my baby
Smokes Marlboro red cigarettes
And sways happily to his favorite songs
He reads me poems about his anxiety
and reminds me that it's not my fault
when he kisses me the warmth inside him flows into my veins and thaws my frozen blood
I am lucky
To have met him at this time of my life
I know that god introduced him to me
So that I could clearly see and know the path I want to take in life
Without him
I would be dead in a few short years
and that was not gods plan for me

why does my body ache when I lay down after walking up the stairs

why am I still laying in bed? It's 12:23

why can't I hold eye contact with my mom, she is so kind

many boys have touched me
and made me moan
but only one
has made my heart sing

my pillow still smells like smoke
it reminds me of those nights in my bed
your head between my legs
and paradise all around us

I think
I finally understand
Love

The fact is,
It's completely
unpredictable

i understand
how goldfish feel

my thoughts are trapped
in the bowl of my brain

my mind is a sick old man
he vomits evil thoughts
yourparentshateyou

and pumps malice like blood through my veins
slityourwrists
Itswhatyoudeserve

he whispers my dirtiest sins into my ears
as if I had forgotten them
youreadrugaddict

when I try to sleep
he reminds me that I am a filthy *****
doyourealizehowsluttyyouare
thinkaboutalltheguysyouvefucked­
youregoingtohell

He snickers at my doubts
hedoesntloveyoustupidbitchyourejustsomethingtofuck

but everyday he grows older and more frail
and one of these days, death will come to him
and I will finally be free