I am sitting
in the living room
of our family home.

I listen to the stories of
happiness and sadness,
success and failure,
love and hate,
hope and despair
and the never ending support
and suffering of the women
who lived in the house.

I am grateful
that my mother
is selling the house.

she plays the piano
thoughtfully
rationally
concentrating on hitting
the right notes
there is no passion
or joy in her playing
the only thing that matters to her
is playing the piece
from beginning to end
without any mistakes
I am watching her
waiting for the moment
when the music
will capture her soul
and merge her body
with the rhythm of the song
at this point
she and the piano
will have become one
and mistakes
will no longer matter

will she
ever
be able
to write again
or have
his words
finally
destroyed her

I am
crying
but you do not
come

I am
screaming
but you do not
hear

I am
calling you
but there is
no response

so I decide
to go out
with him

they say:
you are what you read

I must be a hopeless romantic

why are your poems so short
he asks

my answer
a smile

misty sky and wind
mountains enveloped in clouds
sorrow fills my soul

You should live
in the here and now
he said.

This will make you
happy and relaxed
as the past can
no longer hurt you
and the future
has yet to happen.

When he gently
kissed my face
I understood
what he meant.

Vienna
music
happiness

she checks
her phone
expecting
to see his reply

she does not know
that he regrets
having written
to her in the early
hours of the day

she thus keeps
checking her phone
hoping to get
his response today

sunshine
you
perfect

she looked
at me
with joy
knowing
that she
had finally
become
invincible

fixing her gaze
on the flame
of the candle
she begins to
dream

it is always
the same dream

she is the heroine
who every time
miraculously
ends up with
mr right

she blows
the candle out

she puts on
a beautiful dress
brushes her hair
and leaves
the house

she has decided
to stop dreaming

I could stop
and do something else
but I carry on
as I lack courage

bees and butterflies
sunflowers and lavender
happy memories

if I understood
what makes you smile
I would give it to you

tomorrow is the day
you left me

on that day you told me
that you had to go
because you did not want
to disappoint her

on that day I listened to your words
and could not comprehend them
and when I saw you leave the house
and thought it was a dream

today I understand
you had stopped loving me

run
run
don’t miss
the train

smile
smile
forget
the pain

I sit next to you
but you only see her.

I am talking to you
but you only hear her voice.

I wonder
should I stay or should I go?

trees covered in snow
fleeting images of peace
stillness, hope and warmth

up - down
hope - despair
up - down
hope - despair
up - down
hope - despair
the never ending
rhythm
of her life

it does not matter
what they say

if they say
you are crazy
smile

if they say
you are a dreamer
smile

if they say
you have lost touch with reality
smile

if they say
you cannot write
let your words flow

You have lost your creativity
he says
looking sad and disappointed.

I have only switched my focus
she responds
looking happy and content.

you
me
chaos

birthday
presents
celebration

as I do not understand
what you want me to do
I decided to do
what I want to do

that is
an off-the-wall idea
he laughs
and leaves
the room
unaware
that his comment
encourages her
to continue

black
white
harmony

cook
share
enjoy

dark night
she cannot
sleep
her thoughts
are like
a spider’s net
trapping
her soul
no escape
from the
never ending
question
she
cannot
answer:
when will
it be my turn
to find joy
in what
I do?

Smile
she said to me
before
she ran away

How
I ask myself
before
I follow her

why is helping her
not good for her
he asks in despair

I feel sorry for him
as he cannot see
that helping her
destroys her growth

rain
rain
fun

I hate you!
I love you!

I hate you!
I love you!

I hate you!
I love you!

I hate you!
I love you!

When will their game end?

I know
you hate our home town
but I love it

You see only pain and darkness
and death
when we walk through the narrow streets
but I see joy and brightness and life

Why are we so different

dark clouds and thunder
heavy rain and ice cold wind
hope for something new

I came
because you are
from my country

I came
because I love
the sound of the cello

I came
because I needed
inspiration

I like walking down the streets
when it is dark
and every lit up window
tells a different story

here lives the young couple
who are having their dinner
every night at the same time
they both seem to work long hours

in this room a family
watches television
they do the same every day
nothing seems to disturb their rhythm

through this window
I can see a little boy playing with his train
he smiles and watches the carriages
going past fast and purposeful

here an old couple lives
they sit quietly on the sofa
they do not speak
and seem to listen to music

this is the window
that is always dark
I wonder if nobody lives here
or whether they work during the night

now I can see my window
which is brightly lit up
my black cat is sitting on the table
waiting for me to come home

you are as old
as I was
when you get married

will you also be
as old as I was
when you get divorced?

I want to learn Chinese
so that I can understand
what he is saying to me
she sighs with sorrow

Her sadness confuses me
as I have always believed
that the language of love
can be understood
without learning

I do not need you
you do not need me
it is time to depart

chocolate
wine
coping

I see the poet
sitting on a stone
crying

I sit down
next to her
and begin to listen
to her sadness

I have not seen you
for a while
I have not heard from you since
you last wrote
I have almost forgotten
that you once encouraged me
now I am ready
to make the move
but I cannot tell you
as you might have forgotten
that we could have been friends

I try to remember what you look like.

I have only seen you once
accidentally passing by
when my thoughts were occupied
with grief and sorrow.

Soon I shall meet you again.

But will I find you
amongst all these people?

leaves are turning red
birds are on their journey home
distant sense of joy

listen
understand
smile

I am on the train
tired but reassured
as I know that soon
you will hold me
in your arms again.

tomorrow
anticipation
hope

walking down the streets
many people here today
searching for their dreams