happy
sad
yo-yo

You made me smile
And lifted my soul to heights
Previously unknown to me
You made me think the thought
I had not dared thinking before
Until I realised
That you only love men

red, blue, yellow
mixing colours
painting dreams
everything is possible
in my wonderland

why do you
attach
all these labels
to me?

foreign
middle-aged
cis
childless
divorced
heterosexual
jobless­
dreamer

is it to conveniently
exclude or include me
whenever it suits you?

This is a beautiful train journey
Green meadows
Silvery sea
Blue sky
And yellow sun

It was not like that two weeks ago
When I was on the train
Looking forward to seeing you
Then the meadows were brown
And the sea was black
The sun was hidden
And the sky was crying
I know now that they were anticipating my pain

When I look at the moon at midnight I am reassured.
I sense your presence even if you are not here.
The light of the moon unites us
and I anticipate the pleasure of listening to your voice again.

You say to me
if I do not stop
looking at the dark side
I will never be in love again.

So I decide to turn my head
and look at the bright side.

When I look into the mirror
with my eyes closed
I can see you
standing next to me
strong and purposeful.

I lean my head
against your shoulder
and feel safe and secure.

But when I look into the mirror
with my eyes open
I am all on my own.

she looks at the shell
and wonders
…
how many people
have walked past
without noticing it
hurrying through their lives
chasing other people’s dreams
…
she stops
smiles
and decides to be different

you
me
harmony

daffodils
spring
awakening

majestic mountains
red boat floating on the lake
happiness for me

skies are grey and dull
sipping coffee on her own
heavy heart and soul

oh happy day
she sings
and arranges
the yellow flowers
in the pretty glass vase
next she sets the table
two cups and two plates
cutlery and serviettes
a jug of milk and a bowl of sugar
a teapot and the cake
that she has baked
especially for today

Tiredness and loss
Darkness, wind and heavy rain
Hope is just a dream

“Good Morning!”
She smiles.

“Good Morning!”
He frowns, irritated that
he was disturbed when tweeting.

You wonder
why she left you
for a drummer

Could it be
that she likes music
and you do not

red and yellow leaves
geese and swallows flying home
time for me to go

I am sitting in the café
in the pretty old town
drinking violet tea

I am cheerful and smiling
because soon you will be here
drinking violet tea with me

he told her
to revisit her past
as this would help her
to reignite her creativity

he promised her
excitement, happiness
and the thrill to create

but when she went there
all she could find
was boredom, sadness
and a desire to give up

y
e
s

I am
crying
but you do not
come

I am
screaming
but you do not
hear

I am
calling you
but there is
no response

so I decide
to go out
with him

I am sitting
in the living room
of our family home.

I listen to the stories of
happiness and sadness,
success and failure,
love and hate,
hope and despair
and the never ending support
and suffering of the women
who lived in the house.

I am grateful
that my mother
is selling the house.

deep and green water
seagulls floating quietly
who will make me smile

you are so
different today
I do not see
desire in your eyes
but resignation
and a sense
that things will
never be the same
where are your smiles
and your belief that
everything you touch
will magically transform
I am sad as I  sense
that you are
anticipating the end

it is late
and I cannot sleep

I thus decide
to stay awake
and not to worry
that it is late

why
can I not
follow through
on things
she asks

I remain
silent
hoping
somebody else
will know
the answer

happiness at last
dancing in the rain and mist
smiling at the moon

she does not write
he is concerned
her words had given
him pleasure
a sense that
he was not alone
her sudden silence
intensely saddens him

I sit next to you
but you only see her.

I am talking to you
but you only hear her voice.

I wonder
should I stay or should I go?

hot
passion
more

I cannot sleep
I am counting sheep
1, 2, 3
you are with me
6, 7, 8
I am not afraid
729
you are still mine
I am counting sheep
I cannot sleep

sleep
he
says

I am not tired
she
responds

making bread
helps me
to connect
with myself

kneading the dough
tells me
that persistence
is key
to achieving my goals

taking the bread
out of the oven
is a ritual that tells me
that all will be fine

hopeless
he said
watching her
paint

she felt
his disapproving
gaze
and froze

You have lost your creativity
he says
looking sad and disappointed.

I have only switched my focus
she responds
looking happy and content.

why are your poems so short
he asks

my answer
a smile

will she
ever
be able
to write again
or have
his words
finally
destroyed her

swallows flying low
red sky and mighty mountains
calmness now brings love

I like dancing, singing and laughing.
Moving my body makes me happy.
This is life, this is pleasure.

You just sit in your chair
and quietly watch me.
I can see that you hate
my life and my pleasures.

days are getting short
trees are changing colour
cosy is my home

I try to remember what you look like.

I have only seen you once
accidentally passing by
when my thoughts were occupied
with grief and sorrow.

Soon I shall meet you again.

But will I find you
amongst all these people?

Vienna
music
happiness

should I stop writing
the poet wonders
would it make a difference
if I did something else instead
could I then help to make
the world a better place

that is
an off-the-wall idea
he laughs
and leaves
the room
unaware
that his comment
encourages her
to continue

misty sky and wind
mountains enveloped in clouds
sorrow fills my soul

You should live
in the here and now
he said.

This will make you
happy and relaxed
as the past can
no longer hurt you
and the future
has yet to happen.

When he gently
kissed my face
I understood
what he meant.