******* it felt good on the days you were happy to see me. Once I thought I heard you sing me a love song, and meant it, but I guess I was mistaken. I've been trying to fill these empty spots, so my heart would no longer have to hear you leave me. For all the ghosts that waltz in my bedroom, this is for the time we tried to break our walls. If you ever want to know what it felt like when you left, just ask. I'll try to hold back my pain like a shotgun shell, but don't hold it against my love when his finger slips, he just gets so nervous every time you're around him. And I didn't mean to explain myself, but I've been having knife fights with my emotions, and cutting out wind instruments since the moment you left. If you've ever wanted to know how it felt when you left, just look at my eyes. That's not holy water you see but a man letting his emotions free.

I thought when I watched you the clocked stop
I was only breathing too hard
your bony fingers are around my heart
if feels so good to feel them there
they are cold
but I will make them warm again
I wear my skeleton like a spider
or an ant
touch my back
my body is an electric fence
the ghosts of the sparrows that flew out of your mouth
only know where sunsets grow
we fallowed them to the trees
where they are skinny and bare
and their roots are as cracked as ours
I was holding your hand so gentle
I thought that I was going to lose you
I was whispering to your ears
telling them not to worry
you thought I spoke in madness
it was only my smile
that magically tricked you into loving me
my magic tricks are a musical garden I tried to grow you
but the sun never came
neither did the rain
one night you tried to not let me see you crying
but I knew you did
cause your heart stung me like a jellyfish
my hands
are still raw and numb from the sorrow
but I know that you had forgiven me
when the bleeding finally stopped
I still haven't shown you the scars
but I was only speaking in madness

you smelt like pears
your eyes were rivers

your soul was the moon
watching over the night
we breath in and take shelter

I walked into the fields
found a moon shaped rock
and carved you a heart
you wore it round your neck like a diamond

breathing only the air
we laid on soft oblong shaped couches

you laid on me
our hearts beat like drums

I kissed your neck
you taste like peaches

I saw you pass me by in your lonely-star state
and I thought if I ever had time to say anything to anyone
now would be the time to tell you

why you would ever want to collect dust in a place like this where all things
and dreams are swept out the door at night in place of the lies and hostilities
we all feel during our shift to keep watch of strangers and best friends,
why you would think of responding to me still baffles the shy kid inside my
oddly shaking heart while he's standing next to you asking
if you would please just dance with this broken toy and you did without
question or reason, you just took me and shook me and reminded you
of someone you still think about on the days when you feel lonely
and the people here just don't sing the way I can or meet your eyes
in the hallway where I'm trying so hard for you to not touch me
yet you are trying to graze my chest ever so subtly that everyone seemed
to notice the smile on your face or how quickly it left you
when that criminal came waltzing in, holding your emotions hostage,
knife to your throat, heart knocked out of wind when all you had to do
was ask me how to breathe again, why you would ever want that
still makes me wonder.

we walked into a book store
eating mangos
I read history
you read fantasy
a chuckle caught my grinning lips
you smiled towards me
juice dripped
from your cheeks
you never look more
beautiful

we bought our imaginations
tickets to the carnival
road the carousel
over and over and over again
laughing like careless adolescents
both sick off the mangos

we ate corn dogs
road the ferris wheel
kissed the stars
and brought them home to play with us
we dressed them
in my mother's old cloths
she no longer needs them
neither do I
I still hold on to them
one day
I will burn them in a field
along with everything I own
and place the ashes in my mother's grave

on that night
we shall let the stars go
make the long journey back
to whatever imaginary place
we call home

I sat at the table  
with a bottle of liquor
and a poetry book

outside were the wolves
dancing around a fire
I went to join them

bottle in one hand
book in the other

reading these poems amongst the fire

the wolves are speaking
strange tongues
I cannot understand them
tried to speak
nothing comes out

I read on

the poems twisted
spun hugh circles in my arms
they spoke to me
I understood them

it started to rain

when the wolves left
they leave behind the ****** bones of mice
scattered like a message

I was still there
legs burning
back cold

bottle in one hand
book in the other
eyes closed

the hunter carried me back home
set me on my couch

drunk and confused
through my book
dropped my liquor

took a knife from the drawer
cut the words from out of my belly
you drowned in the slurs
so did I

swallowed the knife
spoke of god
and went to bed

awoke at dawn
cold
and naked
and amnesic

a world made of dreams
and only to those it seems
overwhelming

a child crys, an infant dies
and we only care about
celebrities

blond hair and blue eyes
makes a perfect messenger of lies
for those who see the ties

connected at the heart
but we are man so we tare apart
all the ties that bind

divide and conquer like Neopolitan
separate and three
black, white, and strawbarry

confusing is the world and all that live
understand we can't, trust we do

make a hole in the pit of your soul
then show the world what it can do

seen many things I have not
been many places I have not
so many things ahead of me

and as I watch myself slowly kneel
I say *life is a gift for the sadness I feel

my soul is heavy

he is carrying an anvil on his back
stretches over it

on the vibrating night street
we take my car to a dance
called everyone and their souls to the dance floor
shake these electric spines
heavy

pretend like they don't know what's happening
fill the room on sweat
and heat
open the doors
let the water fill these streets
cleanse them

let people see what we are doing tonight
pushing our egos on sweat
out from our purple and blue skin
breaking the walls
shattering the bones

dance until there is no such thing as dancing
only us
the black clouds and soft stars

read all that I am
I was nineteen years of broken glass
careful not to touch me

be careful not to let the night know
you are scared of her

careful not to let go for too long
you might not find your way back to your bedroom

know that all we ever had was ourselves
and the people who are not watching the way we move
but the way we hold our rhythm
the way we let our souls be light

In the night she walks like thunder. Bleeds like orchestra.
I was a bowl of fruit. With trembling lips. Waiting for
the taste of plums. I was eating knives by the spoonful.
My belly was full of dust. I was collecting veins
with my arms as round as blood. I am placing them
in a vase fashioned out of planets. I tied bottle rockets to stars.
You caught my hands as red as oceans.
But your eyes. They are smooth diamonds.

he held the sun
cupped in his hands
peers into a hole
made for gazing upon it
its heat
is burning
blister on his hands
all of his life
now smells
of burning flesh

the thinker
thinks away his time
pondering his oblivion
now covered
in sliver hairs
running rapid like sliver foxes

wishing he held
in his hands
something
a little more smoother
more soothing

now that his eyes can no longer see
and his hands can no longer feel

we swam in fields of melancholy
that shimmered like amethyst
the wind caught a fistful of your hair
and it lingered the smell of orchids
I can feel
melting into your softness
I can hear
a heart beat so clear
it was tangible
makes me want to rip out every tooth and every nail
for not holding you
as long as I could
as tight as I could

like black
like sorrow
she comes twisting like a grape vine
up legs
to the edge of my finger tips
she is dressed
in a jacket made of skeletons
peering through the rib cage
was a heart
glowing like the tips of so many knives
like so many violent ways
to caress me
drink my blood like holy water
twist my guts like a wet towel
I am staring at her shape
made a hand
opened her jacket like a coffin
so I myself could see
that she has flesh
and blood
and weakness

on strange days I wish I smoked cigarettes
I feel particularly weird on strange days
like my skin wants to vacation
on strange days I take the music box out of my pocket
then play it for my nostalgic neighborhood children
as they run through summer time sprinklers
feasting on cheeseburgers and french fries
humming to the key of my music box
drugged by this warm summer afternoon
on strange days I stare at blank sheets of paper and empty ashtrays
morning knocks on my window telling me it's time for bed
time for bed I say on this particularly strange day

I'm constructing boxes made from your beauty.
Inside them placing broken music boxes. Inside them
im placing feathers. You opened my heart,
like it was a locket. There is nothing inside it.
There's a hole in my heart, and nothing inside it.
You dug a hole to bury it.
When you dropped it into blackness.
There was only wonder--and no thud.

he stairs into the soul of the creature that stands before him
he listens to the quite whispers but hears the screams of angels
he looks into the ***** of the goddess, far past the chest, into the heart
he sees the light of sunshine, the warmth he knew but was never shown

he waits for the right moment of light where he can see the shine of her eyes
he loves that everyday is a gift just to spend ten minuets with her
he believes that one day this goddess will set him free from the prison of his mind
he longs to touch the skin that taunts his wondering eye

he dreams of one day showing the world just how much he loves her
he holds the peaceful beauty that rest's her forehead upon his lips
he feels the gentle rhythm of the heart beating against the chest
he knows how much that heart pumps for the one that she dreams about

he accepts the fact that she harbors love for someone else
he understands that he was there before he knew beauty's name
he lets go of the one that he holds so dear to his heart
he closes his eyes and nods off into a world where she and him live happily ever after

a cloud of smoke fills the air in a patio filled with laughter
friends circle round as we being to **** the dark green grass
fire rise up as he inhales the smoke from the long glass stem
he holds it in until his lungs collapse
then spews it from his mouth like a dragon breathing fire

a long pause fills the air until his lips form a grin
and we knew that his experience would being
he screams out laughter like a hyena breathing nitrous oxide
his eyes shift back and forth as he barley holds himself
he stops with total control
**** he says

I could feel all eyes staring me down as I look down at this magic bottle
a bottle that will send me past reality
that will push the envelope of my mind's customary perception
and show me things that I couldn't even dream of
far past my imagination
I inhale

my vision shook
and my fingers twisted
I began to sink into chair that I sat in
I could feel waves
waves coursing thought my entire body
and I felt jiggly like jello

I burst into the sky
flying through the inner tubes that hung their motionlessly
I felt the scratches of rubber
and still heard the laughter of children
but they were no where to be found

some how I ended up in my chair
still sitting there
with a river of drool hanging from my gaping jaw

the sky began to sway back and forth
like waves in the ocean
I reached for the sky saying I want to swim in the ocean
the harder I tried the more it pulled me away
until the ocean disappeared
and I was left sitting there
next to my friend saying

*pass me the pipe

their movements were blurry
children on the playground
on far away islands
they're still taking boat rides there
on their wings
and dreams
through fields and seas
to be with them
I dreamt of the flower
and a handful of rain to water it
their smiles were endless
their laughter still full with wonder
and their cheeks rose colored and full of grapes
I dreamt of this place
so strange
like gold
like sun never heard of night
I'm still trying to hold on to it
this childlike wonder
slips so easily through my fingers
dances like fire
like passion in the writer
and the water that fills his eyes
every time he understands little by little what love means
I dreamt of this place  
and did not know where to find it
where the flowers still grow
and so does my imagination
maybe it still is
and I can one day find my way back to it
if I ever do
I hope it will teach me something
about beauty
then I can teach that something to you

o sweet irony!

your voice
like ***** melting on skin
has cold-clocked and castrated
me into a submission
and I'm losing pieces of my heart and lungs
the only things that seem to be
keeping me
alive

to fill these voids with love and cigarettes
is to fill with joy and destruction

if death is the answer to life
aren't these things keeping me alive?

o sweet irony!

I have a back porch made of sunset's
when the sun sets he leaves behind golden traces
I tired to draw pictures with them
hold its small life
breath its warmth like nothing ever before it
sigh in the relief that there's so much to look forward to
lay in the grass
let the moon wash over me
fill me with its beat
its rhythm
I will dance with it
cry into it like my pillow
she is soft and wet
I have long fingers gentle enough to touch you
I am afraid
still feel like the body of a ghost
let it hold me
show me where god was
dawn creeps over the horizon smiling
its smile was sacred
mother earth knew what she was doing when she made you
just another child
I will stand on my tip-toes and try and touch you
but im scared of what you might think of me when I do
so I won't
if this makes you sad then im sorry
sorry for all the aching hearts
for all the dreams ever planted in the hands of life that never grew
I am sorry for this
if your heart can scream loud enough
maybe theirs will begin to open
close your mouth with me
gently push our egos back into the nights they were created in
find the sleeping giants to tell this to
if god can't hear us
let our hearts beat louder
walk into my bedroom with me
lay upon my bed and place your head on my vibrating rib cage
know that the night loves this
I choked on the songs I tired to sing you
couldn't breath
but I was only ever standing in a hallway
to scared to walk down it

I sat in the damp grass underneath the full moon
looking up at the stars wondering how small we must be to the atoms in my fingernail
then the spiders awoke from their long sleep and began to glow blue
the sight was unbelievable like the falling of the first snow
the glow from the spiders lit up the night floor like the moon lights the sky
I crawled next to the spiders and scooped one up in my hands
Hello little spider, what's your name? - Boris.
Boris, I like that. Say little spider, can I ask you something? - Sure
Why do you glow? - We all glow, not just us spiders
but we spiders know how to show it
we make webs like painters, paint, paintings
we eat flies so we don't die like you eat cows to become fat
we love like you only we die because we only need one pure moment of love to be happy
then we are eaten, so that our children can be fed, so that they can live a better life then the one that I had
I sacrifice myself for my children
we glow because we want to show the world we are beautiful, not monsters.
Boris, we don't glow because we are the monsters
we paint these paintings because someone else has already painted them
and we feed off the cows because we want food we don't need
we use people for love because we only want a little thing I like to call ***
you **** for a cause, we **** for the enjoyment and the pleasure
we're the monsters, Boris, not you
and this world, Boris, I'm still trying to understand
trying to figure out why this world spits on you for trying
why every time we learn something new we have to better than everyone else
because in are minds we are programmed to feel that being better then other people is cool
and that being better looking will get you more women
and being better at guitar will get you more money
Boris, we are creatures who squander our ability because the media is looking for the next big thing
we play songs that other people have written and say that we have talent
but even you can see, Boris, that we take life for granted
and I believe that a child's drawing is better then any artist
because at least it's creative and not diluted by what the media calls cool
and their minds are pure and free and not concerned about what's cool
because they're to **** concerned about the colors of crayons
and their egos are not measured by the tears they shed
Boris, I'm still trying to slow this world down
and not forget what it means to be a person
to be free and let my fingers rest upon the girl I don't want to leave behind
so I can have her for just a little bit longer
but I must be going Boris for the hour is getting late
and when I lay my head upon the tired hands of dawn
I shall look for my glow in the morning
*Goodnight

my backyard smelled like fresh cut grass
on my porch was a beehive
it buzzed as bright as yellow sun
but my father was god and he took care of us
in the front was a tree
where we played games of baseball cards and hide 'n' seek
down by the lake was a man
this man was named summer
he wore on his sleeve a grinning shadow of new day sunshine
as girls in pretty pink sweaters
dance on the edge of his finder tips
he would spin us tales from his days since past
I cut myself on roses I picked for the girl next door
my red smeared palms dripped raspberry colored droplets
upon pearl white bathroom floors
cleaned up before mother noticed the stains
open window breezes breath ghosts across sweaty upper lips
and in the streets
people with dilated eyes
stare down the changing colors of spring
and here I am ten years later
still amazed about how we once played like dinosaurs
in the light I saw her
waring a summer dress of blisters
lucidly daydreaming of dusk
she dances on orange bathed hilltops
with her lover of a thousand broken hymns
singing ring around the rosy to the people of crumbling ashes
and hidden behind smiles are razor sharp teeth
still waiting to find me there
but here we are still in spring
and the flowers have yet to bloom

I was a country dreaming of grass
you laid down next to me

gas can in one hand
lighter in the other
wanting to show me what violence looks like

gathered my thoughts
walked deeper into to the trees

you burnt my image in the grass
screamed out my name
burned through your throat
consistent with shards of glass

in the forest I met a spider

there is a man walking
carrying an Axe

destroys his home
the spider is crying

I would too
but I did not want to show him
I am more afraid of him
then he is of me

this window is a television
its rain drops tell me stories
like the time we spend all day inside hiding from the clouds
finding the truth in magic on my bed
this window is a television
changing channels with every moving house
the sun came out to blind my way
making the rain drops open doors to locked places
trying hard to forget
looking for peace within my music
I digest these beats like fresh milk
making my bones stronger
so they don't shattered and break at the hands of these memories
I find myself not being able to control the way your hair looks in this light
the way we stood there and held each other
until I had consumed all the sadness that you had bottled
then you left me there drunk with pain
stumbling back home
I see my heart like broken glass laying on the ground staring back at me
these shards hold deep memories of your skin
I watched it crumble to dust and float away in the breeze
this window is a television
these rain drops glistening from the sun
reminds me of the mornings in December
I wonder if anyone else understands its beauty

today I met the devil
we had a cup of tea in the garden of mysterious shadows
he showed me the world through the visions of dead flowers
I watched as the sun killed the last ******
then buried him in the cold soil
his bones rose out from the ashes of hate
laid down beneath the sliver lining
and sang his daughter to sleep
I wounder what it truly means to love someone
to see your little sister tired
and carry her up stairs to bed
only to fine that she'll still love you in the morning
this world turns circles in my stomach
I'm so dizzy that I can't even stand on two feet
hate is the next morning when all you get are dry heaves
and this world is full of alcoholics
I stopped to take a look at whats buried underneath this house
what foundation holds up the four corners of my life
and see what I truly stand for
but the answers are as twisted as my smile

holding hands
we walk down an empty dirt road
I notice your pale green eyes staring back at me
we stop to shoot the breeze with the blue jays
who built their nests out of broken children toys
I laughed about how the jack-in-the-boxes have twisted smiles
we walk until the road curved into a street
with your eyes closed
I kissed your cheek
you blushed and laughed and teased my lips
we walked down to the creek
you found a flat purple stone shimmering in the sun
you skipped it along the calm blue water
I caught a fish
but he was too big for me to carry
I let him go
he said *thank you

I could feel the pulse of daylight  
becoming louder and louder

not knowing which way to look

her burning field
reminds me of my childhood

and how I would sneak out of the house
to live like the foxes

my father did not like this

I still stay up late
and pretend to hear the shadows

they are cold and quiet
and dance across my walls

I am cutting out pieces of my brain
to grow you an orchard of pomegranates

when the seasons come
eat the words that I have given to you

plant the wisdom in your belly
grow fields around your heart

and take away all these headaches

I did not stop to stare at the angles  
didn't need to, my mother did. She waits slowly  
like they can hear her, praying louder  
screaming like god was on fire  
that he was, I was too. He knows me  
like a son, like a ghost  
I was on fire  
my belly full of water  
I'd drink glass after glass not spilling a drop  
not wasting any on my cheeks
fat with the gulps  

my father watched over my mother  
she was a flower  
a soft dandelion amongst roses  

when I was young I would seek out the night  
and count the stars
as far away as they were  
at ten seems so close
too close to touch
until my farther yelled for me to come home
either it was too late
or he loved me too much

when I was older
no one told me to play it safe  
I played with lions  
we ate dreams like they were apples  
pluck another from the tree  
god isn't looking

the sky is a spiral stair case to heaven
im in love with the way your body bleeds into the wind
like dark rain clouds
let the thunder be another orchestra for our fears
panic attack in a minor

I was a tree made of bones
my veins are branches
with finger tips of leafs
I have tears as sweet as apples
you are a beautiful girl
with a summer dress made of flowers
come and sit beside me
i'll read you fairytales
like the ones your mother would to let you dream

I only want the same

you came slithering in my room
dressed in mysterious shapes

finding dark corners to play in
whispering magical thoughts of illusion

you shake the soft spot of my foundation

I fallowed you down by the lake
where you show me that the water is really green

you caught an odd colored fish
and ripped the meat from its bones

you showed me it was nothing but the skeleton of my dead grandma
lost upon my last fading memory

in the woods we found messages carved into trees

they have been blackened by the souls of dead lovers
hard to read
we try to decode their passion

what destruction lies behind beauty's door?
so mysterious that they were forgotten before ever written

we walked upon these empty roads for days
losing all signs of amity

you stopped where the hills ended and said:
love is a perilous journey of all sun and no rain
when rainbows are destruction to sad faces
how can I ever find happiness?

she kissed my lips then said:
my kisses are like land mines

tick, tick, tick, your heart stops.

my shaking bones fell to the floor
as I watched her vanish into the thick mist

I came upon a bare oak tree
still chard from its last message
I chipped away the ashes and carved
*happiness is only the beginning

you gentle beauty
with eyes of piercing amber
cut through the night like a knife
you quite gem
with no need for backdoor dusk bathed sun dresses
your naked skin shattered windows
to let in the rain
so hard you came falling
like to touch you would brake me
would you organize my organs?
or the thoughts I never spoke?

dream with me
and dig those nails into my spine
draw a sliver line
between me and that dreamlike warmth
spread that rib cage wide
and let me inside
that o so feeble heart
beat beat beat my head in two
until I find no use for the words I speak
or this body that quakes
when you're so near mine

come with me tonight
to the lake filled with tears
we have nothing to fear tonight
god rests his head on the moon
he watches us
we can sit and stare and be alone
it's ok tonight
because she is as heavy as we are
I've been heavy
still trying to find what it means to be light
I have nothing to give
all I've ever had was lost
and we can be everything tonight
it's ok to be alone
as long as night still hangs on us like a coat of sorrow
like empty water glasses
and we carry the tears back and forth
not spilling one drop
carry your tears like bestfriends
they do not care
nether does god nor moon
nor the black or the stars
be lost my friends
and come with me this morning
under dawn filled hilltops
like oceans of blue flowers
let go of all you know
let the bees not find ways to sting us
shake us like ghosts
shake our rib cages filled with beating hearts
shake our teeth like spilling library books
all we've ever known were colors
let us count them
I bet you I know what blue looks like
I bet you I can show you
just close your eyes
tell me what you see
tell me the sky was bluer then the one last week
I'll tell you what my hands say
they can play music and cut vegetables
on good days they can hold other hands
not always their own
but these last few months I haven't had some good days
we're still friends but we haven't talked
haven't carried my tears in water glasses in years
I'd still like to
maybe I'll fallow you tonight
as long as you will still call me a man in the morning
well... maybe another time
maybe another time

we lay like dirt
sitting peacefully under the dark night that sits heavy upon us
where the last star shines for you
we sat until our souls grew grass
and the hungry bugs came to feed upon our dead leaves
then our blood bleeds black unto the rivers
our grounds grew moons
which we climbed upon
reaching high into the sky
then plummeting into our oceans of blood
covering our body's in the darkness
feeling all the things of being alive
washing away all the bad memories that linger in our minds
waiting for only one scream to show everyone we have fears
and fingers open up my chest like a book
shaking the black beads of water from my skin
reading me like you read the bible
with my last passage saying
God is an angry child
I wiped the last drop of black from your face
staring deep into eyes that have made me dream since the moment I saw them
dreaming up wild conclusions of the end of the world
then the rain pored upon our heavy breathing chests
I touched your cheek
your face was icy cold from the cool wetness of the air
and the rain washed over us
discarding from us all our confusion
letting the feeling of discomfort wash down the empty streets
where we once walked upon writing are memoirs
and standing there after I burst into a flaming pyre of remembrance
I held your head upon my hand
trembling at your vary beauty
not knowing weather to stand or to kiss your lips
with my mouth opening and closing
opening and closing
until the darkness of the sky and coldness of the air began to snow
snowing like it would never stop until we've met
until I grew so tired of bugs that I scooped them up in a jar
and the crows that perched themselves upon the fence
swooped down and swallowed the whole jar
flying back into the night
we made snow angels that took hold of their shape
and blazed right into the sky
snatching up the crows
covering them whole until they burst into cylinders
then fluttered down like ashes
melting away all the snow
all the pieces of our souls were placed back into the earth
exposing the nights street
where mine and your lips finally touch

feel the push and pull of the river and tides
feel the waves crash against your skull
but be careful for the angle aside
just remember that shes just an illusion

blood flows like an over flowing river
with cut up fingers and scattered memories
hard to distinguish dreams from reality
hear the echo of a screaming blade
it cuts the wings like a devils smile
disarmed and hopeless

falling towards the river like a fallen angle
juxtaposed against the whistling wind

shes the savior of a worthless human
found the light again beneath the stone
hard as rock with a freezing inside
bury the demons underneath your breath

shes the one who'll help you reach your halo
pull it down and tie it 'round your neck

don't believe the whispered lies she tells you
its the only way to get you off the ground
lick the fire before she burns the forest
or you'll never find your way back home
tell yourself that shes only human
before she eats away your last bit of stone

the blood flows like an over flowing river
but remember, it's only a cut

it's only a cut

I didn't notice you coming towards me
or looked your way when you sat two inches too close
but my heart exploded like a fire *******
when it felt that electric pulse you gave off
I lit up a smoke so fast
purple zippo
red heat
you grabbed my hand and lit your own
and with a cloud of smoke
you said
*I've dreamt about you
I had a flower in my hair
you had on these yellow sneakers
ain't life funny stranger?

1.
your body was a canvas
I swallowed paint brushes
of reds and blues
I have purple skin
I try to draw the things inside of me
my quite heart
and jagged bones
cutting their way from out of me
your body was a canvas
I tired to paint its beauty

2.**
I kissed your rain
as we watched the colors drip from our skin
and fill the cracks of the sidewalks
quietly smoothing out the edges of our souls
with every slip and every drip of tongue
GOD! I want to know if your breast plate can scream like Kurt Cobain
or if your fingers are piano keys
and every time you hold me I swear I can hear Beethoven's
Moonlight Sonata

3.
in that rain
we tried to wash the color off our skin
and shutter amidst the pale
but the color was too bright
and this love
too warm.

her heart smelt of rain
I was standing in a forest
letting it pile on top of me
trying to understand its dream like posture
all I did was get wet
all I did was plant flowers
plucked a peach from its tree
it has the same curvature of your back
tried to drink its honey
a bee stung my tongue
it swelled to the size of a tangerine
I couldn't speak
spoke in body language
saw the way your body spoke
articulated its nature
my soul was trying to squeeze its way
into every inch and every corner
just to smell the way your heart smelt
like fresh rain
and flowers

god spoke to me in a dream
he told me
I was a burning tree
a feather in the wind that whispered  
and mumbled
of truth and bewilderment
a sleeping dog
and a black hot sun to scratch his belly

the grass was wet that night
it shimmers
beneath the soft glow
and a faint echo
from far across the field
calls out to me
reminds me of a poem

I cannot remember if I read it or heard it
all I know is that it is familiar
like the taste of water
a gust of oxygen
and the smell of night

the voices grew louder
something is in the orchard tonight

the creek still sleeps
so do the dogs
I grab my flashlight
headed towards the noise
under the wet hot night
even I still shiver

when I see the glow of eyes

I am holding on to something
strange and bright
heavy yet dark
I cannot recall what it is
or if I can
let it break me
clean my dusty bones
my broken ribs my shallow smile
I close my eyes
as tight as seeds
grow a field with my dreams
my fears are crows perched upon a fence
she was my scarecrow
at night
I let her hold my heart
it is small
but too big for my body
she sings to it
songs I know but my mother never sang me
never held me and never told me
son, one day you will be a big man
one who can lift city's and people  
one who shall write poems
and love a girl like it was the last thing you ever do
cause it is
cause all you've never had is love
when it was all you've ever wanted
and was all you've ever gave
and this heart is small
but he hands away his beat by big handfuls
never wanted it anyway
never wanted the dreams
but they do come
come by threes
by the backs of dead star dust
like billows of black smoke
swallows me whole
buries me alive
the sky was a graveyard
and the stars were the tombstones
she wakes me from the nightmares
my palms like rivers
I cannot hold her
she puts my hands to her chest
the beat was ever so bright
heavy yet dark
*my body is not a coat of razor's  
you can hold me
just try

I have this broken faucet
and it seems to drip. . . On my heart. . .
and when I open my mouth
the echoes of emptiness
paint the walls with sorrow
in the room where we once laid
and those naked shadows
stood up from the floor

in your heart
a midlife storm
echoed of love and lies

I believed in your passion
and twisted myself inside it
gorged myself on you
naked flesh and naked fears

needed you
like you wanted me to
and filled your emptiness with my own
but when those storm clouds cleared
and you removed my hand
from that heart
I could see your body was a coat of razor's

I walked outside
hand's covered in blood
washed them in the rain
and only the stains are left to remind me
that if I don't fix this broken faucet
I just might drowned in a flood. . . Without you. . .

new lovers meet underneath the glaze of stars
the moon shines reflections in pools of sorrow
swimmers swim in the paint of fresh canvasses
drawing their imaginations through still fruit
seeds make fruit like humans make baby's
always afraid that one day we'll be eaten
but one day we will fly on our own
dropping feathers everywhere we go
leaving behind memories unforgotten
we are the finger prints on the murderer's axe
gone but traces of us are still left behind
never speaking but always thinking
never wanting but always getting
the painful scars of remembering
these scorch marks on my back are seared deep
like the raw welts upon my heart
every pump is another explosion of life
this life is a dark silhouette of a man
standing in the shadow of god
unable to find my way out of the garden
arms stretched out looking for any sign of life
I ran my fingers against unseen thorns
my bleeding hands are like strawberries
I remember a time when we once caught spiders
let them go and stomped them into the dirt
ran back to the house and played with my father's gun
I was six years old
we didn't know what death meant
to little to understand these complex feelings
my best friend cried when his cat left
I have never felt death
not my whole life
even when she broke my heart
I felt like I could never carry this world with out her
my spine would crumble underneath the weight
I wasn't a doctor so I couldn't heal it
there are somethings in this world that duck tape can't fix
I thought that night my heart would give
but I was far from death
far from ever knowing what it means to die

I did not ask you to forgive me
only sit with me in a field

sit with me and pray

watch the black grass turn green
morning sleeps on the other side of the river

you notice the soft feathers
of the swallows

you fallowed them alone
found fields more fit for prayer

my hands are bleeding
I shall leave you messages
on the white rocks
so you may find your way back to me

I hope one day you'll read them
and know

I still have not forgiven myself

Paige was a story
she has black ink over her arms
drawn there by her little brother
who does not know what permanent marker is
who has no questions about life
Paige was not only a story
but a book
that she writes in every night
spills her heart
like a cup full of water
she has small thoughts
she thinks
never wonder  
what it's liked to be hugged
but always got the same question in return
where will I go
when I no longer have this story
no longer have this poet in my heart
who keeps me up at night
in this soft soft night
where she dreamt of you asleep
dying quietly
in your bed
crawl back to it
in the drunk afternoon
catch the floor
before it lifts itself from under you
when it does
buried in the soil
is a book you've never read
with a question you've never asked

outside were ghosts
and a city made of sand
I sat
under a dark tree
listening to the way the dusk breathes
and how the light from the city
is slowly bleeding inbetween the trees
I can hear
that drunk chatter of those
city dwelling bar patrons
I can still remember that girl
with her scarlet red dress
and the way the fabric was stitched from sky

and on those nights
I find myself stumbling home
the city walls seem to crumble
but I can still hear their laughter
caught in the whisper of rain

I have nothing but a heart

and a jacket to keep me warm

the wood was too wet

and all we had were books

we read them

under burning candles

huddling close

enough to make us wanna kiss

all we did was read

this world burns like fire
it burns memories deep into your veins
making everyday harder and harder to forget
that we once loved somebody
but they turned away
they left us like the sun at dusk
bring with them the night because we all slept in
and when you open your eyes I hope you look
stair long and hard at the monsters before you
see the father who wants to **** the daughter
see the *****'s next **** victim
see this world burn
and its last extinguisher has ran out
I would speak up but these days I'm forgetting how to talk
forgetting what it means to even be human
but always reminded of what I need to be
and as I look upon these charcoal black hands
I notice pieces of me peeling away
exposing my flesh and bones
until nothing is left but what I was when I was born
placed into these shoes
to burn with the rest of the world