i write to release
my words may not rhyme
they may have no rhythm
but they make sense of the mess

they bleed on the page
a spilt coffee stain
misshapen and crude
but if you look long enough

an image is formed
whether it be of pain, sorrow, love
or even just a flower
blooming from the cracked ground

they take me places i could never say out loud
a safe haven of my own creation
a place to release
a place where i'm free

slowly
i can feel myself drowning again
drifting down
further into the dark
and the deep
blanketing me
so familiar

it was you who made me feel like i could speak my mind

so why is it you who tries to silence me

you’re the kerosene that keeps me aflame

yet after all this fire i always end up feeling numb

thoughts full
of jagged lines
scarlet drops
crystal tears
red stained bandages
hidden pain
smeared makeup
tubes of healing creams
red stained hands
red drops on porcelain sinks
spotty vision
haggard breaths
shaking limbs
stinging pain

he tells me
that i’m good
i’m important
i’m loved

she tells me
that i’m kind
i’m funny
i’m sweet

he tells me
that i’m amazing
i'm beautiful
i’m understanding

they all tell me
that i’m easy to love
easy to want
easy to know

i tell myself
that i’m annoying
i’m too much
i’m hard to love

i don’t understand why i can’t see what they see