Standing my ground
While the winds flow right through me
Enveloped by the night
The cold no longer bothers me
I seek it out willingly

As I lean back
To sleep for eternity.

To my future
All I see
Is empty

Blank space

Quiet sighs
Of disappointment

All I've ever felt the need for is guidance
Not able to shoulder my burden on my own
Not knowing the right questions to ask
Never having a hand to hold

Most people fear what I feel surrounding
The dark and the silent I dance in
To drift would be so easy
Yet it would break everything I have built

I have the courage but lack the design
Of a mind for cleanliness
Could never leave another to my mess
So here. I am.

Yet how do I be...

Ever so slowly...
Starting to feel like myself again
It seems the smallest things
can make me smile
Let me sink
into my skin
All the anxiety
Won't let it get to me
In the end it's not my style
No longer longing
Only belonging
in this moment
Mine.

Something isn't right here
if I squint my eyes and
take a deep breath
it's almost like I could just forget
that this whole time has been spent
aching for you
but it never was you really
how the hell could it be
just an idea
and I made it such a good one
which is why I always kept trying

Something doesn't smell right
I smell getting used to
never really trying
because you know I'm always around
My love for you was Somewhere Bound
I guess it just got lost in translation
that is how you got yourself
so **** ingrained
into my soul
I had always wanted a sister
but that requires talking, ever

Honestly I'm sorry
you never got to know me
and in the end
it's all on you.

I don't really have insomnia
I just live with regrets
even though I know I shouldn't
my time would be better spent

I sometimes dream of things
what it would be like if
we had never met

Or if those few moments
led to something different,
anything would be better
nothing about you to be drawn to

I know what I have learned
through my youth
wasted on you
there is just that one thing...

I've been driven insane
gnawing on the concept
willing to live through the horror again
just to be given the chance to change it

It has been said I'm where I need to be
but this has held me back
I can't even give myself sympathy
because I know I'm just pathetic

I need to shine my light again
but the panic settles in
between that and the sleepless nights
I can't say that I will be fine

I never thought I'd be condemned
by giving everything I am
ridiculed for what gave me strength
dampening the flames at long length

If I had known all it would take
I'd have stepped on your stones long ago
I bet you didn't expect that you'd help make
someone better than you'll ever know.