Women who think like men
Men who act like children
Children who act like they're forty and think they're adults

I opened the box to find a crudely written IOU on the back of an expired Domino's coupon
We tried to assimilate the whole thing
My co-worker made a long distance phone call

It was to the peanut gallery
They told her she should have put another quarter in the parking meter so she could have avoided the fine

"Fredrick Brown"
Said my boss
That was the name he gave us when he made the reservation
Sounded like pseudonym the chiseler made up on the spot

But all he ate was side dishes
And a bag of corn nuts he brought in

Now the investigation was in full swing
The cops came
Asking questions
A description
A name
And what he ordered

"Burnt french fries, uncooked calamari, re fried beans, a salad with only brown lettuce, a can of cranberry sauce, a porterhouse steak medium rare with mushrooms and onions and a hot fudge sundae without any ice cream"

The officers perused the table and found that sundae and the steak were untouched
And the can of cranberry sauce was only half eaten

Days later a man was found screaming in the industrial park
Yelling obscenities and wearing a bald cap
While trying to listen to scratched skipping Cd's on his Walkman that had no batteries

It goes without saying the man was deranged

It was the very same man I waited on in the restaurant
Police only released one statement on the matter
They said when asked why he was in there in the first place
He told them he was looking for work to pay a bill the he owed to a local restaurant who had top notch service

His real name was Ercy ******

That name is now branded into my memory

The carbon copy told me he'd box my ears in if I didn't shut my mouth
His threat is concise
But I disregarded it entirely
Now I'm cockeyed
And entirely pumbled

Go on
Keep on dropping names
Insinuate that she was born with a silver spoon in her mouth
We need another you like we need a hole in each of our heads

Show me precisely where you gave it to her good
Show me the love stains on the bed sheets
We're you shooting blanks?
I think so

I'm done with this guy and all this idle blathering and his besmirching of the reputations of people he doesn't even know

Behold, the grueling chore or stripping down to your birthday suit
And listening to someone rattle off reasons why your appearance is sub-par  
Prattling about the depravity of the beautiful people
How they have to live in a world full of ugly, repugnant beings
"You seem to fit that description"
There's an elephant in the room and it's name is Irony
Depth is on the clock and shallowness is timeless

I deduce that you never got much attention as a child, and your parents put pressure on you with out considering that their callousness would rub off on you

Now you pelt those you see with insults and cruelty
When we met you came off as someone with unstable emotions
You told me that the root of all evil is the body and blood of Christ
And the expectations of your parents which they laid ahead of you we're unmet

I remember when you consummated your marriage to bitterness  
You did a banzai trip to the region of self-loathing for your honeymoon
I saw you off at the airport
You we're quasi-happy

You brought your acoustic guitar and scribbled words
Songs about undermining "The Man"
Dismantling the establishment
And grave robbing

You came back with bags under your eyes
A permanent frown
A cup that could never be filled
And a sense of superiority because you've suffered and no one could have survived what you'd been through

You told me the secret to your success was revulsion
And now you see me as scummy, worthless piece of nothing
When you yourself have become a ghost's shadow of the shell of your former self

******* my friend

I'm finally 21
I'm 21

I think it's weird how 21 is a milestone in everyone's life
Why?
Because you can drink legally?
You can now become a drunken buffoon because you'r of age now

What have I done in my 21 years of fleshy existence?

I've been born
I've been orphaned
I've been adopted

I've been picked on
I've made friends
I've made enemies
I've lost people
To death
And misunderstanding

I've been in love
I've been loved
I have loved
I've hated
I've been hated

Countless tears
Uncountable laughs

Experiences
Opportunities
Adventures
Lessons
That I'll have forever

I don't know how many cups of coffee I've drank
Or cigarettes I've smoked
Copious amounts of marijuana
And endless alcoholic beverages

I've been a lead singer in a band
A lyricist
A bass player
A cook
A dishwasher
A custodian
A student
A son
A boyfriend
A friend with benefits
An ex
A stranger
A memory
A dream

I've written many things
I've haven't written many things
I have many mistakes under my belt
I never find myself being mastered by time
Or under the gun
I see myself in cahoots with infinity

I'm just getting started
But if I was to die right now
I'd be okay, I'm grateful to be here this long
And death would just be a new thing
But to go further into life is still alright with me

I'm 21 today
But the number in my mind is a sideways eight

∞

It always looks better on paper

Drug mules
You'll be carrying a huge amount of drugs from point A to point B and then you'll get paid handsomely after they're done renting out space in your *******

You need not be worried
You need not see this
You need not be here
Get back to your horticultural ventures

Cavities in your bicuspids
They are oblong and plentiful
In terms of shapes and numbers
Moreover, the riddles are almost always to some degree atomic

But more often than not the outgoing ones refuse to falter
When asked to recite the table of elements
Or give a heartwarming speech about social ecology

Yet the quiet ones are known to surprise us
Some can give you the recipe for the best hossenfeffer you'll ever have
Some can make a record that is demanded to be put on constant replay
Or have a deep conversation with a lifelong grouch and have roaring fit of laughter as an outcome

Then there are the horses who are lead to water but die of thirst
Who are baffled with the question, "what is the difference between Taylor ham, pork roll and Canadian bacon?
And can never figure out the complex algorithms
For they are cursed with weak constitutions

"This is just another poem"
My sentiments exactly

Wail
Whine
And flail

Regale us with your colorful photographic memory
But use discretion, there are children here

We had Schnapps in a spray bottle
At the time I had the most unsightly uni-brow
And they asked us all to define the term "tongue-in-cheek"
We laughed and said, "Never go *** to mouth!"
We got suspended

We decided to pull out the heavy artillery
And painted a giant **** on the side of the school
We needed an auxiliary artist
So we hired an abstract
He spray painted "Get up and go, lay down and die"
Right on the main entrance, so incredibly serupticiously
And in such an irregular manner, as if he put every ounce of his disdain towards that institution of  lower learning in every movement
Like Van Gogh in real life live action

The next morning, hot off the press was our act of vandalism
We foiled the plans of the faculty to have a nice school day
They acted perfectly, like it was scripted
Angry, horrified and ashamed

The sound of us patting ourselves on the back was incomparable to anything we've ever felt
Even my incontinent grandmother laughed

But soon all the movers and shakers at city hall demanded the ones guilty were found
They rechecked the security footage again and again
They went through student records
It all lead to us
They picked me up while I lied drunk on top of scraps of nonsensical
writings
I resisted arrest and became a victim of police brutality
Knight sticks slammed into my chest
Tips of pointed boots driven into my stomach
And demeaning verbal abuse to my person

The aftermath was all of us serving six months in juvy
Surrounded by incompetent correction officers
And just waiting for our boys to spring us
If I had a chance to do it all over, I'd do it all again

I once had a ship in a bottle
I had on my Sunday best
When I discovered glass tasted like blood
And became bed ridden
They all came to pay tribute
And play crazy eights, each wore a poker face
Then left me to my own device

I had nothing to show for it
I held up the Eucharist and broke it in four pieces
Hold your tongue, stick it out and swallow it
Prepare yourself
For the ecumenical trip
The gaining of foresight
That you wouldn't ordinarily have

Receiving transmissions from far off dimensions
Chock full of unprecedented revelations
Share the message but do it justice
Count the follicles and the rings
Disregard the Standards and Practices
Thwart their attempts
To misconstrue the context

"There's a knife fight at the gun show"
"He's Hell bound but Heaven sent"
"Look into his glass onion"
"We know you're on the fence"
"Just write it three times each"
'Shave that mono brow!"
"We've never met someone of his caliber"

No, they can't understand
They won't
They refuse to
They think in dividends
And personal quotients

I'll go back to completing my ship in a bottle, it is far less difficult