ive closed my eyes before
been so in my mind red
the skies turned red
and times at night you could only run
from the demon hunting you
i might know a little more now
i know about costs
that pain that you found that you cant get rid of
hunger and loss
like dying of thirst
when your lips go chapped
and your mouth is so dry
every time you swallow
you see a ghost
             and an angel
maybe i know a little more now
but with that knowledge becomes more questions
how can you feel something?
havent i seen angels form around me
and say "it will be difficult, but you must fight!
                         and let our love be the strength to guide you"
as though i saw the sun
from outerspace
the most brilliant illumination
from when even the clouds overhead
were colored red

i have found a darkness so bleak
that now even in the moonless night
i still recognize there is light
i still feel the pull of the tide
and the stars
and everything beautiful
just the breath i take
is a song
because even though i may not ever die
it feels good to know im alive
i might know a little more now

and now i dont sleep
now i see things
not clearly,
as everything near me
tinted by the color of your loss,
we pray and dream but we're lost
and even further now that you're gone

how am i supposed to see,
when sorrow hangs a shadow over me?
i know a name,
i dont forget,
i know regret,
i know the pain

and now he sleeps
with angels,
jocelyn
would you open up your loving arms?
keep us from all harm,
protection from the storm
and even further now that you're gone

dont be sad anymore
please
dont be sad anymore

i still havent figured out the greatest answer
the things ive seen
i dont know really
i dont
and is that why im still here?
because i always did
and i always will

know scars from depths and heavens lashings
felt coal and fought the demons pleading
been starving cold and hungry
been all alone
ive been alone
but i know the way the season changes
i know cherry blossoms and sweetest honey
taste the nectar of my eternal spring
i felt love
of the way the sunrises

pyramids
slow down
find the reason why

i had a talk with myself the other day
i told myself to be strong
like i was before
like i am all along
and that even this pain will be something
i laugh at

flowers and weeds on my doorstep
I haven't thought of it for a while
now
comes ivy creeping on the floor
that I know that I know

they say there's a war in my backyard
i haven't fought a bit for a while
know
I needed something I could die for
that I know that I know

that I know
what the flower has
what makes a lonesome life more beautiful
as it turns the world is cruel
that I know

buzzard and crow have perched out
on the tree branch underneath my window pane
pain
as it pains me now to look out
and see the crow gambling

that I know
the hand he has
what makes a lonely life more beautiful
as it turns the world is cruel
but flowers grow
flowers grow

A black and white rainbow
Pixelated and distorted
Sent as zipped up information
Stored as a file in my memory
These Terra bytes are more than mega
Unpacked and shining bright
My eyes and digital image
Signals on a screen
There is no beauty in technology
Only cold charts and data
Just index of double helix
Just codes and firewalls
Just system analytics
Just fiber optic cables

Somehow through endless fields of source
Through endless pattern repeated
I found an oracle of infrastructure
The platform where she stands

My bright eyes hide darkness as a shadow in the day
A shadow growing longer
Cast now upon city sidewalks and bank building walls
A shadow of my soul
A face growing weary from the weight of the world
I want to love
But living is hard enough
I've got to lose
I've got to lose

I only know of impossibilities
Just the fact that I breath and I feel
Defies all the logic I knew as a child
But all the wonder is leaving me now
I can only be disillusioned
As eyes see from years of history before
Its a hateful world
Full of failure

My dreams are always strongest when I'm awake
A thought to hold into
When my strong hands need a reason to believe
A thought of morning
A night slowly creeping on vericose veins
I want the day
But my day can seem so long
I've got to lose
I've got to lose

I only know what I'm taught
So teach me not to feel
Let the world I work for
Let these days become unreal
The night is antiquity
Its been around longer than the day
And even the brightest star that shines
Still fades away

I have, in my den, a broken lamp
Only decoration now in darkness
But I still remember how
The colors on my wall made me feel

The stove in my kitchen does not turn on



I'm only feeling what man is meant to feel


My love is but a light
With no switch