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136
trin Mar 2021
136
136
its just a number
a three digit number

so why does the voice in my head
tell me to make it smaller
make it lower

my dress fits me just fine
prom is a month away
but it would fit a little bit better if i was

smaller
skinnier
thinner

calories are becoming a threat
the scale scaring me
the number growing

a fear i cant escape
trin Sep 2019
hearts stop beating
blood stops flowing
tears start falling

no more breath
no more life
no more love

the sun still rises
life goes on
the world keeps spinning

eyes lose light
smiles lose shine
never the same

a life gone
friends lose friends
family loses family

a distant memory
a faint remembrance
a mental scar

here one day
gone the next
never ending hurt
trin Jul 2021
all i want
is to feel as safe
and secure
and happy
in my own skin
as i did before
trin Mar 2021
if given the chance
would you take it all back?
all the terrible things you said
the words that burn inside my head
would you take back the pain you caused me?
the hatred i felt for myself
all because you blamed me
for your own insecurities
*******.
trin Mar 2021
for the longest time
i felt stuck
words only falling with tears
an endless cycle of not saying what i feel
until i break
causing the words to flow

but i'm healing
and with time
my broken words will heal
just like me
trin Apr 2021
i remember daydreaming
about how it would feel to be loved by you
and now it's not a dream
trin May 2021
it feels like a blanket
familiar and cold
but getting warmer
as i get used
to the feeling
of being numb
almost welcoming
and safe
away from what
hurts
safe
from their words
trin Mar 2021
slowly
i can feel myself drowning again
drifting down
further into the dark
and the deep
blanketing me
so familiar
trin Apr 2021
to the scared 15 year old
who felt lost
and terrified
thinking 18 would never come
thinking depression would take her first
you make it kid
and it's beautiful
you have to suffer to find your happy
but you find it
just be patient
with both yourself and the world
you are loved and cared about
i know it doesn't always seem that way
but you'll find the ones who never.
ever.
make you doubt it.
happy birthday to her, and to me
trin Apr 2021
you are the first person to teach me
that falling in love never stops
because everything we do
make me fall a little more
and for the first time
i never want to stop
we're falling like the stars
trin Dec 2019
for someone who feels so much
you make it look effortless to feel nothing
trin Apr 2021
i remember when i ended things with you
i remember the pain i went through
but you seemed fine
as i sobbed and explained why to you
sometimes i can't help but wonder
if you fell out of love with me
long before i did with you
i don't miss my relationship with you, but i miss the friendship you gave me, you've changed.
trin May 2021
i hate how hard it is to forget about you
i hate that every time i see your face it's just more pain
but i don't hate you
i can't hate you
i hate the hold you have on me
trin May 2021
i don't know if it was the pouring rain
or the music blasting from my radio
but for one simple
fleeting moment
i felt weightless
and free
trin Apr 2021
what does happy feel like?
for so long
happy was just a feeling
but it's so much more

it's
feeling the sunshine on your skin
your loved ones laughter
waking up next to her in the morning
the applause you know is meant for you
small town bakeries
performing
music that makes you feel alive
seeing someone smile
car rides with the windows down
screaming songs with your friends
falling in love

happy is more than a feeling
its living
being reckless
and free
happy is so beautiful
trin Apr 2020
he tells me
that i’m good
i’m important
i’m loved

she tells me
that i’m kind
i’m funny
i’m sweet

he tells me
that i’m amazing
i'm beautiful
i’m understanding

they all tell me
that i’m easy to love
easy to want
easy to know

i tell myself
that i’m annoying
i’m too much
i’m hard to love

i don’t understand why i can’t see what they see
her
trin Apr 2021
her
when i look at the girl i used to be
i know that i've become the kind of person she looked up to
a girl she'd be so proud of
the girl she wanted to be
i'm so, so grateful, that i am her
trin Apr 2021
as long as you can find yourself
a way into my arms
you'll forever have a home
with me and in my heart
she's my home
if
trin May 2021
if
if you date the girl
with the pretty green eyes
and the brown braided hair
and the intoxicating smile
keep her close
she'll give you the world

and to my girl
with your pretty green eyes
and your brown braided hair
and your intoxicating smile
im not going anywhere
you're my world
trin Feb 25
and i think that the irony behind it all
is that i'm not who i always thought i would be
i'm happier than i would have been
trin Jul 2020
you’re the kerosene that keeps me aflame

yet after all this fire i always end up feeling numb
i’m so tired of being numb
trin Apr 2021
"i'm falling apart"
then let yourself fall
because
sometimes we must fall
to find ourselves again
i know you can do this. we made it.
trin Mar 2021
it's always on nights like these
i wonder if you still think of me
wistful for everything we had
missing me when it's too late
because i've moved on
from you
and your manipulative love
trin May 2021
from the moment
your hand touched mine
the world stopped feeling so scary
trin May 2021
i paint people's nails because my sisters hands were never quite as steady as mine
i compliment people's eyes because a boy once told me that no over has ever noticed his
i eat sugar cubes with raspberry tea because my long distance friend and i drank it everyday together for a week
i dye my hair different colors because i love hearing people describe the color in their view
i love spiral cut apples because my grandma would make them for me and my siblings as kids
i always wear the same perfume because my mom's favorite perfume is my comfort smell and she's used it since i was little
i've ordered the same drink from starbucks since i was 15 because my mom bought it once and i got to try it
i donate my hair to wigs for kids because i met a girl with cancer who gets her wigs from them
i still listen to music that reminds me of car rides with my dad
i've always loved the color blue because it reminds me of summer skies and laying in the sun
my favorite animal is butterflies because me and my sister used to name the little blue butterflies at my grandmas farm
i try to live my life freely because a girl once told me she loved how free my spirit is
i rub my thumb against peoples arms or hands when they're upset because it's something that comforts me
i remember the little things about people because i love the way their eyes light up when i remember something that no one else does
everyone is a mosaic of the people around them
this is mine
trin Mar 2021
***** the world coming to a stop
when i'm with you
the world seems to spin faster
hours pass in seconds
a lifetime with you would still not be long enough
i can never get enough
not of you
your love makes me feel free
i'm so in love with you, i can't wait to marry you
trin May 2021
you can't save everyone
i know that's hard to admit
but some people cant
and don't want to be
saved
trin Feb 2020
how do you make it so that your compliments seem as if they’re filled with poison
trin Sep 2019
you promise me you won’t go
you promise me you’ll stay
you promise that you won’t give up
you promise you’ll keep fighting

how can i believe you when you once told me that promises are meant to be broken
trin Apr 2021
i will give you every piece of me
slowly
until i'm completely yours
every little puzzle piece
everyone is puzzle, and you're my last piece
s3x
trin Oct 2021
s3x
i wish that
just for once in my life
id feel as if im worth more
than the things i do in bed
trin May 2021
sanity feels so close
but so far away
reaching for a light
that fades
trin May 2021
if i tried to save everyone
would it finally be
enough

or would i continue
to not be
enough
trin Apr 2021
saving people
has always been my calling

being a savior
is what i do

but who saves a savior
when she can't save herself
trin Apr 2021
i haven't felt this way for so long
i haven't felt the urge
to drag the blade across my skin
tearing open everything that's healed
refreshing the faded
i'm so scared of this
i'm so scared of me
i've never been clean this long before
trin May 2021
to the girl who has my heart
you are mine and i am yours
my everything and more
always and forever
trin Jan 2021
it was you who made me feel like i could speak my mind

so why is it you who tries to silence me
you lost.
trin May 2021
someday
that slow burn
will become a flame
and you'll become who
you have always wanted to be
trin Jul 2021
coming out is scary
you don't know
what they'll say
what they'll think

it's terrifying
watching them whisper
watching them stare

i want to scream
i'm still me
i'm not different
i'm not a stranger

please
don't stare at me
trin Sep 2019
bright eyes
shining smiles
laughing melodies

scared glances
sad memories
unsaid words

from the closest of friends
to the most perfect strangers
trin May 2021
in another lifetime
maybe you would have stayed
until next time sunshine
trin May 2020
thoughts full
of jagged lines
scarlet drops
crystal tears
red stained bandages
hidden pain
smeared makeup
tubes of healing creams
red stained hands
red drops on porcelain sinks
spotty vision
haggard breaths
shaking limbs
stinging pain
i just want them to go away
trin Apr 2021
you are so beautiful to me
i think so today
tomorrow
and everyday

and someday
ill look into your eyes
and say i do
and promise you

that ill continue to love you
today
tomorrow
and everyday
s.g.<3
trin May 2021
i'll forever remember
the pain in your eyes
as tears began to fall
when i told you the real reason
the reason i left
now you're the only one who knows
i'm sorry i didn't tell you sooner
trin Apr 2021
i write to release
my words may not rhyme
they may have no rhythm
but they make sense of the mess

they bleed on the page
a spilt coffee stain
misshapen and crude
but if you look long enough

an image is formed
whether it be of pain, sorrow, love
or even just a flower
blooming from the cracked ground

they take me places i could never say out loud
a safe haven of my own creation
a place to release
a place where i'm free
coping in the best way that i know
trin Mar 2021
when she smiled

the world got so much brighter

and the weight on my shoulders

got lighter
god i can't get enough of you
trin May 2021
it's a slow spin
descending into darkness
it's dizzying
who
trin Apr 2021
who
who do you pray to
when you don't believe in a god

who do you cry to
when the only person you have is hurting too

who do you scream to
when you feel utterly voiceless

who do you go to
when you've learned to be alone
trin Jul 2021
i was never one to let others determine my worth
so why do i let a number
a piece of cloth
a size
trin Apr 2021
having you in my life is
the break to my writers block
because so quickly
your love became my favorite thing to write about
i know you read these, i love you goon <3
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