How do you fix feelings
that like melted butter
getting solid again
coil back to numb pains ?

What do you do
when feelings like
tasty frosting
taste salty
instead of sugary
and creamy
hmmmmm...
taste like salty grime?

How do you
fix a pizza
with too much salt in
you can't throw it
in the bin
for hunger gnaws
in terrible pains.

What do you do
if you want to throw out
that inedible cake
but have to swallow it all?

What do you do
when the life you live
is not what you wish
but have to keep breathing?

Take sleeping pills
go to sleep
and never wake up
is that what you do?

Shhhhh
but you can't tell anyone
never, never
till you see or not see me again.

It was cold and windy
snow piled high on the ground
as if adding to the grimness
of a bad weather day.
Every breath threatened
to freeze my lungs
and the ears went deaf
icy wind blown into them,
eyes cried helplessly
fighting with stinging cold.
And yet, somewhere, the heart melted
as I watched a tiny bird
singing on the bare branches
heedless to winter's rebukes
it was singing to life.

My lips unfroze
I whistled to the bird
and stomped on the snow,
happy to be alive
blessed to witness
yet another winter,
wind, blow, blow
as hard, as chilly
as you can,
so glad you found me,
breathing still.

I cried all day, today
no particular reason
and yet so many things
overwhelming life
to the extent
when I stop trying to figure
why I cry,
I just cry
at the futility of life
and  in irony
call my tears
nonsense tears.

God gave tears for a cause
and so perhaps
its best I shed them
with the pain
that also came
for a cause,
that is to make me cry,
I will cry more
and more
to shed my
nonsense tears.

I don't like this station of life
nor do I desire the one that awaits.
Somewhere in between
lies a place in a void,
assuring me perfect choices,
forces allure  every way
up, down, right and left,
yet when I want to go,
that faceless space
in dreams says yes
and in reality says no.

The heart cries
the body cannot go.

Giving, giving: endlessly pouring

the best, purest of me,

rising, rising: falsehood behind

reaching truths only,

spreading, spreading: brightest lights

lighting darkest corners,

being, being: just for you

to hold when you fall,

pledging, pledging: heart and soul

Life, I'm giving all,

truly, truly: I am yours

Wonder, now if you'll be mine?

Kisses these days, are not kisses
no, not really.

The warmth, the tingling sensations
that used to ignite fire
through the whole body,
devour each and every cell
send us to heaven and hell,
in sweet pains, silent pleasure,
all in just one kiss,
and
fire of lips found life
bodies discovered passion,
left bodies in happy ember.
Those you know,
were really kisses,
fire of love
that happily engulfed
two souls.

Kisses these days,
just aren't the same,
it's fire that smokes
spreading its incense
reminding me,
what kisses were like
in those big, big flames.

What went wrong?
I wonder, why kisses,
are not fire any more
lips touch lips,
yet the spark,
where has that gone?

Hello,
is there a way to stop
the bleeding  
on my wounded pride?
Hola,
how can I stop that pain
hammering endlessly
on my heart?
Bonjour,
Is there a tear drop
to stop my crying
before tears fill the sea?
Tell me, if you please.
Namaste,
Help me please
douse the fire within
before I burn to ashes,
will you please?

Marhabaan,
What, no one?
Just tell me, at least,
what did I do
to deserve this?

Life is
as it is
it was
what it was
it will be
what waits to be.

So what
is the big deal?

Let it all seep in
this life, I mean.

A meeting of its kind,
like many others in life,
that don't go as dreamed,
he sat opposite to me
in mood and body,
smoking Navy cigarettes,
loving every puff.

I sat, sad at heart
loving every breath
of his cigarette,
the passive smoker
for the moment.

But glad, so glad
to be there,
if that hour of smoking
gave  bad lungs,
one to get me going
to that final end
a  bliss it seemed
for
it will be taking him
or our shared time
with my existence.

I cry and cry
don't know why,
you look at me
and ask me why
I know not my friend
what makes me cry.

I walk in pouring rain
tears streaming down
that's much better
raindrops and tears
run down together.
Now
you will not see me cry
to ask again and again
why do I cry.

Are angels pouring
oceans of water
to douse the flame
burning within?
I don't know
why I cry, why.

There, somewhere it all hung
soul and heart bursting
to come right out
and say it all
of how I felt.

Yet, it remained unsaid,
and they hurt really bad,
as I watched you walk away
words remained sealed,
with tears gushing down
I whispered to the wind
" I love you..."
and kept hoping, praying
perhaps you will hear
and turn
I wait and wait,
three words,
only three words
still not said.

Always a dreamer
I imagine of going places
where I can't,
reaching the stars
that are never near at hand,
walking along Milky Way
knowing well,
it won't be any way.

And this foolish heart
falls in love
in the same way,
loving all alone
yet content with
love not being returned.

This wild heart
chooses to be foolish
for
love is something
that can't be erased
reciprocated
or otherwise.

From me to you
and from you to me
it's only three words
that we need to say,
just THREE words
you know,
to make dreams come true.

Or is it really,
that simple to say,
" I love you!"

Why do we talk all day
but could not say,
those three words anyway?

Come tomorrow,
shall we try?

In this land of immigrants
eyes unite
beyond race or creed
and I find
joy and sorrow
deep within.

Eyes surround,
wide, narrow, slanting
deep and bold,
green, brown, hazel
blue or in mixed hues.

All eyes,
they draw me close.

At times though
I gasp, looking at
eyes of a different kind:
cold looks
and racial stares.

But
there's the cowboy
holding me in spell,
mounted on his horse
with twinkling blue eyes,
he's the one
holding my skies.

When I fell in love
had no words to write,
how much or how many ways,
no music to play the exact tune,
no perfect color to put into theme
no dances to step in.

We held each other, but
closeness was never close,
not even hearts beating together,
kisses, never  deep enough
ending in long hours,
no ways whatsoever
just to say
how much I loved you.

Now that I hate you
once again, no ways
to express my dislike,
no midways
between love and hate.

The only difference,
I don't try to say
how far gone am I,
the broken heart,
it just doesn't work,
you killed it,
invisible ******,
a crime,
beyond measure.

Crashing waves, rolling water
take my heart
carry it down
deep under the sea,
allow it to be lost
in that unknown world
flora and fauna of another kind
life big and small
and then roll
and carry me on.

Take my heart
oh ocean
let it be carried high
with water drops
that rise with evaporation
and form into raindrops
and rides on the milky way,
to the moon and back
to fall back on earth
like tears of my pain.

There is fire
inside this chest
the heart is burning.
oh sea, of ocean
take my heart
give it some respite
in your endless dreams.

It was pouring
as if gods had forgotten
to turn off
the rain faucets.
I walked
my heart dry,
fever raging
like volcanoes,
heart beating wild
thoughts in disarray,
only one thing blended
with the falling rain:
tears that came
streaming down
to join
the rivulets
and the puddles,
while I moved on
in yesterday's rain.

One step, two steps
ahead, and
three, four behind.
Sideways and
left and right.

It's the mind
that's moving
not me, really.

I am stuck
it's indecision.

A tree it was, a life
shaking from root to top,
as wind raged
with the gathering storm,
bending low, creaking loud
breaking branches
leaves tearing away
and finally crashed
to the ground.

Uprooted tree,
life accepted
sad but undefeated
yet, peaceful it seemed.

I looked on
somewhere
a similarity perhaps:
I was numb
had nothing to say.

Its so often that i cry & don't know why

tears well up in the eyes

& before I can hold

just slide down & I don't know why.

They came when came

birth cry of my first born,

they came when I was very alone

and then too, witnessed

my confusions & chaos.

At times pillows soaked

or boxes of tissue gone,

and sometimes

they just came, streaming down

like a happy brook

or summer rain,

but they come

without fail.

My tears, always there

and they will be

till the end

maybe the Tear Ocean

flows right behind

my hazel eyes,

and my lashes, in empathy

open the gates

when I cry.

Ever heard of that Tear Ocean?


I don't know, really not

why I cry.

water in the reservoir
shows street lights
an' car headlights
sends a  letter
to me
in the night:
come back
tomorrow and
I'll have new sights
other cars speeding by.

That's a weird place
this inner space,
at times its infinite
carrying me to glorious heights
yet
on other days its congested
no space to breathe.

Its my body, my mind
and yet
I can little control.

This black and white shadow
the multi colored one,
at times color less too
makes me the color blind one.

It's that fiery phantom
flames leaping high
engulfing me
and yet leaving me behind
out in the dark.

This ego of mine
holds me captive
in the name of love,
I wish though
it would let me go
to be free
in the vast, blue sky.

There's no  'me'
nothing separate
from fractions of time,
energy or life
big or small.

Like a ripple
in the lake
I rise to fall back
and flow on wards towards the sea.

Water, land or sky
I am a part of it all
another part of creations.

Long time I was gone
when I came back
it was a different reunion
even though
you and I have known
each other for eons.

Absence not only makes hearts fonder
but changes us too.

If Earth's core was a human form,
that would be me
I'm burning God.

Blazing ember spitting fire
shoots high at times,
bringing tears in rains.

Hot lava rumbles
setting forests in fire,
eyes catch rising flames
but see me not.
I cry in Pandemonium

The thought room
where is that,
inside the chest or the mind?
Its too crowded with
unwanted beings
too many I want
to sit and have tea with
and too many again
I feel like driving out
so don't know
what to say.

Perhaps I should ask to dinner
those who stand with ambivalence?
What do I say to them all?

Its my body I know
but how they crowd me
is the cruel reality,
what do I say?

Do I dare even utter
that deep inside
I just want to be alone?

I am digging, going deeper
all my energies in,
have to find
have to put my hands on it,
Google, Wikipedia, Webster
none could help.

Forgot the whole world
so that I could find it,
but
within that time
you were gone
on my silence
you banged the door.

I wanted one word
for the love I felt
for you,
my:  one special.
Or so I thought.

It was a lesson
I learned a lot,
you taught
without meaning to,
but
thanks a lot.

I am sad today
you ask me why.
I stare at you
and you at me.

blue eyes
dark eyes
look at each other
seeking answers
in oceans of tears.

we cry together.

fraction of a second
or less
my eyes behold
an eagle in pause
from its flight
in the swirling air
then
a loud screech
fills the air,
wonder what
it's announcing:
a mouse dead
or spring come alive?

This warmth that flows
between you and me
is not of spring, summer
nor a bonfire or an electric heater.

It's warmth of a different kind
one that radiates,
no matter where we are
makes us cozy
and feel one whole
even on cold winter nights.

You hold me not
nor I you, yet
we feel a volcano erupting
between our  hearts
its core put into flames,
that my dear
is no ordinary warmth at all.

It's tender yearning
of two hearts
for each other.

New England winter,
where has she gone?
How come she forgot
the wedding dress of white
and the shiver of the cold kisses
that comes with chilly winds?

No, really winter, you
can't still be in green,
with grasses shining in rain,
and weeds still daring
to faces, now and again.
Willows in confusion
in January show
their yellow versions,
migrating birds too
hesitant in flying
to distant lands.

Let me send a mail
to spring,
to come in haste, for
seems you will be gone
without much cold,
may I know
what are the reasons?

New England winter
I wonder
if you be real and proper
in the coming year
or if I will be there
to see your long, white attire?
Hey, spring,
wake up from sleep
the trees are bare
no snow, nor flowers
nature waits for your your lips
to smear colors every where.

It's
a new moon night
pitch dark,
no electric lights
or
candles lit
yet
a mystic light
fills my world
when in your arms.

Too many questions riddle the mind,
why a St Patrick's Day to define my wine
when I drink like a fish every day?

A marked day for mothers and women
when I give blood and flesh,
everything I own
as a homemaker or mother
every passing moment?

I feel like giving a birthday gift
to my beloved every day
but can't
people would think I am insane
and so would my man.

Because I don't want a house,
a car, diamond or gold,
people call me a fool
but I'm richer than billionaires
with peace in my humble being.

I craved only love from you
no worldly things
yet you gave me a gold castle
while oblivious to my joy or pain.

Life is confusing I know
as proven again and again,
yet
why is there a question mark
waiting to be inserted
when life stares in vain?

You
are you
I
am me
us
together
yet
we're
each on our own.

Yeah, that's what you see
scarlet lips,
doe-eyed stares,
blushing cheeks
long black hair
framing the heart shaped face.

Ah yes,
a husky voice
promising good times.

And more
no less desirable,
am I
slim figure, revealing hips
curvy body
like a fresh rose
that you want
in fragrance and hold.

Do you ever wonder,
beyond the glitter
beyond that alluring smile
the all smiling look
who am I,
really?

I guess not,
like the apple you eat:
flesh you enjoy,
the core and seeds
are not your concerns,
they are destined
to be thrown away
when hunger is gone.

L
I
F
E
Life...
try as I might
it's a crossword puzzle
never completed.

Hold your breath
imagine
that it was the last.

Now let it go.

There is a blast
fireworks shoot high
up in the sky,
you are alive!

It's alright to say, 'I can't'
right?

I can't stop crying
anymore,
reserved emotions
are like piles of snow
covering mountains
from top to bottom.

I can't hold back,
frozen tears will fall
like an avalanche
bearing my sorrows,
right now!
Not tomorrow.

I can't hold on
let me cry.

People call my names
I hear alright
answer too,
and then come voices
calling me
from days gone by.

I want to answer,
shall I shout, scream
whisper or what?
I cannot reach the past
just cannot,
cannot.

I love them so,
do you think
they will come forward
and join me?

It's just a flicker
a faint revival
a hint.
I know not
if it will glow
like a flame
ever.

Raindrops pattering
on my window pane
knock and call,
like your voice
and their wetness
hold your tears,
I miss you
as they fall.

Spring whispers
I hear your cooing
but
this is a different spring,
my heart is not on flowers
or on bees buzzing,
its with you.

Please lend me wings
to fly , to fly
way up high,
my flight
to freedom
and dwell
in peace.

Music, art, history, science
all go on
cars, trains, planes, ships and boats
move on and on
man, animals, birds and bees
thrive in spring
oceans roll, clouds float
flowers dance
on mountains and hills.

But,
I can't move,
I breathe, but am not living
eyes open without seeing,
say, what I don't mean.
I am alone
set into calmness
a sublime loneliness.

No,
please do not pity me
or stand by my side,
thank you though.
Just to let you know,
there's a reservation
for someone special,
so
none else can fill in.

twilight approaches
darkness descending
the day hangs
in between

night waits
round the bend
time goes round and round
while
life is lost and found...

Your ember lips
on rosy mine,
your dark eyes
in the blue of mine,
you my night
me your sun.

But my love
your blood is red
and so is mine,
and my heart feels
yours in rhyme,
we are not two
but just one
in body
and soul.

No Bach, Kenny G or Taylor Swift,
tonight, it's a different music
since sundown
and birds gone
rain is pouring
'pit-pit-pitter-pit..'
like notes on angel's wings
they soothe my inner sirens
in hushed silence
of the darkened world.
Sweet rain
don't stop

I don't want other music tonight.


It soothes the sirens inside

Weapons of destruction are invisible
at times like emoional ****, abuse
black magic or evil spells
ricosheting from silence
in the forms of words
turning life to hell
till one bleeds
to hear them no more.
OR
words are magic potions
hidden panacea,
to heal cancer and aids
when they strike
to maim or ****,
words of love hold
where doctors fail,
we die yet souls live
when 'I love you'
cradles us
in life and death.

Your words came, deadly
no lesser than bullets
fired from ak 1 guns
causing instant death
of the self in me.

Metal bullets
could have been better
for there would be
weapons to show
to prove
a ****** committed.

My my living corpse
you see
walking to and fro,
the life was killed
long ago.

wish there was a tree called 'peace'
under which I could sit
and feel day's tiredness melt
to blend with the earth's way,

a traveler on life's path,
Lord, I am weary today,
to you I seek strength
to allow me to move on
to other days

forgive me Lord
if body and mind do not agree,
just let me walk
a little more, a little more.