I dreamt that I'd tell you,
  I dreamt I'd convince you.
I dreamt you would love me
and I too would love you.
I dreamt of perfection,
a dream so romantic.
I dreamt you would smile
and carefully panic.
I dreamt you would hug me.
  I dreamt we would both see,
together we're better -
  I dreamt you weren't choosy.
I dreamt up the ways
of how I could tell you.
I dreamt up bouquets
and a time and place too.
I dreamt that I told you.
  I dreamt that I could do.
I dreamt that it happened.
  I dreamt of a breakthrough.

instead i told you
at 3am   drunk   on facebook
*and i took it back the next morning

to put the gun in my hand
to place the barrel against my head
to pull the trigger if, i want
do you love me enough

to tie the weights against my feet
to drag me to the dock
through me over, if i ask
do you love me enough

pour cyanide in my cup
mix it well
and place the glass on my table, if i need
do you love me enough

force the nails through my hands
and bound my feet together
crucify me for my sins, if i beg
do you love me enough

do you love me enough
to let me go, if i cry

Old wounds ache
Half-forgotten face
Floats across my mind
Where are you now?

Your face is almost gone for me
Your voice melted away

Six long years
Since I saw you
Since I offered my heart
Since you ripped it to shreds
Did you mean to?
Did you know?

Four long years
Since I stopped
Lying awake
And wishing
For you to appear

Three long years
Since I met another
Who accepted my heart
And made it whole

But still
Burned there
Is the ghost of you
Why are you here?
Here in my mind?
I loved you so hard
But that was before

Was it all even real?
Or was it a dream
Of a boy
Who was a best friend
And nothing more
Who won my heart
Who didn't know
Who tore it up
Who I never saw
Again?

You stuck in my heart
For two long years
Before I figured out
How to live again
Breathe again
Loosen your grip

But you stayed there
Lurked in the corners
A phantom
Of a broken dream

Then I met a man
With heart of gold
Who loved me
Loves me still
Who I love back
So much it burns

But still
You're here
In my secret heart

Six years
And not a word
Still nothing
No sign
You fell off the earth
But you didn't fall out of
My heart

You've faded now
An echo
But I doubt you'll ever
Truly leave
My heart
The way you
Left
My
Life.

The stars are out tonight and I have left my window open.
Can you come take me away?
I’ll wear that blue dress and we can fly through forever.
Sit on the clock, that keeps on ticking.
Laugh in its face.
We can lounge on the clouds
and board ships we have never seen.
We won’t ever have to worry
I don’t have to grow up,
or ever be alone.
I’m good company.
Swear.

Because frankly Peter,
that clock’s hands are moving a little faster than I would like.

And I have never been flying.

I shot an arrow into the air,
It fell to earth, I knew not where:
For so swiftly it flew, the sight
Could not follow it in its flight.

I breathed a song into the air,
It fell to earth I knew not where;
For who has sight so keen and strong,
That it can follow the flight of song?

Long, long afterward, in an oak,
I found the arrow still unbroke;
And the song, from beginning to end,
I found again in the heart of a friend.

I am the void left by hope.
I am the frantic scrabble,
the gasp f­or a mirage.
I am the empty box,
the joke with no punchline.
I am the end of the road.
 
I am the face you thoug­ht you knew,
the parcel for someone else.
the missing last page.
­I am the second, 
after the second,
that you knew it was over.   ­

I am the coup leader 
shot at dawn
I am redundancy
bankruptcy, ­lonely
I am the king
with blood on my arms
From the nails
 
I am ­the logo on the trainers 
on the heels 
of the one in front 
I am­ the vibrating molecules
Of the sound
Of the door closing
I am th­e dawning realisation
That you are not
as good as you thought you­ were.

I am disappointment.

I am the sun reflected
The gleam of­ polished brass
I am the lace of frost on leaves
I am the newborn­ laugh
The vibrant flowerbed
I am the happy child 
chasing the ra­inbow
of a bubble on the breeze

I am more than the sum
of the ga­ps between dreams
I am the strength
In the arms
That hold you
I a­m the other side
where mysteries are plain

I am the miracle 
the­ rank outsider,
the last to be picked,
who scored the winner,
I a­m fresh hope.
I am unwavering joy.
I am the rock.
 
I am.

And I ­choose you.

47

Heart! We will forget him!
You and I—tonight!
You may forget the warmth he gave—
I will forget the light!

When you have done, pray tell me
That I may straight begin!
Haste! lest while you’re lagging
I remember him!

Time does not bring relief; you all have lied
  Who told me time would ease me of my pain!
  I miss him in the weeping of the rain;
I want him at the shrinking of the tide;
The old snows melt from every mountain-side,
  And last year’s leaves are smoke in every lane;
  But last year’s bitter loving must remain
Heaped on my heart, and my old thoughts abide!

There are a hundred places where I fear
  To go,—so with his memory they brim!
And entering with relief some quiet place
Where never fell his foot or shone his face
I say, “There is no memory of him here!”
  And so stand stricken, so remembering him!

Touch me,
it doesn't matter where
and it doesnt matter how
I need to know I'm still alive
so someone touch me now
Shake my hand and say hello
or pat me on the back
kiss me on the cheek
that I may feel this sense I lack
slap my face and pull my hair
make me bleed I just don't care
dig your nails into my skin
so I can feed this need within
I've been numb for such a time
that even pain would be sublime
so touch me, touch me now
I don't care where, I don't care how

I poured out my heart and soul to you
In the corner of the first floor bedroom
Spilled the secrets

You smiled, wary,
Of broken hearts and broken bones
Of broken souls on the mend
An easy life is a hard one, but, you
hadn't quite figured that out yet.

You took me in your arms,
A confident man, with good posture
Convinced me that your care was all I needed
And, oh, I believed you until you broke my soul anew