A smile kisses my lips
as the darkness disappears
another endless night has faded
hours lost with lack of sleep
I tremble with anticipation
as my heart burns with inspiration
of so many others that have come before me
my skin humming with the beautiful notion
of their passion and devotion
my blood set ablaze
something is awakening within me
so far inside I had feared it was almost forgotten
but the dawn of each new day keeps trying to explain
all the many reasons I am here in the now
if you were to catch me in this fleeting quiet
there is nothing I would hide
I would bare all that lay inside
if you were to pay attention
this moment holds perfection
with its entirety of the unique
perched atop my hidden corner of my world
seeing nothing but knowing all
praying with the aching desire
to only keep getting higher and higher
to climb with worn hands
the rocky mountainside
to dance with bare feet
in the frisky river waters
with my days of sobbing on the bathroom floor
far enough behind me only to see a faint outline
tracing with my fingertips of aftershock
the bits of ridicule and criticism popping up
just as quickly fading to black
and instead of being riddled with tiny little holes
stealing that pain
making a statement
taking a stand
I notice all that has made and kept me strong
for so very long kept in the background
my heartbeats pounds with the bass boom boom
all of a sudden the syncopation hits the room
the terror comes in waves so strong
shivers send electric static currents up my spine
as if for one split second
not one atom around me is the same
almost dreamlike comes the realization
that I have always been
painting, writing, sculpting, singing, building

my very own reality........

I was led to believe that in life
whatever you have going for yourself
was meant to be broken
you can build and form the clay
but one day
it could all go to waste
when someone says hey
sorry, didn't see you there
after walking all over
what you spent so long creating
and slowly getting used to.

It took the nerve to finally run away
to take a step back from everything
I had ever known and loved in my life
to crash at the very rock bottom
to think it was over
only to have even bigger rocks
with even sharper edges
keep falling down
to never thinking it would end
to having it suddenly stop.

Since being caught
in the whirlwind of emotions and lies
always trying to believe the best in people
I now know I was right.

The ones I love
My real family
even though we don't share blood
I keep in my life
for a reason.

I will forever be in love with love
simply because.

This morning I woke up
The sun foreign to my eyes
Not wanting to fall into reality
Trying to sink back into
My deadly but sweet dreams.

I remember distinctly thinking
With a smile sneaking around
How grounded I am finally getting
How okay I am with just being
My moments are just that, mine.

For the first time in my life
Being alone doesn't feel lonely
There isn't someone that I need
I don't need someone I imagined either
I enjoy the quiet now, instead of being terrified.

I used to always try to make myself busy
Distractions from the noises in my head
Drive at full speed
Volume all the way up
Can't stop, keep going.

Ever moving, ever changing, ever loving.
But live for the moments
That hit your heart
In slow motion.
<3

How intriguing to comprehend
what causes the symptom of small butterflies
spinning around in dizzy circles
half asleep, lucid dreaming
dancing with smiles on their wings

Only ever an afterthought
When I think of everyone and everything altogether way too much
How did I push things so far
I guess I just see things so differently
I am so incredibly unable to show where I really come from
That I get left behind
Perhaps it is just meant to be
Why else would I get so used to
Being forever alone.