upholding beauty until it's too much to bear
our flowers melt
for simply having to be there

Do not be afraid of me.
Do not think that just because I have skin made of diamonds that
I cannot easily break.
You see, I am surrounded by them,
They protect me from the outside,
But my diamond armor cannot block out everything.
Diamonds do not protect my heart;
I can still break, shatter, and be demolished at the slightest of hands.
“Beautiful” they say;
They watch me walking down the street,
but can they not see the scarlet red filling up beneath it?
Can they not see my mascara stained cheeks, and trembling hands?
Or are they mesmerized still by my glittering appearance?
Dazzled that I am so sparkling and vibrant in the sun;
Completely unaware of my cry for help underneath the glistening gem shield.
Do they not know that once I turn off the sun, I will look like a piece of ***** ice?
That once I take off this mask I am just a simple broken girl?

While I have been amazed to see everyone’s lack of attention at how worn I am; I have failed to see how broken everyone around me is.
Once I finally took a step back to examine those around me,
I noticed they were also sounded by their own magnificent gems; going
Through things just like I am.
I found a twenty-nine year old women thinking about
What it was going to be like once her mother left her; she holds back her tears for
The people around her, but once she gets alone she cries herself to sleep.
She is surrounded by agate.
There is a fourteen year old teenager
Scared to death of what she might be.
Terrified of herself.
She carves into her skin like paint on a canvas;
All I can think to say to her is
“Let me save you please!”
But she can’t hear me,
I can’t get the words out.
She is surrounded by eudialyte.
All of these people around me
Going through things I could never handle going through myself;
These things happen to the people closest to me every day
But I am too blinded with myself to see it.
When did I become so self-centered?
When did I,
Start caring for myself when I should have been the one to save all these people around me, and their crumbling gemstones?
One day I will write a book about how sorry I am to each of these people;
But even then it will not make everything alright.
So here is my message;
Please whatever you do… don’t stop fighting… never stop.
Fight for all of the people who cannot fight for themselves.
You could save a life some day with that smile.
You never know when you will save someone’s life.
So don’t stop.
Help me save everyone that I have failed, please.

I look at my mother
my father
photos of grandparents
****** structures change
clothes
hair

but the eyes
are always the
same.
sad.

but strong.

it makes me think,
is my crave for the blade genetic?
is my darkening depression
running through my veins?
am I fated to be this way forever
by the DNA I've been given?

and if that is so

if all the bad in me is just
genetic makeup
is the good in me the same thing?
the kindness
friendliness
all just programmed
into my mind?
am I nothing more than
an unbalanced
unfortunate
bag of chemicals?
can we find the strength
to diminish the bad
part of human instinct
or were some of us born
to fight a never ending war
of self destruction?
do we even have a choice?