I see you in the cracks of a sidewalk
Fighting to live and breathe
In a world of concrete

I see you in my car window
Half way down on the interstate
Blowing whooshing into my lungs

I see you in my reflection
Staring through eyes
That I don’t recognize anymore

The galaxy inside of me
Implodes the pain inside
Too heavy too much
At one time
folding into myself
Spinning out of control
My existence transcends
The end of billions of years
The unfathomable inside
Unthinkable , never to be understood
Winks out of the time
We see.

rob has
soft hands and a soft heart
not to mention
a lovely soul

I can see into it
through his hooded blue eyes

After the first glimpse I had of paradise
I never want to look away again

nothing to do
and
nothing to think
but there's something
missing
whatisitwhatisitwhatisit
i don't ******* know!

I wake up and he's stealing my innocence

he hurts me he hurts me he hurts me
let me ******* pretty doll he whispers

I try to speak but my tongue is broken
Icantpleaseiveneverdonethisstop

He smiles

I open my mouth to scream but it doesn't matter
His hand clamps down on me  
There is no point
No one will hear
no one ever listens to me anyways

i can't tell whether the wetness on my face is from my own tears or from his open mouth

he puts something else in my mouth  andIcan'tfuckingbreathe
godpleasehelpme
and suddenly everything is black

when I wake up again there is something in my mouth and in my eyes and on my face and in my hair and in my brain and in my soul and in my bones and I throw up his putrid sins all over my body



I look down and there is poisonous snow and blood between my legs

i am a china doll shattered below the waist
but my dress covers my brokenness
and it's a **** good thing I have a smile painted on my face

the sky is dark
but I know somewhere south
blue hair and blue eyes
look north to
brown hair and brown eyes
and inside of me I am filled with sun

my body is sitting in an old storage closet
my brain is floating somewhere in space
my heart is still with you

Seeping into hot water
I bleed out colors I never
Could put a name to
Pour in the sugar and milk
Cloud the clarity
Of what you’d really see
At the bottom of your tea
Drink me, please

Tell me I taste
Like chamomile

no matter which direction I take
I feel it is never the right one
my family is never happy with my choices
and if they are, then I am not
they claim support
but I am met with downcast faces
and words of frustration
I just ask to cry alone
It hurts me when they watch me cry
I wish I made my family proud
they would talk to me with smiles
and brag to their friends about my success
but instead I am a worry
nothing but a concern
I feel so alone in my own family

I think
I finally understand
Love

The fact is,
It's completely
unpredictable

sitting in the corner in
a big red chair
is a tired looking girl
with ***** brown hair

i love the way you laugh
even though we are apart
I know you admire the same stars
I am waiting for the day when
I can dye your hair soft pink
then it will match the color of our hearts

I ran into an old acquaintance today
actually, they ran into me
Hadn’t seen them for year


they asked how you were
I said

she’s lovely

they laughed and leaned over to their friend
“She’s madly in love with her”

I laughed

I didn’t have the heart to tell them

She doesn’t love me like how I love her
and how I cry

oh how I cry

california eyes
I love the color blue

bring me the horizon
and i'll bring you the moon

i used to stare at the ceiling all night
the darkness never bothered me
after all,
he was my only friend

when i slid razor blades against my
hips
wrists
throat

he was the only one who saw
and he kept my every secret

some people say he is a monster
a deceiver, and a liar

but I disagree

darkness covered me
he smothered my cries in an inescapable embrace

when i woke up on the floor
gasping
the belt around my neck
snapped in half

i knew he must have cut it
after all,

he was the only one there

purple tennis shoes
and
middle-part hair
makes her Jill

my little fairy boy
has light blue hair

when I run my fingers through it
I see his delicate pink scalp
and I admire what shields
the most beautiful mind I have ever seen

running and reaching and leaving
Behind

his hands were touching me so
softly
and somehow my lips
touched his
and his hands were down my pants
and his teeth were on my neck
and my moans were in his ear

but I knew he wasn't
you

finding solace in solitude
I grow around myself,
swirling soundly around bones and sadness,
I sit in some sort of serenity.

many boys have touched me
and made me moan
but only one
has made my heart sing

when you were younger i used to
watch your every move

once
i saw you lock yourself in the bathroom
when the doctor ordered you to stop running

they gave you crutches


when i reflect on my life

i see a similar story

when the principal told me
you can't run

i was lucky enough to have you and the whole family

this time things were a little more serious then shin splints

thank you for being my crutch

and thank you for pushing
my wheelchair

when i could no longer walk



i love you,
        Anna

fairy boy is
nothing but the past now
I’m not even sure
what the color of his hair is
Or if his eyes are still blue
he’s not mine anymore
but I hope
his wings grow strong
I hope
He can carry himself
Far, far away

my dad is a wonderful man
he tells me stories about growing up poor
his mother
she was schizophrenic

he reminds me that it doesn't matter where you come from
it only matters where you go

my socks are thin, glittery, and
pink
i love them because
they look like your
cheeks
and hopefully
they will soon
resemble your
hair
as well

I met you and it was like
two stars colliding
beautiful but dangerous
you melted into my core and we
dissolved
into something new

it only lasted for a minute
and before I could love what we had become
our light winked twice and faded into black

but i swear that minute with you was a whole lifetime

i look in the mirror
who is that?

so many people moving around
Some are going somewhere, other places
Others stumble into the wrong alleys or fall into holes in the cement
Lots walk in the direction of the arrows
I don’t know what is the right way to go
We all fall asleep
I lose myself in the faces
Are they all me or do I matter in my drop of ocean
I can’t ever see past the horizon
And my eyes are weak to begin with
So many joys but children die every day
I do not find comfort in much

when i wake up
the sun is in the sky
and i can hear the chickens

today is a new day
and i am excited

the clock in my heart
has only been ticking
for seventeen years
so why
do i feel it slow
and its gears grind painfully
to a halt

i asked him to hold the lighter

i n h a l e
exhale

i coughed until I puked

i dont want to wakeup
anymore
please just let me
sleep

dissolve disintegrate decay

i dont want to see the stars anymore
i just want to see the backs of my eyes
i just want to see the black eternal night

i love you and im sorry
but this is
goodbye

wilted flowers laugh
when I cry about you

i'm sorry for the scars
but you know I have them too

when I look at sunsets I think about you
I wish there was something I could do

here's my heart and a red rose turned blue

I flush myself down the toilet
Into the murky waters of the sewers
I let the rats naw on me and the insects crawl
into my ears
I will just pretend it is not happening
there is no light here to shine on my grave

I have decided there are 2

she never loved me like I thought she did
she always loved me but could not forgive me

I’m not sure which one of those hurts more

the television is a haze of
grey black white
and it's TOO ******* LOUD

oh.

how peculiar,
the tv wasn't plugged in the
whole
****
time

must be the silence screaming
again
must be the hallucinations
again

i long for tranquility

at 1 am i wrote my mother's bike to Elliott
we met behind the elementary
in the grass with the mosquitoes
we had ugly, painful ***

when we were little we used to play here
in the grass, yoga and football
now we play a different game

instead of scraped knees
broken hearts

my friends used to tell me
everything will be okay
things will get better
I promise

for the longest time
things got worse
my cuts got deeper
the drugs got harder

but today is a new day
it is my first day of college
and although I am scared
I know that everything will be okay

little hello again
Falling back into the fathomless depths
a flame in the water
so much against it
the laws of nature
but it still burns
when I think of her

you're the single angel in a demension of demons

see what the **** I love the **** outta you

awh Robbie

i wanna put my head under one of these plane tires and fall asleep

a red joker in the window
a black one too!
life is a laugh
but at night the white walls bleed
when the circus came to town
the clown killed the curly-haired boy
but left the slutty girl stranded
he shut the door in her face
but what he didn't know
is that locked doors don't stop demons

bumble bee boy
Found me in the weeds
Stuck underneath
The spikey leaves
He hummed
Telling me that I didn’t belong there
You are a rose he said
They saw your thorns
And thought you were one of them
He picked me up
Young wings and summer air
we flew under the apple tree
In my parents yard
He touched my petals
And told me
You are the most beautiful rose of them all
And for some reason
I believe him

I love you Christian. Thank you for making me feel beautiful. You are my baby bumblebee.

it was another day

At the stop light I sat sitting and my heart saw
A man with a baseball cap
The farmer’s kind Walking
with a woman in a black dress
Holding hands
And I went
Oh
And then
The echos fights and **** ups
Sadness

a little girl
Emerged from behind mom
I knew it was true

They started to run hand in hand when the light started to blink down the seconds

I was the only car there
safe tonight

my hair is ******* blue
And PlaStic
just like my ******* heart

when I met you
I was climbing up to see what I could see
There were trees all around me so I
Had to follow the sun streaming through
I got to the top and I found there was nothing there I wanted
So I started back down and on the way
I tripped and fell into you
Again
Now I’m falling

in the cabinet there was a bottle
inside were mysteries
white like the moon
round like her cheeks

no one knows why she opened it
no one knows why she crushed them
no one knows why she inhaled
not even her

I miss you
I think about the ugliness of my past
The sad story I have become
I had you in the time I was drowning
Now I’m dry on the shore
But you’re long gone
And we’re
Still under the same sun
but I might as well
Be in another galaxy

purple sky sunset
ride the waves of nostalgia
to the beach
ripped jeans and broken hearts
she used to smile at me on cloudy days
i'm running out of time to die young

so many pieces
i've left behind
it's hard to see the whole
this ache is held in other hands
you know how I feel
Im sick Im transparent
slipping into the void

tell me the most lovely sky
is over my head tonight

I tried to **** myself when I was 16
maybe 15 too, I really can’t remember
It’s like I knew what was coming
The calm before the ******* hell
The hands the mouths penises
The pills the **** the open wounds on my leg
The open wound in my chest
Ripcage open, blood flesh bone
Screaming
I heard it
I knew it was only a matter of time but
Why why why why WHY
was I too ******* scared
Too ******* scared of god and his little places and his little enemies friends or whatever
What did god ever do for me anyways?
He watched from afar
And if he was close
That’s even ******* worse .

my baby
Smokes Marlboro red cigarettes
And sways happily to his favorite songs
He reads me poems about his anxiety
and reminds me that it's not my fault
when he kisses me the warmth inside him flows into my veins and thaws my frozen blood
I am lucky
To have met him at this time of my life
I know that god introduced him to me
So that I could clearly see and know the path I want to take in life
Without him
I would be dead in a few short years
and that was not gods plan for me