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 May 2014 Nevermore
Nomad
To mother, the mother I wish I knew,
if you weren't so drunk each night,
there would be so much that we could do!
We could've played in the park,
you could've pushed me on the swings,
I would've asked a lot questions,
about this and that, and other things!
I would've dug my way to China,
and come back with gold,
I would've discovered the fountain,
that when you drink, you won't grow old!

But we didn't.
Because you couldn't.
Years went by, dad said he quit, winked then left,
you were already tattered and in ruins,
any cry of mine, went to ears, so deft.
I grew up alone, with only your beer stained lips
drooling on my neck,
when all I really needed
was something more sincere on the cheek,
just one small sincere little peck.

But you couldn't manage that,
not after every other night,
so I'd take up the duties of mother and father,
to my siblings you never knew, by the time of first light.

I did the chores, you never asked me to do,
I did everything, did it all, all because I loved you.
That somewhere,
beneath and through the wreckage and trauma,
deep down inside,
was a pretty lady there,
waiting to be called mamma.

But she never came up,
through the blurry, drunken eyes,
you kept your room so dark,
I think you've forgotten, the color of the skies.

My brothers and sister,
we all had to get along,
but I didn't have the heart to tell them,
about you,
it just...it would just be so...wrong!

God, I prayed to him,
but you'd never know,
you didn't care where I went,
or when I would have to go.
I found him in the attic,
where I made it my room,
sure it was dusty and broken,
but I fixed it with a hammer and a broom.

There I had to work,
like not a single soul would,
that's all because I was old enough, and no one else could.
I come home every single night.
Just before you came back from the bar,
because as I watched from above,
you came home in someone else's car.

You missed every birthday,
did you know that?
Every single blessed one,
I didn't care after my seventh,
but after little *****'s first?
I almost told her you died!
My heart was about to burst!
Good God, help me from saying further!

But even years and years,
of your, stupid, stubborn behavior,
I've gained fruit, from all of my labor.
You've taught me things,
even when you were not able,
that things just ain't handed to you,
you gotta lay it on the table.

Ma, I love you, my sibling's would say the same,
they'd love you a little more,
had you quit the drinkin' game.
We found our pa,
he had a little run in with the law,
but he shaped up,
just for us,
he even was there,
when I was shipped out on the Basic Bus.

I'm proud of my siblings,
the way they are today,
I just hope you'll think of us the same,
and say the same thing too.
Some day.
Partly True, Partly Fiction.
Seems that Poetry is my sweet addiction.
Don't feel sorry, for what this poem went through,
just as a reminder, Your mother still loves you!
 May 2014 Nevermore
Tom Leveille
let it not be confused
let no one else's name
ring throughout these sentences
let this be a hatchet
let me put this to rest
this is not a test
i don't want to think
about shipwrecks anymore
i am tired of folding apologies
into origami birds
and placing them
at the headstones to your tantrums
this is not is not geology class
these are promises
written on razorblades
      & if you are getting choked up
        then maybe you should be

maybe we should be buried
with our telescopes face down
my mouth is full of sorry
all for being honest
we are falling out of orbit
we are burning bystanders
so cast away your callous condolences
because no one is clapping
in this waist deep water
this is not a baptism
so do not tell strangers
that this was a chance to drown
any differently
i am not a catalogue
of constellations you cannot name
this is not mythology
so stop believing your horoscope
i am not a wishing well
i am just a wall for you
to paint post nuclear fallout & antonyms for catharsis on
we destroy the things
that are not ours-
the wanton ways
we embody wrecking *****
and then cry over the rubble
this is not a heap or a mosaic
this is leaping
off a thousand story building
with no one to catch you
at the bottom & maybe
that's why some quiet moments
are so fragile, maybe that's why butterflies have mimicry
your words are black powder
and poetry is your musketry
i guess that makes me your blindfold
 May 2014 Nevermore
Tom Leveille
i can feel you
distancing yourself from me
i can feel continental drift
i wonder, do the shoes
you wear to run from me
have holes in them?
or do you go barefoot
careful not to make a sound
in your retreat. "cover your tracks & don't look back" i imagine
your demons whisper daily
as you are growing fond of me
i wonder if your heart puts up a fight when you want to see me
or if it's a massacre
& the demons dance
on dreams you have
of us holding hands
do you wander to your car
only to find yourself back in bed?
do you put your makeup on
just to take if off again?  
is your imagination of me
a graveyard, or a pair of open arms
that are inches away
but just out of reach?
you see, what i've been so afraid
to tell you for so long,
why i feign sometimes
before speaking
careful not to tell you
all my unspoken promises,
it has to do with the night you had your head on my chest and confessed you never thought my heart
could beat like hummingbird wings:
i apologize for my silence
what i've been trying to say
is that my heart hasn't slowed down
since the day we drank coffee together
continents apart
I've watched you
all winter, holding your beauty close.
Protecting it from the snow and cold
in your grey-green fuzzy casing.
When the time is right,
you release that protection.
Giving you the freedom to unfold your splendor.
Like hands opening.
Like fingers uncurling.
There is hidden beauty in our winter.
winter, beauty, magnolia, spring, flowers, growth
 Apr 2014 Nevermore
hkr
xx.xx.xxxx.
 Apr 2014 Nevermore
hkr
i didn't donate blood today. i could've, but i didn't. my friends did. all day, people talked about the donors like they were heroes. we watched a video about donating, about a little girl whose live was saved thanks to a donation. my friends' blood will save lives. but i didn't donate today, because my blood is thick with misguided bits of you and to burden someone else with that would be to condemn them, too, to hell.+
i'm feeling red today.
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