I spend my life
pin all my hopes
on future days
and times

I pick a day
to expect to be
saved upon
and wait

Sleep through the
tortured hours
eyes open but
in limbo

I dream this time
someone will see
to care and
fix me

I pray this person
will know how
to fill my soul
with hope

that they will get it
they will pull
me out of my own
darkness

I have my dreams
fixed now upon
this chance next
friday

I hope I won't
freeze up again
I'll open up to
freedom

In nine days
maybe I can
start to become
real again

*© Tara India.

With each breath pressed on,
by the tips of your fingers.
My skin oxidates and peels away.

With every hand me down kiss,
and empty frame of mind.
My heart beats less and less.

With any time I turned away,
to thoughtless tries of change.
My head wished to do the same.

i think i love you because
you have strong hands
and a steady smile, and
both of those are something
i can hold onto.

I saw you today.

As you sat with half
of your face facing
away from me,
I prayed you would look at me.

You didn't then,
but you met me at the staircase,
laughed,
and disappeared from the landing.

I saw you today.

And I don't remember
much of anything else.

Fine, I will confess.
You have me.

You have me smiling at
the perfect shape of your perfect words.
Though half the world
create the distances between us
you map them with
the mere presence of you.
And I feel lonely no more.

You have me awake at night,
combing the depths of my half-awake mind,
searching for pieces of you
to go to dreamland with.

I sometimes blink twice
on a perfect moment,
as if to take a mental picture for you.
I sometimes rub my hands together
to feel how warm your face might feel like.

You have me.

You just do.

I never asked for this.
I never wanted to know you
to feel you on my morning skin
to hear you whisper songs with the wind

I never wanted you.

And I was such an idiot for not wanting you
but you pulled me in
and promised me on that painful night
that joy would come with the dawn

I never wanted you.

Especially now that you refuse to
leave me
I've been faithless my entire life but
now I think I can manage just
a drop
even though it's the size of a mustard seed.

I never wanted you.

Because of you I can't have it my way
I want my way
but yours is always better and I know that
but I still try to
go
and you still
take me back
every single time

I never wanted you.

I didn't ask for your love
Your stupid, relentless --
I hate this
because it's too much for me to take in
to hold in
but it's a beautiful kind of hate
How come your love is like this
it's like an ocean and I'm drowning, but the thing is
I'm allowing the drowning
I didn't ask for your love because

I never wanted you.


You wanted me.