All I know is that some days I find myself curled up on the floor, eyes red, lips shaking, thinking that if I could, I would have given up on myself long ago.
So that is why I doubt you will love me. I cannot even love myself.

I must start off by saying I am a frustrating person.
You can swear I'm beautiful and that you'll never leave,
but I will not believe you.
Some days you will find me crying for no reason and think I am insane.
You are right.
I am a paradox. I am hot and cold, okay then shattered.
I am a roller-coaster ride, a wild, reckless soul with a heartbreaking past and demons in my mind.
Maybe I am looking for someone to save me, and maybe I am looking for someone to save. I haven't decided yet.
I am tied down by my fears and insecurities, plagued with bad memories that run through my mind every time someone says they love me.
How can you love a broken girl?
A girl who is not whole.
A girl who cannot even trust you because trusting always lead to heartbreak at the end of the day, feeling naive, played like a toy by the eyes of a beautiful boy.
A girl who is paranoid because she knows there are prettier, funnier, smarter, nicer girls, and she thinks she could never add up, and if you want only her, there must be some sorta catch.

And if you can get past these walls, break past the barriers I keep around to protect this damaged heart of mine, and you withstand every test I throw your way, if you stay even when I make you want to leave sometimes, just know that I will forever be yours, and I will hand over my battered heart in shaking hands, hoping it will be enough, hoping you will not break me even more.
We are two broken people, and together we will be whole.

I looked at her sleeping ,
with her makeup smudged from crying and hair a mess.
She looked tired.
Tired of the the fake smiles and ugly lies.
Tired of pretending to be happy.
And in that moment I thought about how
happy she was as a child for no reason,
and how simple things were back then.
And now she's slowly disappearing, and I'm
just sitting there, watching it all happen,
knowing I can't do anything about it.
...And thats when I knew that I would love her
more than she would ever love me,
simply because she had nothing left
inside of her anymore.- kh

Show me the inside of your heart only to change your mind and hide it
Carve a larger wound just to remove the one inside it
And bleed out, bleed out
Until the blackest venom shall once again igniteth...

As the deep red blood clashes with the flames of this world and the sorrow rips through my weary soul
As the agony fires engulf me whole
I begin to disconnect
I begin to disconnect
I begin to disconnect from this
I begin to disconnect ....from you

Inhale
My nepenthe
Erase
These memories

And only the deepest wounds will remain
As wretched scars in this fragile frame
Dressed like Christ in robes perfumed with pain
You shattered me at my most insane

I can see you smile again my angel of the night
In the motion of your lovely head in the glowing firelight
As the blade goes tearing through your flesh, disconnecting you
I see your teeth and lifeless eyes
The way you'd smile at me
Goodbye, my lover
You are no more
Farewell to your memory
You loveless ******* *****.

Erased