We came together at an odd crossroads
Tumultuous paths the decision yet to come
I wish we could have met later
I can see we could make each other happy
But not now
Not at this point in our lives
Too much going on
Too much indecision
You and I are not meant for now
We've met at this crossroads
Sharing the same look in our eyes
Hunger
Want
Desire
But not now between us
We've conversed at this crossroads
An obvious connection most definitely
But something held back the intimacy
Some feeling that if we connected now
These crossroads would be our home
That cannot be, our hearts crave adventure
But down different paths we must travel
I hope our paths cross again later
Who knows what the future will hold
I only know
Not now

Honestly
I just want to hurt myself right now

I held the gun to my head
Loaded .357
Blow my head off
It'll be better
The cutting didn't help anymore
No physical pain hurt deep enough
To dull my tormented soul
I pulled the trigger
.
.
.
Nothing.
The chamber refused to release it's fiery doom upon me
That'll make you feel more a failure
**** I couldn't even **** myself right
That's a kick to the soul
To hear the click of that hammer fall, and nothing
To be left still seated and alive

They say you shouldn't drink your feelings away don't they?
Well I'm trying my damnedest, and it's not working.
I try to drink you off my mind like those old country songs.
I try to drink myself to sleep hoping I don't dream of you.
Neither work
The drunker I get the more space you take in my head
I fear the sleep will never come
My decade long battle with the insomnia that consumes my mind
Only seems amplified with you stuck in it
What am I to do?
I guess I'll drink some more, and maybe morning won't come to find me.

underneath all of my ******* narcinarcissism
the real me hides

In the time since
I haven't got you off my mind
Mostly everything
Everything I could have said
Everything I should have said
I fear though my chance to say it all, is past
What have I done with my silence
What have I not done is the greater prose
My soul cries out in the dark
In the time since

I think I love you