i don't know what i want

he says

i'm not well enough for a relationship

he says

but when his hand is down my pants suddenly he knows exactly what he wants

last night I saw you again for the first time
blonde hair

last time I saw you
unconscious in a hospital bed

I know you don't want me in your life now
but God
i wish you were still in mine

I was so baked
Sautéed
The tv
Rick and morty
She looked at me

You're the morty to my rick
I giggled
Unfocused green-brown eyes

Ashley!! You're the rick to my morty!

Mortynotrick?
Ricknotmorty!

i asked him to hold the lighter

i n h a l e
exhale

i coughed until I puked

that night at the building
i drank an entire bottle of strawberry ***
every drop burned my throat

it was disgusting

that night in the building
i took 14 oxycodone pills
it was hard to stand up

it was sad

that night in the building
i asked you why i wasn't enough
i asked you why you wanted her too

you told me you hadn't had *** with her
you saw what the pictures did to me
and after

you had *** with her

forgive and forget
not this time

my dad is a wonderful man
he tells me stories about growing up poor
his mother
she was schizophrenic

he reminds me that it doesn't matter where you come from
it only matters where you go

at 1 am i wrote my mother's bike to Elliott
we met behind the elementary
in the grass with the mosquitoes
we had ugly, painful ***

when we were little we used to play here
in the grass, yoga and football
now we play a different game

instead of scraped knees
broken hearts