she listens
to the bell
striking twelve times
after the last stroke
she writes down
her resolution
for the new year:
to be true to herself

You sit at your table
Glass of beer in front of you
Gazing at me with desire

I sit at my table
Glass of wine in front of me
Wondering about your desire

What is holding us back from making the move

On Sunday I showed
my son the land
he said.
I took him to the woods
that our ancestors
had planted
so that he would learn
what he was part of.

I listened quietly
and wondered
why I had never learned
what I was part of.

MORNING:
Run to the station
Buy ticket
Buy coffee
Jump on the train
Find a seat
Fall asleep

EVENING:
Run to the station
Find ticket
Buy coffee
Jump on the train
Find a seat
Fall asleep

she woke up
in the middle
of the night
and realized
that she had
to leave him
if she wanted
to regain
her untroubled self

sitting on the bed
worrying about sleeping
dreams can be so bad

what present would you like?
grandmother asks
a model railway
the little girl says

not a train!
grandmother shakes her head
you are a little girl
what about a doll?

It amazes me
how happiness
is slowly taking over
my soul

It makes me calm
and gives me strength
to wait
until our paths
will have finally crossed

red
yellow
autumn

plan
action
success

you can
do it
he demands

I can
do it
she responds

why do you
not do it
impatiently
he asks

I am not
encouraged
invitingly
she smiles

I want to make
a difference
the poet said
and began to write about
love and acceptance
understanding and caring
encouraging trust and support
and a commitment to help

They feel sorry for me
Because in their eyes
I am a woman
Who has been thrown away
By her husband

What they do not see however
Is that I have picked myself up
And I am now free
To welcome the man
Who deserves me

festive busyness
smell of cinnamon and warmth
happiness returns

Why did I spend the night with you
Against the advice of my inner voice

Why did I trust your narratives
Without even knowing you

Why did I think that you would give me comfort and love
When my heart begged me to be careful

There are no answers to such questions

you
me
one

it is my birthday today
she says
and wonders
what that means

angry storm outside
warmth and comfort in the house
waiting for the change

Why do I care
when you do not

Why do I cry
when you just laugh

Why do I leave
when you want to stay

Why am I concerned
when you are not

Why am I confused
when I am with you

yesterday
you said
you love me

today
you leave me
forever

tomorrow
you will lie
in my arms

I do not
understand
why you smile
when
everything
seems to go wrong
I say

I know
that
things
will change
she answers
and smiles

she picks up
her phone
and reads
his message:
darling,
arrived in Shanghai,
hot and rainy,
busy schedule,
can’t call every day,
see you
next week

she sighs
and wipes
a tear
from her cheek
as she remembers
smelling
the other woman’s
perfume
when he kissed her
on his return
from Shanghai

What is age
the little girl asks.

Age is an empty number
until you fill it with
experience
dreams
ideas
and happiness
her mother responds.

I want age
I want age
the little girl sings
and hugs
her mother.

I like the way you look at me
Kind and tender and loving

I like the way you touch me
Full of passion and desire

I like the way you hold me
Strong and tight and purposeful

But I do not like the way I meet you
Always in my dreams

snow
tea
warmth

green leaves
bring hope and joy
signs of renewal
and pleasures to come

You were everything to me
my past my present and my future
my joy and my happiness
my hope and my desire
my belief
that life was worthwhile living

And then you left me

Yellow is my favourite colour
she says
pointing to the yellow sofa.
It reminds me of the sun
and happy holidays in Italy.

I hate yellow
he responds
walking to the black sofa.
It reminds me of a cake
and unhappy times.

Sitting on the yellow sofa
she looks at him
sitting on the black sofa.
She knows she has to make a choice:
yellow or black.

his
mine
ours

I need to change
but I do not know how

I need to change
but I have no courage

I need to change
but I have no vision

I need to change
as I am not happy

night
anxiety
awake

what is it like
passionately kissing him
she wonders
and longingly looks
at his lips
is it like eating
ice cream at midnight
or more like accidentally biting
on a jalapeño pepper

Seagulls gliding past
Golden sunrays touch the sea
Mournful weeps my soul

she takes
a deep breath
straightens
her body
and stands tall
I can do it
she smiles
and makes
the first step
to begin her
new journey

green, clean, ice-cold water
running over
white, round pebbles

always the same
and always changing
just like my life

I can see
how angry you are
because you believe
I always let you down.

How can I convince you
that this depends on one’s perspective?

I think I shall ask you
to trust me and
to change your perspective
so that you can see my true intentions.

night
sleep
healing

Sometimes when I am dancing
in my flat
I sense your presence

You hold me tight
and our bodies merge
to the rhythm of the music

I know
you will be here soon
and I turn up the music
with joy

You say
I can speak without restrictions
and encourage me
to go beyond my fear

I say
nothing
as I do not want to disappoint you

Those were happy days
you said
when you showed me
the photograph
I can see the sadness and anger
in your eyes
and the desire
to go back into the past

she sits
at the window
watching the birds
fly past

why can I not be
as free as a bird
she sighs
longing to spread out
her wings
and leave all
her sorrows
behind

she sings
she dances
she smiles
as she has heard
from her friend again

she cooks
she bakes
she makes coffee
as he will visit her
later today

she remembers
she dreams
she imagines
as she is looking forward
to listen to his voice again

When you say
you love me
does it mean the same
as when I say
I love you

When I look into the mirror
I see a woman
I do not know.
I try to understand her.
What makes her happy
and what makes her sad?
I would like to know
her dreams and her desires,
her secret hopes for
a life full of joy and love.
What are her plans?
Does she have any plans?
She is a stranger
shrouded in mystery.
I wonder if I will ever
understand her.

You say:
I do not want you to change
how you write
because I or anyone else is a reader

I say:
I want you to change
how you read
because your mind expresses concerns
your heart would not know

she is beautiful.
long black hair
dark skin
and a captivating smile.
her black dress
highlights her slender figure.
with her brown eyes
demanding his attention
she tells him
about her work.

he sits opposite her
relaxed and attentively listening.
he asks one or two questions
but most of the time
she is talking.
he seems disengaged.
only when I look at his eyes
can I see his burning desire.

I am longing to be loved
But you seem to hate me

I am dreaming of tenderness
But all you can give is pain

I want you to smile at me
But you just turn away

I think I am not the right woman for you