap wine
When you're ******
" l want you baby"
He whispers in my ear
With his hand down my pants
Off comes his boxer shorts
Oops... there goes romance...

I won't grow up... I never will!
  I'd rather live on a tropical Leland
With a younger guy and chill
Sometimes life serves up a bitter pill
I WONT grow up
I never will....

I looked down at the couple,and watched them intently..
        As  they sat on the sofa..
      I felt anxious,which was a new feeling l hadn’t experienced before..
    Why do I feel this rising panic and impending doom?
     I don’t like it..
feeling this emotion and looking down at the woman, l feared for her..
Suddenly the man was shouting, and lashed out,striking the woman hard in the face..l felt anger..l loved the woman..
  And with all my strength l ripped myself away from the wall
Landing on the man smashing him with my shards that cut like razors and stabbed at his skin tearing it...
“ that will teach you” l said..
     “ don’t touch her...she’s mine” .......

It started off with photos
              A bit of fun....
          A flash of *****, and a cheeky ***!
           But at the end of the day...
              You're still home alone
         They've disappeared into thin air...
          Off the screen, or down the road..
           You're left feeling unsatisfied
             And oddly sad...
              " the art of seduction?"
                 Or have I just been had??..

Mr kind
                              Mr flash
                              Mr pain in the ****
                              Mr course
                              Mr crude
                              Mr downright rude
                              Mr blunt
                              Mr cruel
                              Mr playing it cool
                              Mr fun
                              Mr stunned
                              Mr " I think she's the one"...

You're no gentleman
   You're an absolute disgrace...
Leaving me like a thief in the night.
  You couldn't even say goodbye to my face..
  You slid off the bed
  Like a slinky on heat
You picked up the wine
As you exited my place...
              You're a cheapskate a ***
           You're a *** with no name....

To all single mothers who did their best
Who shouted “have you cleaned your teeth
Put on a new vest”?
Who served them a meal,when they’d just like a rest!
Shined your shoes
And buttoned your coat
Unclamped you’re mouth
To put medicine down your throat
“Do your homework”
Is your usual chant...
    
When you’re tucked up in bed
I climb down the stairs.
Open a bottle of wine
I’ll just have the one?
It’s so hard sometimes
Being a single mum ....

" did you know you're a *******?"
                  With you're pale blonde hair..
                  You're film star looks
                  And you're fixed icy stare..
                 You're perfect white teeth.        
               And you're charming smile..
              You really had me fooled
               There, for a while...
              And oh how I loved you...
              God it's not fair..
             But when I looked into you're eyes
             There was nobody there..
            Mr lights, camera, action!
           " is my hair alright?"
            And we were only going to the pub that night!
           "Is that a spot on my face?"
            I hear you say...
          " do you think it will clear up on the day?"
            " darling what shirt do you think I should wear?"
              " quite frankly darling,..."
              l don't really care!!...

Please don't hit her.. I say a silent prayer.
As the three of us huddle up close on the stairs.
We're all in our night things all ready for bed.
Please god, he won't put his fists to her head.
Lindy is crying. and rubbing her eyes..
As we listen to the shouting and terrible cries.
Geri is sitting as quiet as a mouse.
As we three sit alone in that unhappy house.
As she taunts him,and goads him,and spurs him on.
" you're a ******* she says," do you know that john"
He shouts back and says that she talks utter crap..
Then it falls deathly quiet....
         As we wait for the slap!!

I think I'm a nymphomaniac?
             I can't leave *** alone!
               Whether it's text ***
                Or on the phone
                We're at it like rabbits...
                  In the bedroom
                   In the hall
            Varieties the spice of life
            I'll just take it all!
            In the garden
               In the lift
                Under the table
            On top of a cliff...
       It's an endorphin hit
         As long as I am active....
         And he's young and fit!!....

The fascination, of the younger male...
          Strong fit bodies
         Hearty and hale!
          Finely tuned physiques
         With engines that rev...
      And a whole lotta fun...
    When their sharing you're bed!..

Eye candy for every man??
        I think not!!
     You're house is ***** and span
Do you have any room for a man?
         Poor Pam..
  You're carpets are spotless..
     You're cooker pristine...
But asking someone
To cover their shoes?
   With plastic slip ons...
    Is the funniest thing I've ever seen!
      I'm not being mean
      But seriously? get reall!!
And Pam....
   Get yourself a man...!

Boy with the dark blonde hair...
All I can do is stare
From you're beautiful eyes
And masculine face...
You're sensitive fingers
You make my pulse race
Holding me in you're arms
You kiss my face
My face on you're chest
I inhale you're smell..
Touch you and lick you
I have a girl crush
... can't you tell?...

******* is like a drug to you're average male...
                Women just don't get it... but to no avail..
                It stares back at you everywhere you look
                In shops, online. And in glossy books it's women that" squirt???"
            And men with big *****....
            Quick pass the sick bucket....
           I'm gonna be sick!
         Milfs and babes...
              And men on men
        Come on girls now lets not pretend....?
         We've all sneaked a look
         When no ones around..
        Not much storyline
          Just a lot of sound!
         ******* and *******
           Squelching and grunts
      Women shouting... oh ****
         I think I'm gonna c..m!
          *** in the garden
            *** by the pool
       *** in the kitchen...
       Perched on a stool
     Secretaries,nurses
      School girls, nuns
        Actresses, gym babes
       Even prisoners on the run?!
         It just gets sillier
As the camera runs...
     The women staring blankly
Shouting " ooh" and ""ahh"
Filming every orifice
    Now that's gone too far!
      The world is a mans oyster
      He can pick and choose
        But if you're a woman...
         You know you're going to lose.....

Oh Sarah so sweet, oh Sarah so fair
          With you're languid green eyes
            And you're silky blonde hair
          When you hit town
          The boys better beware
           Short **** dress
            And made up face
            With you're punchy manner
             And feline grace...
            And that " oh so innocent"
                Look on you're face...