never was
was never
ever is
is ever
is now
now is

all i know
know i all
i all
all i..

iii



my neighbour in eilat
what an amazing chap
i wanted to know his story

but he was far too canny
so secret he
he was silent

the only thing he ever said
was never run
i had that feeling

so i went to consult with tom
storm clouds were brewing
he played the beatles

early stuff and after adjusting
his cigarette holder
would play mr postman

by the carpenters
in this hiatus
he gave me an odd look..

which kind of meant
go to dahaab  and
enjoy yourself

so i did
..

ii


the poor girl´s heart was broken
so was mine
so was every ones´..

anyone marry s..
i paid and we went in
the street
we bid adieu..

he back to his leaflets
and me on to denmark
i stocked up on metaxa
only the best for her

five star- i liked
the barrel..
in copenhagen
people were friendly

her name was ingar
i remembered
her boyfriend moved out
and i moved in

he gave me a sympathetic
look
that is where i first heard
tom waits

thank you ingar
but i just could not
**** all the time
yo had the warmest smile..

even my lost heart
felt the sun
when you smiled
from your ancient

reserves
so generous
burns me still
seared me till

dying
ha
bless
you..

i

a)


got to keep writing
o note to self
i remember my life
sleeping sand hard

concrete worse..
now i have a dicky hip
no surprise
i should have worked harder

and paid rent but the more
i worked the more drunk
i got
and i worked hardest

when drunken..
(but insane..)
so i took refuge in
reading


b)


the written word
became god
there is sanity
in tolstoi

i roamed with anna
but more transfixed
by bbd as he played chess
things looked darker

but by the waves
life is grand
war and peace
s you ran off with

i hope you are well
and realize by now
the gravity
of your offence


c)

i had to forgive you
because you had recently
married and now was
on the run..

and her brothers were hot
on your trail
you see for every corner
and the loud door

i should explain that s was desparate
for liturature
so for a brother
i lent him

peace when i was coming to the
end of war
and he swore
so he married

they were drunk
he said the party was on
war and peace..!
he knew her a week..

they had his passport
they had shotguns..
we got very ******
sorry,about the book

good man yourself
what a party man
o s you just wanted
to get married..

what an effing party
in this old fisherman´s cafe
on the sea harbour
we laughed...

stores cleared out
is it all a matter
of perspective
or shout!

in 1918 millions
dead from flu
after war that
slaughtered

millions..what
a what´s it
is man..?!
i am reading

the stand
by stephen king
i know it´s not
a good idea..

beaten by the machine
my heart wear thin
never fear wise hearts
there is always the sun

is it taboo to know
oneself?
rather count
wealth
or eat a twix?

think and breath..
and the remote
far away so
or take
a risk..

like the child telling tales
teacher regards us and
sniffs the wind-
(ask not for whom the bell
tolls..*)

a)

i


they nigh on carted me away
in some distant palmed bay
cashew fenny* and too much beauty..

(you know the way..)
it would have been a short fray
they left no exit free..

i was zonked and skinny
they were three
and tidy..

i eyed the nurse wearily
exotic the flora and tree
the birds- free..!

the people so politely
inclined
sands so dazzling
..

b)


so,i said
must be off
late for tiffin..

which
was
funny..

anyway she
laughed
and i made

like a blade
of grass-
blowing

on spring days
past the guys
and did not glance back..

ii

they had me cornered
i thought well,now,
i´m ******..!

i was naked
lsd..?!
lol..

but we british
we have a saying
never darkest then

before the dawn
and we introduced
tiffin..

how did we rule this
world
the biggest empire

this world ever
knew..
quick thinking


..

c)


in india this woman
this woman lay naked
awaiting my passage..

i near on tripped over
her brown skin one time
she was so pretty..


d)

i was twenty


e)

fenny is like poteen
or raki..i liked it
made from either coconuts
or nuts..a memory of my youth
..

it seems so la di da
but a poet is born...

when a youngster
top of the chess ladder
i lost the killer instinct
and seized the
white witch
that is prayer
through mother nature
or some magik
like young struck..

but i said bon voyage
to the logic
and gained the wages
of the curious..and was
the universe
all that was without
was within..
how we adored
the stars
my ma and me..!

but i can not find
my desire to win ever
again-(except
in a drunken brawl
that does not count..)
how i think my life
would have been
i threw the game..
but in that capitulation
was more thought..

maybe i was ten
may be i lost
maybe i won
well a draw
well with step
well to hell
can´t tell
won´t
will
bill and ben
spotty dog
..

the day of black and white
so much the better
was *******-

there was a quality of light!
what the butler saw
she squirming on the knee

laughing with silk stockings
bright!
champagne and cigar
a puzzled eye

in the key
hole
now the maid

now the hound
now her husband
now blood..

a lot for a penny
the beauty in tone
how is love..

how is the world with you?
round and flat too
a tear track or bugaloo..

or grey to greyer..
and bach
aire on a g..

easy to be
every breath
blue..

is it all a lie
and cripplingly
true..

dream or reality
come on down
or high..

this morning there was
a Kestrel in the agave
it looked in through my
window-
i don´t know why..

but i played it a tune on
my pipe
and then a chord on
the i st third and
fifth..

three blind mice
and an e major
on the guitar..
in semblance
of flamenco music..

ii

this after breakfast
i shared my daily egg
with tom-cat..
whilst reading a note
off a post card-essay-
page 353-the chymical
wedding by lindsay
clarke-from a possible 1264-
an attempt-a trial..

the way you walk is the way i walk-
numinous like insect talk..
the way you grip your fork
is the gods at work..

the way you read a book
makes me look and look..
you say the time it took
might as well -

the time you take to
complete a simple task
is a sojourn in hell
the way you sing

your hair is different
so is your skin
fresh like dawn
old as the hills..

no end
all to begin
each day
a new one..

i woke up in heaven
but fell asleep in hell..
during the meanwhile
my dreams cast a spell..

in your heart was woven
impossible to tell
love as an ancient
coin in a wishing well..

but you had gone!
leaving a tiny bell
that like your smile
began to swell..

in the morning called
a cacophonous knell
that you returned
a sweet kiss to  tell..

touch me anyway you will
for long i have been dead
to this stinking world
my brain is bread

my heart screams ****
my soul bled
my feet flat
my blood still

my eyes are oily marble
where worms already crawl
wisdom and knowledge
nil

can´t spell
all nothing
nothing all
until

touch me  anyway you can
for i am a mystical man
and i shall return then
your sweet caressing

ten time
who knows time
ah,shall you live
the moment
my  sweet harlot

beauty ******
sweet eternal
and together
ride universal

sweet lover..

how do i validate my feelings
(well really who cares)
a poet stood beneath ice
we seek justification

we seek reason..
but this christmas morn
i saw a a robin red breast
and in it´s eyes

no interest
only hunger
some irritation
and bare need..

it is the first
well it was
unquenchable
thirst

for son of god
cause
we looked to
the

changeable..
i will spend
time
(because
it

is mine)
in worthy
pursuit
of soulful

contemplation..
mostly the
sweet
eternal..

ii

and to the little birds
who sing high
in the agave
hallelujah..!

and to my guitar
a true friend
who continues
to give..

all through the
hesitant years
one a small
twig on great

tsunami
to live
attempting
some semblance

at happiness
as body and soul
gradually
falls apart..

iii

but generous heart
is
a tasty dish
a magnanimous
itch

best served
fresh
taken
in loving bite

with patience
and understanding
a little spice
faith

and wise
floss
less than
one´s strain..

whenever i think
about ever
or when

i consider
the surrealistic
i mean

when nails that
sucker
ever

a bit more
vague
so..

e
v
e
r

Ended
Virtually
Ending
Returns..

when?­

i don´t know if i can wait
i don't know if i can die
do i believe in fate
(life a lover´s sigh..)

i do try not to fear
my eyes unborn star
while outside rain falling
and leonard reads his poems..

i dream about you
dreamt about you
i dreamed about you
dreaming about you

how i loved you
how i love you
loving you
love

you
waking
woke
waked
wake..

i am not surprised to exist
but since your first kiss
i have felt like a fish
on a flowered dish

or frozen in a waterfall wish
dirt poor and rich
hid on heaven´s niche
some strange terrible

itch
burns an unseen hole
that you hardly notice
came as no surprise
born into this*

you said
or something as equally
trite
or kitsch and
fell into
drunken oblivion
b....!

the title of a biography
of charles bukowski

i notice if there was a constant
it was you-
you blamed me for your
madness
that was quite a recurring
theme
all  through the confusion
and excess
you were sure of nothing
but this
had you died then
and there
recrimination
on your lips
a raised digit
from the dead
it was my fault
not the pills or
the *****
not your taste
in pain
not your father
or mother
i was in error
not any
other
not even your
god forsaken
predictability
it was me
to the small hours
and on
number one
and why
when all
every other
was fine..
well i don´t know
but you do
there is something wrong
with you(me)
there is something
wrong
with me..
you..

go to a party with you friends
it´s  the details that will destroy
not some general mistake
like lead in the wine vats

like a crumb on your lips..

it is just those insignificant
when there is no mercy
two wires nearly fail
a rip that curls

the light on your hair..

it may all seem so
other world
but all of a sudden
some everlasting fall
brings me down

and your warm hand

it is so common place
so utterly bland
from brown to beige
and back to brown
small town

the fun in your eyes

i can´t be fussed
to cussed
go even to some
wilds party
change my socks

but you are my star dust

the ******* rain is falling
like the gods are *******
i was good at dancing..

ask anyone
some took exception
but when one is young..

sort of a fred astaire
dee dee
on lsd

sometimes i was lost
and hid in the toilet
sometimes the moon

on the sea
the scented breeze
i thought god loves me

must be
why doubt
i felt the moment

and understood it´s
cost
soon be gone

choice was paltry
stars are falling
because

stars were born
there was strange days
but not strange

as these
so before
and after

before it lapses
into
meaningless twaddle

and perhaps
forget
everything

**** my pants
shriek
and wail

beauty is still
beauty is true
beauty is me

beauty is you
beauty is
beauty..

the ******* rain is falling
after a summer in pain
i see your face cracking
and out plops your brain..

i scream a happy warning
i am color blind
oo what a winter coming
i will be kind..

j,vhjmhn

as regards free speech
a hoary old chess nut
why pick on chess nuts..?
you get my point..

perhaps better to remain
silent
live in a donkey hut
peace with in reach..!

i wish i were antonio o!
winding the hills so
into and out quilted to
the excited children know

the distant three wheel echo
of imagination -blue and yello
pop ups and quietly through
the sun rising finger drew

across a blinding line anew
a love to page them do
and don´t..lo!
antonio!

in his biblio!
run promises blow
like a wizard´s brew
come all to know..!

iii

weakness
loch ness
gone west

are there
aliens
in

our midst
we
monkeys

with
typewriters
wish

were
we
fish

strength
h­eight
width

breath
in
out

time
space
birds

words
why
bother

ii


lily the cynical
that explain´s all
nothing explains all..

some brick wall
silence a wail
an ill..

an empty fill
better will
for a while..

a quiet chill
a church aisle
a full sail..

seagulls
tell
wildflowers
bell..

a swallow´s tail
dales
hail

ail..
ai
a

i



did you know lily
it is impossible to think
in english

logically
that is
difficult

but not
impossible-
eg

to be has 21
distinct meanings
and every one

false to fact..
(what ever
that means..)

answers on
a ciber
postcard..

i


lily with nothing
i take her and enfold
she slides down
and nestles so

a purring kitten
shy and bold
space blown
to everything

a nodding
seed sown
from end
to germinate

from floated
distant spoor
to knocking
death´ s door

off distance
to near
wild core
and here..

ii

ii


i have bewitched her..exclamation
but for the better
now a pur
echo´ s there

now relief´ s astir
once lost for
before
here

quiet
too quiet
and quieter
ah..

a great sigh
bare
stretch love
just a last breath

just
an eye
close
..

i

music is space
when that is
then we are
happy stars

like lace
or a kiss
hear soar
inspire

some lithe
gaps
a blithe tap
and fire

in but between
near
and far
pat

pat
pat..

iii


silence
i preferred
above all
else

i thought
words
superflous
a curse

want to be
emotions
best kept
private

better
be silent
and feel
like a wheel

like the
universe
or beautiful
verses

wild flowers
seagulls
bees
a breeze

hindu kush
hushed
smoke bush
peace..

i


(foretell or predict
and issue edict..)
an eagles flight
a witch´s *****

a pigeon´ s eye
circle´ s wise
a lost sigh
by and by

bye and bye
my lovely..

ii

o dark wit
foul it
hate t
i

frogs left
nut
cut
rain blood

stir and high
a swine´ s cry
lord of flies..!
up dark wiles

raise and heft
from cold flame
come forth
grace of evil

thy will
be done
forever
and on..

iii

left and about
tight to reversed
death and birth
to up and earth..

before master
white appear
red here
near and

nearer..
great fire
from sand
to blood..

dust of bat
curse at
fear
hear..!?!

howling and
wild
o bile
comes sister

comes brother
call ruler
of
all..!

once our auntie mable spake unto me
they, unbeknownest, would hang me and then
she so riddled as to the whys and when
as faith, chaff me not,and i will tell thee
child,tis but a sin,to ask,verily..
for i was only a boy.. nine or ten
or so in truth for i have forgotten
but that which remains in my memory
why..and transfixed by ruby drops of wine
that cascaded from off  her lily white chin
as she drank and ****** in lost residues
as the last **** and the barman calls time
as it seems that such loss has turned to wine
in vino there is love and veritas..

a


i like to rework old poems
lily
(i am lazy..)

after all
what is reality..?

just a load of moments
this barbed fence

a thorny ball
a burning lens

a *** note
what is it

lily needs her
morning coffee..

b

but work is work
and love is

indefatigable
some seagull

dissecting blue
skies
wild flowers

outside my
windows

all the seasons
change
change

to stay the same
summer rain

living
dying

sparrows
singing

happiness
circling..

a

auntie mable said to me
said they would hang me..

coming from wales
and poetically placed

(her lilting prophesy
common amid family..)

b

i was bemused at the time
we sat in the bar..red wine

dribbled off her chin
she ****** back in

hang me why
she knew not why

why is a sin
why is a sin boy..

i will write
three poems
today
it is my women´s
birthday
she is 59
same as me
we met when forty
she worked in the cafe
we and her eight cats
hit the road in my ambulance
we went up and down the coast
i guess we see many things..

we snuggled the winter into
spring..from little white village
and endless sparkling beach
to the touristy places and this
******* river beds..mad dogs
the dusty cacti and hoopoes..


we see lots
early morning dips
bright stars
bright surf
lots of churches
time enough
lazy days..


(and now 17
years on
we go
where has
the time gone..?)

i could have
done with a
little purpoise..

mostly, i felt
like a dolphin
sniffing mines..

but also not
a whale of a
time
tried not to carp

selfish
shellfish
eel pie
high

be off
cod
leave
love..

i am grown an
extra head
the ten thousandth
grand

says lily but
petite
stay in
caustic

sand
i will knot
some
cotton

sew a
button
knot´s
keep

wicked
on
it´ s
toe..

i had a wish
but better than
nothing..
i had a dream
a long kiss..
cut my heart in

two
too
to
t

me
you
i woke
to everything..