my nights are spent alone
I find myself more at peace
when I speak quietly to it
some nights
sleep finds ways to elude me
other times
my pillow can hold me like my mother
I can dream four dreams a night
and remember them as one
I like to pretend my guitar is a diary
and the stings my pen
I imagine pictures of you dancing on clouds
so far away from my bedroom
it is small
you are just a crush
and I now know why they call it that
I now know why I sleep alone
and why I no longer talk out loud

he sits at a wooden desk
with a candle
and a thought between his teeth
he has no room for
the pictures
caught in the wrinkles of his bed sheets

outside
he can hear the howl of the moon
and the creatures
that dwell
underneath its sliver skin

he opens the window
to let in the rain
that holds
between its fingers
damp cloths

and the pain of her
is carved
in the side of his desk

he climbed outside
to be
another
black figure

in the rain he howled
and ran like an animal
scaring the forest
the trees

bites his tongue
as hard as he could

wipes the blood off in the grass

peels back the sorrow
from his dark skin
as the rain
clean his bones

he climbs back though the window

in his room
where he is cold
and wooden

my tears are not gods
they're not gallons or buckets
but just a few kept in a vile labeled with your name
my tears are not measured by pain
but happiness
you give this black shrouded existence reason
in photos we are juxtaposed
our faces fit like puzzle pieces
your vary beauty blinds me
white lights stretched across patterns of blue and gold
your skin is like soft flower petals
lightly caressing my forearm
I tremble so hard it gives me heart palpitations
your eyes are as intense as fire
you burn the hair from my flesh
leaving me naked and fearless
standing in your wake
you engulf me like the ocean
in your shadow I can not breath
I feel as if I'm washed up on an island
you picked me up and held me
crying like children in my arms
I pushed back the hair from your eyes
and told you:
*I will always be here for you

o sweet irony!

your voice
like ***** melting on skin
has cold-clocked and castrated
me into a submission
and I'm losing pieces of my heart and lungs
the only things that seem to be
keeping me
alive

to fill these voids with love and cigarettes
is to fill with joy and destruction

if death is the answer to life
aren't these things keeping me alive?

o sweet irony!

I sat at the table  
with a bottle of liquor
and a poetry book

outside were the wolves
dancing around a fire
I went to join them

bottle in one hand
book in the other

reading these poems amongst the fire

the wolves are speaking
strange tongues
I cannot understand them
tried to speak
nothing comes out

I read on

the poems twisted
spun hugh circles in my arms
they spoke to me
I understood them

it started to rain

when the wolves left
they leave behind the ****** bones of mice
scattered like a message

I was still there
legs burning
back cold

bottle in one hand
book in the other
eyes closed

the hunter carried me back home
set me on my couch

drunk and confused
through my book
dropped my liquor

took a knife from the drawer
cut the words from out of my belly
you drowned in the slurs
so did I

swallowed the knife
spoke of god
and went to bed

awoke at dawn
cold
and naked
and amnesic

come with me tonight
to the lake filled with tears
we have nothing to fear tonight
god rests his head on the moon
he watches us
we can sit and stare and be alone
it's ok tonight
because she is as heavy as we are
I've been heavy
still trying to find what it means to be light
I have nothing to give
all I've ever had was lost
and we can be everything tonight
it's ok to be alone
as long as night still hangs on us like a coat of sorrow
like empty water glasses
and we carry the tears back and forth
not spilling one drop
carry your tears like bestfriends
they do not care
nether does god nor moon
nor the black or the stars
be lost my friends
and come with me this morning
under dawn filled hilltops
like oceans of blue flowers
let go of all you know
let the bees not find ways to sting us
shake us like ghosts
shake our rib cages filled with beating hearts
shake our teeth like spilling library books
all we've ever known were colors
let us count them
I bet you I know what blue looks like
I bet you I can show you
just close your eyes
tell me what you see
tell me the sky was bluer then the one last week
I'll tell you what my hands say
they can play music and cut vegetables
on good days they can hold other hands
not always their own
but these last few months I haven't had some good days
we're still friends but we haven't talked
haven't carried my tears in water glasses in years
I'd still like to
maybe I'll fallow you tonight
as long as you will still call me a man in the morning
well... maybe another time
maybe another time

a world made of dreams
and only to those it seems
overwhelming

a child crys, an infant dies
and we only care about
celebrities

blond hair and blue eyes
makes a perfect messenger of lies
for those who see the ties

connected at the heart
but we are man so we tare apart
all the ties that bind

divide and conquer like Neopolitan
separate and three
black, white, and strawbarry

confusing is the world and all that live
understand we can't, trust we do

make a hole in the pit of your soul
then show the world what it can do

seen many things I have not
been many places I have not
so many things ahead of me

and as I watch myself slowly kneel
I say *life is a gift for the sadness I feel

today I met the devil
we had a cup of tea in the garden of mysterious shadows
he showed me the world through the visions of dead flowers
I watched as the sun killed the last ******
then buried him in the cold soil
his bones rose out from the ashes of hate
laid down beneath the sliver lining
and sang his daughter to sleep
I wounder what it truly means to love someone
to see your little sister tired
and carry her up stairs to bed
only to fine that she'll still love you in the morning
this world turns circles in my stomach
I'm so dizzy that I can't even stand on two feet
hate is the next morning when all you get are dry heaves
and this world is full of alcoholics
I stopped to take a look at whats buried underneath this house
what foundation holds up the four corners of my life
and see what I truly stand for
but the answers are as twisted as my smile

this window is a television
its rain drops tell me stories
like the time we spend all day inside hiding from the clouds
finding the truth in magic on my bed
this window is a television
changing channels with every moving house
the sun came out to blind my way
making the rain drops open doors to locked places
trying hard to forget
looking for peace within my music
I digest these beats like fresh milk
making my bones stronger
so they don't shattered and break at the hands of these memories
I find myself not being able to control the way your hair looks in this light
the way we stood there and held each other
until I had consumed all the sadness that you had bottled
then you left me there drunk with pain
stumbling back home
I see my heart like broken glass laying on the ground staring back at me
these shards hold deep memories of your skin
I watched it crumble to dust and float away in the breeze
this window is a television
these rain drops glistening from the sun
reminds me of the mornings in December
I wonder if anyone else understands its beauty

I didn't notice you coming towards me
or looked your way when you sat two inches too close
but my heart exploded like a fire *******
when it felt that electric pulse you gave off
I lit up a smoke so fast
purple zippo
red heat
you grabbed my hand and lit your own
and with a cloud of smoke
you said
*I've dreamt about you
I had a flower in my hair
you had on these yellow sneakers
ain't life funny stranger?

I held my hand up towards the wind
the birds danced around each finger tip
singing their songs
like tears and shivers
it crumbles all around me
my heart turns gray
lingered on your beautiful music
I was the thundercloud
drifting through rain
feeding myself by the handfuls
I was at the corner of you
standing in the middle
when the world came to a stop
I screamed out to you
wishing you would say anything to me

my soul is heavy

he is carrying an anvil on his back
stretches over it

on the vibrating night street
we take my car to a dance
called everyone and their souls to the dance floor
shake these electric spines
heavy

pretend like they don't know what's happening
fill the room on sweat
and heat
open the doors
let the water fill these streets
cleanse them

let people see what we are doing tonight
pushing our egos on sweat
out from our purple and blue skin
breaking the walls
shattering the bones

dance until there is no such thing as dancing
only us
the black clouds and soft stars

read all that I am
I was nineteen years of broken glass
careful not to touch me

be careful not to let the night know
you are scared of her

careful not to let go for too long
you might not find your way back to your bedroom

know that all we ever had was ourselves
and the people who are not watching the way we move
but the way we hold our rhythm
the way we let our souls be light

In the night she walks like thunder. Bleeds like orchestra.
I was a bowl of fruit. With trembling lips. Waiting for
the taste of plums. I was eating knives by the spoonful.
My belly was full of dust. I was collecting veins
with my arms as round as blood. I am placing them
in a vase fashioned out of planets. I tied bottle rockets to stars.
You caught my hands as red as oceans.
But your eyes. They are smooth diamonds.

******* it felt good on the days you were happy to see me. Once I thought I heard you sing me a love song, and meant it, but I guess I was mistaken. I've been trying to fill these empty spots, so my heart would no longer have to hear you leave me. For all the ghosts that waltz in my bedroom, this is for the time we tried to break our walls. If you ever want to know what it felt like when you left, just ask. I'll try to hold back my pain like a shotgun shell, but don't hold it against my love when his finger slips, he just gets so nervous every time you're around him. And I didn't mean to explain myself, but I've been having knife fights with my emotions, and cutting out wind instruments since the moment you left. If you've ever wanted to know how it felt when you left, just look at my eyes. That's not holy water you see but a man letting his emotions free.

this world burns like fire
it burns memories deep into your veins
making everyday harder and harder to forget
that we once loved somebody
but they turned away
they left us like the sun at dusk
bring with them the night because we all slept in
and when you open your eyes I hope you look
stair long and hard at the monsters before you
see the father who wants to **** the daughter
see the *****'s next **** victim
see this world burn
and its last extinguisher has ran out
I would speak up but these days I'm forgetting how to talk
forgetting what it means to even be human
but always reminded of what I need to be
and as I look upon these charcoal black hands
I notice pieces of me peeling away
exposing my flesh and bones
until nothing is left but what I was when I was born
placed into these shoes
to burn with the rest of the world

he stairs into the soul of the creature that stands before him
he listens to the quite whispers but hears the screams of angels
he looks into the ***** of the goddess, far past the chest, into the heart
he sees the light of sunshine, the warmth he knew but was never shown

he waits for the right moment of light where he can see the shine of her eyes
he loves that everyday is a gift just to spend ten minuets with her
he believes that one day this goddess will set him free from the prison of his mind
he longs to touch the skin that taunts his wondering eye

he dreams of one day showing the world just how much he loves her
he holds the peaceful beauty that rest's her forehead upon his lips
he feels the gentle rhythm of the heart beating against the chest
he knows how much that heart pumps for the one that she dreams about

he accepts the fact that she harbors love for someone else
he understands that he was there before he knew beauty's name
he lets go of the one that he holds so dear to his heart
he closes his eyes and nods off into a world where she and him live happily ever after

in the fields I hear music
the night holds within me something deep
as if I've forgotten how to smile
sometimes my back hurts
the sun rests on my shoulder
some day's he's too big for me to carry
other times the days feel small
and flat like a quarter
tossed into the air
we leave bad and good days to chance
in better days
I've kissed pretty girls under neighborhood bridges
the amber sun at dusk
is even more beautiful glistening off the trees in the shade
walking by the apple trees
we eat their fruit
god hums to himself loudly
my hands clinched tight
he looks down on us
so confused
our fistfuls of rage
we sing in key with them
in the fields we hear that music playing
and still to this day
it leaves us speechless

I handed you a flower
told you
this is my whole body

you planted it in the garden
around your lungs

and pretend like it didn't have the same name
or sang the same songs
the same ones I use to sing

on the nights you try not to hear them
it still makes you ponder
on how much
those flowers still haunt you

or how little
you wish you would sing
out loud...

your eyes
cut me in two
split
just below
the rib cage
all that I am
spills
on to the floor
like scattered sheets of paper
written in
my terrible
half-child
half-god
gibberish

I could feel the pulse of daylight  
becoming louder and louder

not knowing which way to look

her burning field
reminds me of my childhood

and how I would sneak out of the house
to live like the foxes

my father did not like this

I still stay up late
and pretend to hear the shadows

they are cold and quiet
and dance across my walls

I am cutting out pieces of my brain
to grow you an orchard of pomegranates

when the seasons come
eat the words that I have given to you

plant the wisdom in your belly
grow fields around your heart

and take away all these headaches

you gentle beauty
with eyes of piercing amber
cut through the night like a knife
you quite gem
with no need for backdoor dusk bathed sun dresses
your naked skin shattered windows
to let in the rain
so hard you came falling
like to touch you would brake me
would you organize my organs?
or the thoughts I never spoke?

dream with me
and dig those nails into my spine
draw a sliver line
between me and that dreamlike warmth
spread that rib cage wide
and let me inside
that o so feeble heart
beat beat beat my head in two
until I find no use for the words I speak
or this body that quakes
when you're so near mine

you smelt like pears
your eyes were rivers

your soul was the moon
watching over the night
we breath in and take shelter

I walked into the fields
found a moon shaped rock
and carved you a heart
you wore it round your neck like a diamond

breathing only the air
we laid on soft oblong shaped couches

you laid on me
our hearts beat like drums

I kissed your neck
you taste like peaches

she sleeps
the moon was her mother
telling her bedtime stories
and I
was a night light

let the monsters slip
back into the imaginations
and we shall sleep

tonight
god holds us like blanket

the white sheets warp you like a ghost
I was her ghost
her light

shining only to love her
only so she can sleep
again and again and again
peaceful

that she was

her dreams
they cry
but she still breaths

undisturbed
though she maybe

I am holding on to something
strange and bright
heavy yet dark
I cannot recall what it is
or if I can
let it break me
clean my dusty bones
my broken ribs my shallow smile
I close my eyes
as tight as seeds
grow a field with my dreams
my fears are crows perched upon a fence
she was my scarecrow
at night
I let her hold my heart
it is small
but too big for my body
she sings to it
songs I know but my mother never sang me
never held me and never told me
son, one day you will be a big man
one who can lift city's and people  
one who shall write poems
and love a girl like it was the last thing you ever do
cause it is
cause all you've never had is love
when it was all you've ever wanted
and was all you've ever gave
and this heart is small
but he hands away his beat by big handfuls
never wanted it anyway
never wanted the dreams
but they do come
come by threes
by the backs of dead star dust
like billows of black smoke
swallows me whole
buries me alive
the sky was a graveyard
and the stars were the tombstones
she wakes me from the nightmares
my palms like rivers
I cannot hold her
she puts my hands to her chest
the beat was ever so bright
heavy yet dark
*my body is not a coat of razor's  
you can hold me
just try

you are the one that I can hide inside of
you're the only place I know where I can get away from this world
and you shield me from the nightmares that are enclosed in it
the ghost of your heart lies soundly in my belly
and every time I look in your eyes it hatches into butterflies
then lines my belly with silver

when I touch your skin your body shivers
I rest my head upon your shoulders
whispering into your ears, gently singing love songs
in the midst of your eyes I feel small
but I feel as if I could touch the moon
but I cannot touch upon of who you've loved before me

or if you even love me at all

for I have never told you
your skin is as soft as a rose and your heart glows
glows inside the darkness of my mind

I don't know of any other place to go
for your life has purified me
and I'm still trying to find my way back home

because I cannot hide inside you anymore

come into this
breath the night
hold me close
your static bones give me electric shivers
my spine kisses you back
hold me close
come into this

the thunder cried sadness
over the walls it echos
moved across the sky never to be seen
you are here with me
hold me close, come closer
come into this

lights painted the room
you dug yourself deep into the cavity where my heart was
you would have stayed there until morning
but my cat let you in
the light patter of rain enclosed our body's
it sang you to sleep with its lullaby
you held me close
we didn't see the stars but we felt them
looking down
holding us close
we walked into this
breathed its night
we are the thunderstorms
and nothing can hurt us
you held me close

I awoke in the morning
found drops of water scattered across my window
they filled with dawn
shot a rainbow across my chest
I looked towards you
you smiled back towards me

the world was a pop-up book
and I was a child
sleeping in the sun

these shadows still hold me
but somedays
I can still hum out loud to myself

I can not tell you or show you these dreams
only sing them
so loud
that on good days
I lose all thats left of my voice

I still am struggling
to hear what my insides say
and pretend that these ghosts don't shake me
so I can learn to talk to people again

and as the music comes
to rip these ghosts from my body
I still remember how I could once talk to you

tell you my dreams
my fears
let them speak and scream and breath

find their way
from out of these shadows
and into the sun
so bright

we sat on a bench next to an old couple
who's probably been in love forever
we walked in the grass
next to people walking dogs and little kids catching frogs
and I felt just like those kids

I felt innocent and vulnerable and I didn't care about anything
and those butterflies could have carried me for miles

I looked at her eyes
I looked at her shoes
I looked at her lips
I felt all the blues

I wanted to grab her sides but I didn't
I wanted to hold her close but I didn't
I wanted to tell her I love her but I didn't
I wanted to show her how I felt but I didn't

we laid in the grass with the wind blowing past
through the trees and past our knees
and I knew this wouldn't last
we listened to music with the sun shinning just right
I can still remember that window of light
and still to this day if I hear the right tune
I sit and pray and hope for the moon

but I don't want to think here alone in the dark
for too long I've been here, for too long I've stayed
for too long I've sat here and always played

played the songs that no one will hear
wrote the letters that no one will read
wrote the poems of my imagination
because through these words my heart does bleed
bleeds and breaths
and all I wanted was to show the world

because we all want are imaginations to be real
and feel the things that we wanna feel
and believe that are dreams could come true
and show the world that we feel more than we show
it's true in me and it's true in you

now I see her with a whole new life
and every time I do my heart corrodes
every time I do my heart explodes
I can't look at these eyes anymore
but when I do I drop to the floor
and only in my brain is where I see myself
going insane
removing from the plain

the plain of myself
and the plain of my soul
but I remember back and my life was not dull

so I say
thank you for the time
thank you for the rhyme
thank you for showing me that this world is still wonderful
and everyday is a gift
and everyday is another day that I can say

*I was there *******... I was there

I thought when I watched you the clocked stop
I was only breathing too hard
your bony fingers are around my heart
if feels so good to feel them there
they are cold
but I will make them warm again
I wear my skeleton like a spider
or an ant
touch my back
my body is an electric fence
the ghosts of the sparrows that flew out of your mouth
only know where sunsets grow
we fallowed them to the trees
where they are skinny and bare
and their roots are as cracked as ours
I was holding your hand so gentle
I thought that I was going to lose you
I was whispering to your ears
telling them not to worry
you thought I spoke in madness
it was only my smile
that magically tricked you into loving me
my magic tricks are a musical garden I tried to grow you
but the sun never came
neither did the rain
one night you tried to not let me see you crying
but I knew you did
cause your heart stung me like a jellyfish
my hands
are still raw and numb from the sorrow
but I know that you had forgiven me
when the bleeding finally stopped
I still haven't shown you the scars
but I was only speaking in madness

of nights beating heart
and eyes that peek through the shadows

of world and people to love it
just to feel the sun

the days gorge themselves on water
and hold back black rain clouds

to breath the warm sky of life
and days that make hands time couldn't read

to look away naps
as we escape them from our dreams

I saw you pass me by in your lonely-star state
and I thought if I ever had time to say anything to anyone
now would be the time to tell you

why you would ever want to collect dust in a place like this where all things
and dreams are swept out the door at night in place of the lies and hostilities
we all feel during our shift to keep watch of strangers and best friends,
why you would think of responding to me still baffles the shy kid inside my
oddly shaking heart while he's standing next to you asking
if you would please just dance with this broken toy and you did without
question or reason, you just took me and shook me and reminded you
of someone you still think about on the days when you feel lonely
and the people here just don't sing the way I can or meet your eyes
in the hallway where I'm trying so hard for you to not touch me
yet you are trying to graze my chest ever so subtly that everyone seemed
to notice the smile on your face or how quickly it left you
when that criminal came waltzing in, holding your emotions hostage,
knife to your throat, heart knocked out of wind when all you had to do
was ask me how to breathe again, why you would ever want that
still makes me wonder.

I have a back porch made of sunset's
when the sun sets he leaves behind golden traces
I tired to draw pictures with them
hold its small life
breath its warmth like nothing ever before it
sigh in the relief that there's so much to look forward to
lay in the grass
let the moon wash over me
fill me with its beat
its rhythm
I will dance with it
cry into it like my pillow
she is soft and wet
I have long fingers gentle enough to touch you
I am afraid
still feel like the body of a ghost
let it hold me
show me where god was
dawn creeps over the horizon smiling
its smile was sacred
mother earth knew what she was doing when she made you
just another child
I will stand on my tip-toes and try and touch you
but im scared of what you might think of me when I do
so I won't
if this makes you sad then im sorry
sorry for all the aching hearts
for all the dreams ever planted in the hands of life that never grew
I am sorry for this
if your heart can scream loud enough
maybe theirs will begin to open
close your mouth with me
gently push our egos back into the nights they were created in
find the sleeping giants to tell this to
if god can't hear us
let our hearts beat louder
walk into my bedroom with me
lay upon my bed and place your head on my vibrating rib cage
know that the night loves this
I choked on the songs I tired to sing you
couldn't breath
but I was only ever standing in a hallway
to scared to walk down it

I'm constructing boxes made from your beauty.
Inside them placing broken music boxes. Inside them
im placing feathers. You opened my heart,
like it was a locket. There is nothing inside it.
There's a hole in my heart, and nothing inside it.
You dug a hole to bury it.
When you dropped it into blackness.
There was only wonder--and no thud.

I haven't felt in days.

Forgetting to set fire to hoops I jump through.

Thoughts of you like clouds of smoke on the horizon.

Never catching that sunset.

And you Night, so feeble.

Your womb is the only comforting thing I remember.

we lay like dirt
sitting peacefully under the dark night that sits heavy upon us
where the last star shines for you
we sat until our souls grew grass
and the hungry bugs came to feed upon our dead leaves
then our blood bleeds black unto the rivers
our grounds grew moons
which we climbed upon
reaching high into the sky
then plummeting into our oceans of blood
covering our body's in the darkness
feeling all the things of being alive
washing away all the bad memories that linger in our minds
waiting for only one scream to show everyone we have fears
and fingers open up my chest like a book
shaking the black beads of water from my skin
reading me like you read the bible
with my last passage saying
God is an angry child
I wiped the last drop of black from your face
staring deep into eyes that have made me dream since the moment I saw them
dreaming up wild conclusions of the end of the world
then the rain pored upon our heavy breathing chests
I touched your cheek
your face was icy cold from the cool wetness of the air
and the rain washed over us
discarding from us all our confusion
letting the feeling of discomfort wash down the empty streets
where we once walked upon writing are memoirs
and standing there after I burst into a flaming pyre of remembrance
I held your head upon my hand
trembling at your vary beauty
not knowing weather to stand or to kiss your lips
with my mouth opening and closing
opening and closing
until the darkness of the sky and coldness of the air began to snow
snowing like it would never stop until we've met
until I grew so tired of bugs that I scooped them up in a jar
and the crows that perched themselves upon the fence
swooped down and swallowed the whole jar
flying back into the night
we made snow angels that took hold of their shape
and blazed right into the sky
snatching up the crows
covering them whole until they burst into cylinders
then fluttered down like ashes
melting away all the snow
all the pieces of our souls were placed back into the earth
exposing the nights street
where mine and your lips finally touch

I sat in the damp grass underneath the full moon
looking up at the stars wondering how small we must be to the atoms in my fingernail
then the spiders awoke from their long sleep and began to glow blue
the sight was unbelievable like the falling of the first snow
the glow from the spiders lit up the night floor like the moon lights the sky
I crawled next to the spiders and scooped one up in my hands
Hello little spider, what's your name? - Boris.
Boris, I like that. Say little spider, can I ask you something? - Sure
Why do you glow? - We all glow, not just us spiders
but we spiders know how to show it
we make webs like painters, paint, paintings
we eat flies so we don't die like you eat cows to become fat
we love like you only we die because we only need one pure moment of love to be happy
then we are eaten, so that our children can be fed, so that they can live a better life then the one that I had
I sacrifice myself for my children
we glow because we want to show the world we are beautiful, not monsters.
Boris, we don't glow because we are the monsters
we paint these paintings because someone else has already painted them
and we feed off the cows because we want food we don't need
we use people for love because we only want a little thing I like to call ***
you **** for a cause, we **** for the enjoyment and the pleasure
we're the monsters, Boris, not you
and this world, Boris, I'm still trying to understand
trying to figure out why this world spits on you for trying
why every time we learn something new we have to better than everyone else
because in are minds we are programmed to feel that being better then other people is cool
and that being better looking will get you more women
and being better at guitar will get you more money
Boris, we are creatures who squander our ability because the media is looking for the next big thing
we play songs that other people have written and say that we have talent
but even you can see, Boris, that we take life for granted
and I believe that a child's drawing is better then any artist
because at least it's creative and not diluted by what the media calls cool
and their minds are pure and free and not concerned about what's cool
because they're to **** concerned about the colors of crayons
and their egos are not measured by the tears they shed
Boris, I'm still trying to slow this world down
and not forget what it means to be a person
to be free and let my fingers rest upon the girl I don't want to leave behind
so I can have her for just a little bit longer
but I must be going Boris for the hour is getting late
and when I lay my head upon the tired hands of dawn
I shall look for my glow in the morning
*Goodnight

he held the sun
cupped in his hands
peers into a hole
made for gazing upon it
its heat
is burning
blister on his hands
all of his life
now smells
of burning flesh

the thinker
thinks away his time
pondering his oblivion
now covered
in sliver hairs
running rapid like sliver foxes

wishing he held
in his hands
something
a little more smoother
more soothing

now that his eyes can no longer see
and his hands can no longer feel

I did not ask you to forgive me
only sit with me in a field

sit with me and pray

watch the black grass turn green
morning sleeps on the other side of the river

you notice the soft feathers
of the swallows

you fallowed them alone
found fields more fit for prayer

my hands are bleeding
I shall leave you messages
on the white rocks
so you may find your way back to me

I hope one day you'll read them
and know

I still have not forgiven myself

Paige was a story
she has black ink over her arms
drawn there by her little brother
who does not know what permanent marker is
who has no questions about life
Paige was not only a story
but a book
that she writes in every night
spills her heart
like a cup full of water
she has small thoughts
she thinks
never wonder  
what it's liked to be hugged
but always got the same question in return
where will I go
when I no longer have this story
no longer have this poet in my heart
who keeps me up at night
in this soft soft night
where she dreamt of you asleep
dying quietly
in your bed
crawl back to it
in the drunk afternoon
catch the floor
before it lifts itself from under you
when it does
buried in the soil
is a book you've never read
with a question you've never asked

I drew you a portrait of my heart
I put it in your back pocket without you knowing
one night you found it while you cried yourself to sleep
you didn't know what to do with it so you framed it but that didn't work
you tried singing to it but that didn't work
you put that heart on a cutting board
the knife of your love cut it into small bite size pieces
you seasoned it with fresh ground angst
then swallowed it whole
my love tasted like strawberries
my seeds grew gardens in your stomach
the wild flowers grew rapidly
pushing themselves out your mouth
covering you in the dark purple flowers
you dug yourself into the earth
with our seeds we grew a tree taller than any tree in the forest
we swayed soundly against the breeze
our leaves kissed clouds
birds sat upon our tree branches
singing songs like angels
pecking their notes across our bark
our limbs grew fruit and they fell to the floor
their seeds planted themselves into the earth and grew into twigs
we caught the spiders that tried to build their webs upon them
until the love birds carried them away
then we let our rings twist into our core
a man with black silk robes came to the forest
he cut us down with his icy cold fingers
dragged us through the fields of sorrow
tossed us in a wood chipper
then grounded us into paper
that paper was sold to a mother
that mother gave that paper to her son
the son met a girl with the most prettiest name
they walked through forests that they didn't understand
picking the purple flowers that grew there
he wanted to show her how much he cared about her
so he drew her a picture of his heart

outside were ghosts
and a city made of sand
I sat
under a dark tree
listening to the way the dusk breathes
and how the light from the city
is slowly bleeding inbetween the trees
I can hear
that drunk chatter of those
city dwelling bar patrons
I can still remember that girl
with her scarlet red dress
and the way the fabric was stitched from sky

and on those nights
I find myself stumbling home
the city walls seem to crumble
but I can still hear their laughter
caught in the whisper of rain

your breast plate is beautiful

your eyes a poem

your fingers are tall cigarettes

your belly omnipotent

your skin is a holy place

of all holy places
that are locked without a key
and like most holy places are
still shake me when I walk across them

bare feet
fist clenched

her heart smelt of rain
I was standing in a forest
letting it pile on top of me
trying to understand its dream like posture
all I did was get wet
all I did was plant flowers
plucked a peach from its tree
it has the same curvature of your back
tried to drink its honey
a bee stung my tongue
it swelled to the size of a tangerine
I couldn't speak
spoke in body language
saw the way your body spoke
articulated its nature
my soul was trying to squeeze its way
into every inch and every corner
just to smell the way your heart smelt
like fresh rain
and flowers

feel the push and pull of the river and tides
feel the waves crash against your skull
but be careful for the angle aside
just remember that shes just an illusion

blood flows like an over flowing river
with cut up fingers and scattered memories
hard to distinguish dreams from reality
hear the echo of a screaming blade
it cuts the wings like a devils smile
disarmed and hopeless

falling towards the river like a fallen angle
juxtaposed against the whistling wind

shes the savior of a worthless human
found the light again beneath the stone
hard as rock with a freezing inside
bury the demons underneath your breath

shes the one who'll help you reach your halo
pull it down and tie it 'round your neck

don't believe the whispered lies she tells you
its the only way to get you off the ground
lick the fire before she burns the forest
or you'll never find your way back home
tell yourself that shes only human
before she eats away your last bit of stone

the blood flows like an over flowing river
but remember, it's only a cut

it's only a cut

we walked into a book store
eating mangos
I read history
you read fantasy
a chuckle caught my grinning lips
you smiled towards me
juice dripped
from your cheeks
you never look more
beautiful

we bought our imaginations
tickets to the carnival
road the carousel
over and over and over again
laughing like careless adolescents
both sick off the mangos

we ate corn dogs
road the ferris wheel
kissed the stars
and brought them home to play with us
we dressed them
in my mother's old cloths
she no longer needs them
neither do I
I still hold on to them
one day
I will burn them in a field
along with everything I own
and place the ashes in my mother's grave

on that night
we shall let the stars go
make the long journey back
to whatever imaginary place
we call home

new lovers meet underneath the glaze of stars
the moon shines reflections in pools of sorrow
swimmers swim in the paint of fresh canvasses
drawing their imaginations through still fruit
seeds make fruit like humans make baby's
always afraid that one day we'll be eaten
but one day we will fly on our own
dropping feathers everywhere we go
leaving behind memories unforgotten
we are the finger prints on the murderer's axe
gone but traces of us are still left behind
never speaking but always thinking
never wanting but always getting
the painful scars of remembering
these scorch marks on my back are seared deep
like the raw welts upon my heart
every pump is another explosion of life
this life is a dark silhouette of a man
standing in the shadow of god
unable to find my way out of the garden
arms stretched out looking for any sign of life
I ran my fingers against unseen thorns
my bleeding hands are like strawberries
I remember a time when we once caught spiders
let them go and stomped them into the dirt
ran back to the house and played with my father's gun
I was six years old
we didn't know what death meant
to little to understand these complex feelings
my best friend cried when his cat left
I have never felt death
not my whole life
even when she broke my heart
I felt like I could never carry this world with out her
my spine would crumble underneath the weight
I wasn't a doctor so I couldn't heal it
there are somethings in this world that duck tape can't fix
I thought that night my heart would give
but I was far from death
far from ever knowing what it means to die