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  Dec 2015 Jaxton Tyler Redmond
Rj
"The truth is, that giddy butterfly in-love feeling? It goes away. And all that's left is friendship. You have to ask, is my lover my best friend, because in the end that's all that's left"
A quote by one of the counsellors when talking to me about love. He's read so many psychological studies, and he says even from his own experience, being in love isn't just about the butterflies because that's temporary. It's about the compatibility. Will your lover end up being your best friend, or a temporary feeling? I thought it was really cool.
I want you to come back.
I miss your smile and soft skin
Your beautiful laugh and the warm hugs you gave.
Its been too long and i need you back.
I need you here with me till the end
I cant go on like this.
You kept me stable.
And right now baby, ( chuckle )
Im so unstable
Its about a girl
Im gay and i miss her
  Dec 2015 Jaxton Tyler Redmond
NV
I SLAMMED THE DOOR SO HARD, THAT IT COULD HAVE FALLEN OFF IT'S HINGES,
THE SAME WAY I COLLAPSE TO MY KNEES SOMETIMES.
I SLAMMED IT WITH THE KIND OF FORCE THAT IT  TAKES ME TO LOVE, AND GOD KNOWS I LOVE WITH THE POWER OF EARTHQUAKES AND TORNADOS COMBINED.
Hands shaking breath quickening shes begining to break, eyes glistening mouth dry her life is in her hands she can either live or die. Flick the lighter stare into the flame blow it out like a candle. Where is your self control? Dig the sharp edge into your palm, argue with yourself. Swallow the lump that has began to grow into the size of a rock. Eyes dart like a scared child lost looking for their parents. This is it, what will you choose? Turning the music up on high she takes the lifeless cold blooded object and begins to carve like a thanksgivig turkey, she knows she wont sleep tonight so she cuts and she cuts digging deeper and deeper. Letting out a sigh of pleasure, of calmness for just a little while. She'll put the tools away and clean up the evidence making sure no one will find out shes getting bad again. Phone rings she picks it up to turn of the alarm that reminds her that reality still hasnt changed that she still needs to face the day with a forced smile and a see through laugh. The moment she steps out the door it calls to her and she just cant escape. Her life was never hers it was always the one thing that controlled her happiness. No one must know, this addiction comes with a price so say goodbye to your clean skin and say hello to a hollow shell of yourself...
Falling in love while suffering with depression is basically one in the same your words never come out right and you cant get enough sleep to save your life. It was all one in the same until i was proven otherwise. He waltzed into my life and stood tall and proud he knew what he was there for and that was my heart. Slowly giving it to him made my walls come down and i was more vulnerable than i had been in the last seventeen years of my life. When i was with him it was like the nagging voice that i wasnt good enough had finally been silenced and pushed away at least for the moment. The thoughts that would push me over the edge ceased to exist when he looked into my eyes....and oh when he kissed me my whole body lit up like a crazy suprise party sending feelings i had never felt to all my nerve endings that always seemed to lead to him. I could finally breathe when id pass the park where that boy didnt take no for an answer left me, one look from him sent me spiralling into a euphoria i had never imagined was real. That was only the begining though....and when the monsters tried to pry him from my unwilling hands the floor i stood on began to shake. The one thing potentially saving me from myself was apparently no good for me. But they didnt understand the high i felt when it was just us. They just couldnt see past their jaded perspective.....and so the spiralling became a spiralling into despair and self hate....the euphoriaturned into a sadness not even a drunk could drink away...my  lungs began to tighten even more now when id pass the park.....and even think of him......he took over my life...just like depression had.
Too bad for me I was just playing a part.
If you want a lover
I'll do anything you ask me to
And if you want another kind of love
I'll wear a mask for you
If you want a partner
Take my hand
Or if you want to strike me down in anger
Here I stand
I'm your man
If you want a boxer
I will step into the ring for you
And if you want a doctor
I'll examine every inch of you
If you want a driver
Climb inside
Or if you want to take me for a ride
You know you can
I'm your man
Ah, the moon's too bright
The chain's too tight
The beast won't go to sleep
I've been running through these promises to you
That I made and I could not keep
Ah but a man never got a woman back
Not by begging on his knees
Or I'd crawl to you baby
And I'd fall at your feet
And I'd howl at your beauty
Like a dog in heat
And I'd claw at your heart
And I'd tear at your sheet
I'd say please, please
I'm your man
And if you've got to sleep
A moment on the road
I will steer for you
And if you want to work the street alone
I'll disappear for you
If you want a father for your child
Or only want to walk with me a while
Across the sand
I'm your man
If you want a lover
I'll do anything you ask me to
And if you want another kind of love
I'll wear a mask for you
Why
Why does everyone have my rapists face?
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