When I look into the mirror
I see a woman
I do not know.
I try to understand her.
What makes her happy
and what makes her sad?
I would like to know
her dreams and her desires,
her secret hopes for
a life full of joy and love.
What are her plans?
Does she have any plans?
She is a stranger
shrouded in mystery.
I wonder if I will ever
understand her.

I am longing to be loved
But you seem to hate me

I am dreaming of tenderness
But all you can give is pain

I want you to smile at me
But you just turn away

I think I am not the right woman for you

You say:
I do not want you to change
how you write
because I or anyone else is a reader

I say:
I want you to change
how you read
because your mind expresses concerns
your heart would not know

looking at
the lush green trees
she weeps
as she fears
that the world
will be less green
for her grandchildren

green trees
green lake
green tea
you and me

red sun
red sky
red tea
you and me

white hills
white paths
white tea
you and me

Sometimes when I am dancing
in my flat
I sense your presence

You hold me tight
and our bodies merge
to the rhythm of the music

I know
you will be here soon
and I turn up the music
with joy

You say things to me
that nobody has said before
your words are different
and make me think
your narratives meander
through my heart
they touch my soul
they make me smile
and yet I know
that you will hurt me

she is beautiful.
long black hair
dark skin
and a captivating smile.
her black dress
highlights her slender figure.
with her brown eyes
demanding his attention
she tells him
about her work.

he sits opposite her
relaxed and attentively listening.
he asks one or two questions
but most of the time
she is talking.
he seems disengaged.
only when I look at his eyes
can I see his burning desire.

knowing
that you
were reading
my poems
irritated me

knowing
that you
are now not reading
my poems
has not changed
how I feel

morning
sunshine
hope

I sit next to you
but you only see her

I am talking to you
but you only hear her voice

I hold your hand
but you long for her touch

I realise
your heart is still occupied
and all I can do is leave…

you have left this world
sad and mournful are my thoughts
raindrops cool my face

When you say
you love me
does it mean the same
as when I say
I love you

Calmness is descending upon me
contentment is slowly taking over my heart
my soul expectantly opens to the future
as happiness appears on the horizon

They say she treated you badly
Taking advantage of your kindness and love
I understand your pain and anger
But I do not understand
Why you make me suffer for it

red leaves
yellow leaves
gently swaying
in the wind
dark blue sky
golden sunshine
a perfect
autumn painting

candles
cakes
cosiness

she can hear the bell
striking twelve times
another day has passed
with another opportunity missed
she cannot sleep
and wonders
if the same
will happen today
or will she have the strength to do
what she should have done
a long time ago

Why are you always
Looking at the dark side
You ask with a smile

I do not know the answer
As your smile
Is like sunshine to me

whatever
I attempt
is discredited

whenever
I try to help
I am pushed away

if whatever
I do
is wronged
why
am I still doing it

I want to paint
but I have no colours

I want to write
but I cannot find my pen

I want to sing
but I lost my voice

I want to run away
but I do not know where it is safe

So I do nothing
and everything stays the same

black nose and pink nose
green eyes and blue eyes
black coat and white coat
short hair and long hair

curiousness and playfulness
sleepiness and calmness
liveliness and eagerness
Kurotan and Shirotan

smile
she said
and picked up
the broken cup
a  smile can mend
whatever is broken

I watch the two lovers
sitting opposite me
in the café.

He:
tall
grey hair
an air of power
and importance.

She:
small
long hair
looking up to him
with admiration.

Lost in each other’s gaze
they are holding hands.

Why does it unsettle me
that he
is wearing a ring
and she
is not?

have I done
everything
wrong
she wonders
seeing
the displeasure
on his face

as she does
not know
the answer
she decides
to write a poem

why did it take me
so long
to realize that
for me
we are us
but for you
we are you and I

cat
dog
us

yesterday
rushing to the train
the train is late again
waiting for the train

today
rushing to the train
the train is late again
waiting for the train

tomorrow
rushing to the train
the train is late again
waiting for the train

I am seeking
but I cannot find.

I am passionately seeking
but I cannot find.

I am desperately seeking
but I cannot find.

Do I know what I am looking for?

warm light of candles
heavy smell of cinnamon
here is home for me

apple and mint tea
white cat sleeping on my chair
no need to worry

she sits
in her comfy chair
looking back
at the year
and sighs
what holds me back
to do the things
I yearn to do
what paralyses me
when I decide to change
well worn habits
what sabotages
all my plans
carefully designed
to improve my life
she takes a deep breath
hoping to find the answer
to all her questions

music
mountains
Austria

waiting for the day
when all the leaves are coloured
expectation of joy

think
decide
do

for her
the spotlight is
on the moment

in the brightness
of the moment
she cannot see
her past
nor anticipate
her future

for her
living in the moment
means happiness

I have always loved my sister.
I love my sister.
I will always love my sister.

I have always worried about my sister.
I worry about my sister.
I will always worry about my sister.

I have always laughed with my sister.
I no longer laugh with my sister.
Will I ever laugh with my sister again?

she feels strong
she is happy
she is celebrating
that she has crossed the line
gone beyond convention
and followed her heart

“Good Morning!”
She smiles.

“Good Morning!”
He frowns, irritated that
he was disturbed when tweeting.

I like looking at your eyes.
They say eyes are the mirror
of a person’s soul.

I can see love, passion, caring
and tenderness in your eyes
and a desire to explore
the joys of life with me.

I know
you are the right man for me.

why do you
attach
all these labels
to me?

foreign
middle-aged
cis
childless
divorced
heterosexual
jobless­
dreamer

is it to conveniently
exclude or include me
whenever it suits you?

he told her
to revisit her past
as this would help her
to reignite her creativity

he promised her
excitement, happiness
and the thrill to create

but when she went there
all she could find
was boredom, sadness
and a desire to give up

I watch her
carefully disassembling
her life.

Every facet of her life
is looked at and
stripped down
to its essentials.
Nothing is left untouched.
Everything is assessed.

When all the pieces
of her life
are neatly laid out
in front of her
she smiles and begins
to assemble
a new and better life
for herself.

man
woman
deceit

beach
ice-cream
holiday

I am alone
in a foreign country.
Where are
my friends?
Where are
my pleasures?
Where is
my happiness?
Why am I here?

end
beginning
midlife

we have to go back
to normal
he says

do you mean
my normal or your normal
she asks

she wonders
what she
might do
if she had
no fear

she thinks
hard and
concentrated
taking her time
to understand
her deepest
desires

after some while
she smiles
picks up
a pen and
begins
to write

why
can I not
follow through
on things
she asks

I remain
silent
hoping
somebody else
will know
the answer