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touka Apr 2021
who do you think I am?

I have only been sincere

who do you think I am?

dragging your feet in the sand
cramming fingers in both ears

to stop that noise, that mess of cymbals
but you know where that noise is coming from

I want to see your hands
I want to see you sweat
force them
to be still

I wonder who you think I am
I have only been in love
some poor spectator, through this dark glass

I want to see your eyes
I want to see you take it in

off your tongue
onto my lips

I am so loud
cry and beg and cry some more
you withdraw
compos mentis of enlightened quiet
like
slamming anvil of beyond-earth silence

I only offered myself
bits and pieces, thoughts and thoughts
a nail, a hair, a leg torn off

thrown into the hole we bought

but what sepulcher returns in good
and who do you think I am,
and what have we done to be in love,
and where will I go when we use it up?

from behind the dotted line
that I envisioned

the upswing of human fear
and tending to be naked in it

to climb over the dotted line

to sink in and in

speaking as a child
understanding as a child
thinking as a child
waiting to be pulled to the air

if it will never feel quite right to want
I'll wait until I am wanted

and if the moment never comes, I
touka Mar 2021
I go limp in his arms
just to see if he can catch me

"don't forget about the stars, don't forget about the stars"

they are beautiful, and all over
but the darkness between them is such a scary thing
I saw a poem on here by a Richard Frank called "Growing Up"
  Mar 2021 touka
Guadalupe S Partida
Someday you gotta take a wild chance on you
Stop  looking at only the negative
make neurological pathways to condition in you the positive
everyone deserve a life that can be loving, light and beautiful
despite the loss, the uncertainty and the impermanence

Today, or tomorrow,
or whenever you are ready take a wild chance on you
touka Mar 2021
a turn of phrase

I wait and wait
and wait and wait

"an apology you have to request is..."

he doesn't finish his sentence

I wait and wait
and wait and wait
its a lovely quiet
when he decides it is time for it
then he speaks with my mothers tongue
the blood is fresh, the wounds are young
again
  Feb 2021 touka
zumee
the only time         
o
d
r
a
w
a
l
                     is to connect
n
e
blocking is reactive
connecting is proactive
touka Jan 2021
a dime,
a piece from my mouth

ask him to sit
he stands
I sweat

buck, gut, gralloch
send him off his balance
send him off with a ballad
a song of hands disappearing
up to the wrist, inside him

become a thick-skinned
being
or
shed it completely

fold me in two

I swallow, I spit
I learn to drink and laugh again

he
sticks a hand into the border fires
stokes that fray of running wires with his tongue and I warn him "it'll burn you up,"

sweet love of my life

living like
the moon pulls not just the tide,
but all manner of things

I pick every seed off the bun–get em all off,
every one

sesame
sesame
sesame

his shoulders slump,
eyes roll
nostrils flare
its barbed wire
another bucket
another drum on my already pounding heart I can't take it I can't take it I can't—

sesame
sesame
sesame

I'll forget
what I've been, I'll forget what—
I don't remember, but
I only want to stretch toward the sun
it feels like a take-all-of-your-clothes-off-and-let-your-teeth-chatter
kind of night
like

when the scarecrow's caught,
he goes a little faster

rolls those wild rows of corn with a little laughter
sort of night

take out your pen and
write something a little brighter
but scarecrows are still
and the artist in you is even quieter

and you're naked in your bedsheets
and you're naked with your clothes on
and you're naked when the birds sing
and you're naked when the light's off
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